July 26th, 2010

So… Our Basement Flooded… Awesome.

Thank you, Global Warming, for raining down 190 billion gallons of water on the Chicagoland area, backing up all the sewer systems, and flooding our basement for the first time in decades.

Saturday we had a Yard Sale planned.  So Friday we took all the stuff we DIDN’T want, and put it in the upstairs living room so we could haul it out early in the AM on Saturday morning.  All the stuff we DID want – you know, like our furniture, the kids favorite toys, the expensive ceramic heater, etc – all stayed in the finished basement.

At 8:00 am, the Hyphenated Husband woke me up screaming “WE’VE GOT WATER!  THE BASEMENT IS FLOODED!!!”

I run downstairs with nary an item of clothing on, with slept-in-contact lenses blurring my vision, just in time to catch my husband barreling past me with his arms full of our guitars.  The next thing he grabbed were the amplifiers. Funny where our priorities are even four years after we stopped being musicians.

I couldn’t do anything but stand there in shock.  All I could do was stare at the water and hold my hands over my mouth.  Instead of looking at my basement floor, I’m looking at half a foot of watery sewage.  I rushed to get clothes on, but instead I paced in circles because I couldn’t concentrate long enough to remember where I keep my underwear.  Then I dialed my dad’s number and bawled while I asked him to come help us do something… anything.

As if the sewer water wasn't bad enough, that's also the litter box freely floating in that sludge water.

Not really knowing what else to do exactly, I posted a desperate message on Facebook.  Then I cried a little.  Then my husband held me and said it was all gonna be okay.  Somehow I found some clothes and threw those on.  Then we called the landlord.

The landlord tells us to get a pump to get the water out, and that his insurance won’t cover anything.  We call State Farm to find out if our renter’s insurance covers anything, but it won’t cover floods either. Everything on that floor is gone forever, with no way to replace it.  Our $1000 entertainment center that we just finished paying off is trashed.  The couches are gone.  Electronics are done for.

Notice the keyboard submerged in water. Yeah - that doesn't work anymore.

We called to get a pump but there were none available in the area.  Everyone was having the same problem we were, so they put us on a wait-list for one.  In the meantime, all we could do was wait, so we decided to run and look at some new apartments.  Our lease is up in August anyway, and I took this as a sign from the universe that it is time to downsize.  When we moved into this house three years ago I was making nearly $50,000 a year.  I left that job last fall, and I do NOT make that kind of money any more.  Financially speaking, living here is just stupid anyway.

By the time we came home from apartment shopping, the water was pumped out, but left was a layer of sewage and debris.  Awesome.  I started cleaning up that night, and then Sunday, while I held the Yard Sale, HH and my dad pulled everything out of the basement and threw it all away.

So now… I don’t know what.  All we can do is recover.  Our neighbors got four FEET of water, so I should be thanking my lucky stars that it didn’t turn out any worse for us.  The timing on this is as terrible as it could possibly be, as I explained last week, but is there EVER really a good time for this?  I’m trying not to whine.  Trying to remember that Americans have lost everything, including their lives, in some recent floods, so by comparison we got off scott-free.

I also have the benefit of knowing some amazing Mama-owned businesses who bought up a little advertising on my blog to help us recover from this small disaster.  Thank you to MamaPear Designs, THING-A-MA-SLING, and Support for Special Needs for jumping in and helping a mother out.  If that isn’t a good enough reason to support their businesses, then I don’t know what is.

If you or your business need some advertising, now is the time.  I’m putting all ad placements on sale this week, BOGOF.  Buy 1 month get one month free OR buy 3 months get 3 months free!  That’s an awesome deal.  I’m very nice to the businesses who advertise on my blog, and advertising (right now especially) is a really nice thing to do for me.   See how that works out well for everyone?

Ughgh.  Floods.  YOU SUCK.

July 23rd, 2010

If I Write This Post, The Terrorists Win

And so there you have it.  I have been terrorized, and threatened, and coerced into writing a post about something that I have neither the time, nor mental energy to take on.  I have been forced to prove a null hypothesis.  I have been threatened into proving that I do NOT do something. I have been terrorized into proving myself innocent of a totally ridiculous accusation.

Reportedly, the women who run the “Peaceful Parenting” facebook page started spreading a rumor that I will teach parents to circumcise their sons.  Why do they think this?  I am told they think this because they once mentioned circumcision to me in a comment on my blog, and I didn’t respond to the comment.  You know, because it’s not like I’m not busy or anything.  I am told that “Dr. Momma” began telling her readers that I am “Pro-male genital mutilation” and I will teach this to anyone who takes my classes.  This was supposedly said in a private “Discussion” on Facebook a few weeks ago – a thread I do not have access to.  After receiving some harassing, cruel messages about this rumor, I chose to clarify my position.  This caused people from her camp to ramp up the lies, and repost them all over mutual friends’ pages in an effort to slander my character.  I have been called names.  I have been lied about.  I have been accused of allowing this all to happen as a “publicity stunt.”  Way to blame the victim, ladies.

Why don’t I want to write this post?  Because I do not see the justice in being forced to spend my time disproving lies.  It has also become painfully obvious to me that no matter how many times I tell people the truth, they are so committed to the lies at any cost, they will not admit they were wrong.  Instead, they will keep changing the accusation until it has all come full circle.  No matter what the truth is, they are not interested.  They cannot let their readers know that they started lies, and tortured me over nothing.

Here is the truth about my position as a soon-to-be-certified childbirth educator and doula:

I formula fed my first son.  I know better now.  I will teach women how to breastfeed.

I had an unnecessary, elective labor induction.  I know better now.  I will teach women about normal birth.

I circumcised.  I know better now. I will teach parents about keeping their sons intact.

But sharing this information isn’t good enough for some people. They want me to publicly post my lesson plans and curriculum.  Sorry folks, but that is intellectual property, and I will not be terrorized into publishing that on the internet.  If you refuse to believe my position, I cannot take responsibility for that.  Reasonable people will be satisfied by my statement on the issues. Unreasonable people want me to give them a document promising that I abuse and torture expecting parents until they agree with my views on circumcision.  I will not do that. I CANNOT do that, as an educator, if I want to stay certified.  I can only give people the information. I cannot make their choice for them, or belittle them for their choice, and attempting to do so would violate codes of conduct.  Professional restrictions aside, I am a more compassionate person than that.  I am not a shitty person.  I help people – not hurt them.

For all the mistakes I made trying to figure out this parenting gig, I am educated now. But to some people, that’s not good enough.  To them, the choices I made in the past are all I will ever be.  That’s fine with me – those people cannot be reasoned with. Anyone who has ever been in the same room with me when circumcision comes up KNOWS how I feel about this.  It is a difficult subject for me because of the choices I’ve made, and it is cruel and unfair to terrorize me into talking about my son’s penises on the internet.

I would like to believe that the intelligent, thoughtful, passionate women who read my writings will be satisfied by this post and end the drama.  Unfortunately, given the abuse I’ve already been subjected to in the last 24 hours, I know that by hitting “Publish”, I will have to spend the rest of the afternoon fighting trolls off my page.

Thank you to all the people who have had my back on this.

Now – I have a garage sale to get ready for – who wants to help me moderate comments the rest of the day?

July 22nd, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: ACOG Admits What We Already Knew

In a long overdue press release, the American Congress of Obstetrics and Gynecologists finally steps forward to revise the old guidelines that had once caused so many hospitals and doctors to “ban” VBAC.  In a revision released today, The ACOG now states,

“a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is a safe and appropriate choice for most women who have had a prior cesarean delivery, including for some women who have had two previous cesareans…”

Hallelujah!  It’s about time!

But they didn’t come to this decision on their own.  Back in March, the National Institutes of Health held a conference on Vaginal Birth After Cesarean – a conference that I attended, wrote about, and was even featured in during the “Mother’s Stories.” I was so proud to see that at that conference, birth activists from all walks of life – doctors, researchers, midwives, and mothers – gathered to help try to convince the panel to see what we’ve all been seeing, which is that women’s rights are being trampled on when they are denied the safe option of vaginal birth.  The ACOG President himself sat in a theatre listening to stories of doctors who couldn’t help their patients because their hands were tied.  They heard stories from mothers who had to battle hospitals for the right to birth vaginally, or instead birthed unassisted at home because they could not find a provider able to help them.  And they listened to highly respected doctors and researchers present the latest available evidence, which is that VBAC is a safe option, and in fact, it is a safer option than a repeat cesarean for most women.

They were also shown a slide listing grassroots organizations and activists who tirelessly battle to preserve patient autonomy and protect the rights of childbearing women.  Thanks to those women who stood up and demanded that this was a human right’s issue, the ACOG also included this in their statement:

“restrictive VBAC policies should not be used to force women to undergo a repeat cesarean delivery against their will if, for example, a woman in labor presents for care and declines a repeat cesarean delivery at a center that does not support TOLAC.”

Do they know how long we’ve waited to hear those words?

I know many of us don’t care what the ACOG says, and we’d be VBAC’ing whether they got on board or not. But this statement could actually change maternity care in this country.  They have now admitted that women are being “forced” into surgeries they do not want or need.  They now admit that cesareans have risks, and that the risks of vaginal birth are much lower than previously implied.  They are now admitting that despite their claim as the authority on All Things Obstetric, it took a government panel to investigate this issue for the Truth about VBAC to be exposed.

And I don’t think they get the credit here.  I think we do. That’s right – you and me.  So thank you to the the women like Joy Szabo, and Jill from Unnecesarean.  To the women like Desirre Andrews, and Jennifer Block.  To Nicette Jukelevics and Jen from VBACFacts.com.  To the women of ICAN, and the midwives who risk prosecution to attend a home birth after cesarean where the state doesn’t support it.  To all the women who Tweeted, and Facebooked, and Blogged this issue until government health experts couldn’t help but take notice.

We did this.  We made this change happen because we spoke up and insisted on being treated better. But the work is not done yet. Now, we must take this statement to our providers and hospitals and challenge those VBAC “Bans.”  Send the statement to your sisters, coworkers, and friends who may be considering a VBAC.  Write about it, talk about it, and keep spreading the message until VBAC is no longer a four letter word.

Change is coming.  I can see it in the horizon.

July 21st, 2010

No Sleep ‘Till Manhattan

There’s nothing more privileged and self indulgent than writing a whole post about how painfully busy you are. Being busy is a good problem to have, especially if the busy is work/career related.

But this blog is my place for catharsis. This is the one place I can whine when my husband can’t stand hearing me whine anymore. So I’m going to whine now about how I’ve taken on too much, and how the stress is probably causing my intestines to develop cancerous cells as we speak.

In two weeks I fly off to the Big Apple for BlogHer where I will spend days on end schmoozing and networking and trying to be on my very, very best behavior in order to trick people into thinking I’m totally cool. And before I leave to go do that, I’m opening my own brick ‘n’ mortar business. What??? Is she NUTS?!!?

Yes. In case you’re just tuning in. I am completely insane.

Because all the while that I’ve been working on preparing for BlogHer AND trying to open a real business with rent and commercial utility bills and tax ID numbers and licenses, I’ve also been working on my childbirth educator certification.

Oh wait. I’m not done yet.

While doing all that, I’ve also been attending births as a doula. I started out taking on births just to complete the requirements for my childbirth educator certification, and before I knew it, I was taking on far more births than I actually needed for the requirements. In the last month I’ve helped three mamas meet their babies, and I’ve got two more moms on deck in the next few weeks. Tomorrow, I’m interviewing for another mom due in a month. As it turns out, I don’t suck at this doula stuff, and I’m actually really enjoying it. It’s insanely fulfilling. So, because I’m a multi-tasking junkie, I also decided to go after my doula certification this fall, on top of everything else that I’m doing, which includes returning for my Senior year at Loyola next month. August is going to be completely out of control.

Did I mention I have two children who are in the most defiant stages possible right now? Send Help.

I don’t know how I do all this to myself. I think that I just see an opportunity and say “Yes! Yes! I must take that on because THAT will finally fulfill me!” And here’s where I end up.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m so happy about everything that’s happening. Honestly, it could not have worked out any better. One of the reasons I’ve taken on so much is because everything just happens to be falling in my lap so easily. I got a full sponsorship from FuzziBunz to go to BlogHer, and people seem to be coming out of the woodwork to help me make Birthing Babes a great success. Every time I turn around, people are offering me ways to help make my dreams come true, greasing the wheels on Steam Engine Gina.

How can a girl turn any of this down?  I can’t.  And I won’t.   It’s just not in my nature. So while the stress eats away at my intestines, please don’t judge me for how much I’ve taken on, and please don’t roll your eyes when I ask you to pat me on the head and tell me it’s all gonna be okay.

I just need to get myself to New York. I just need to get through BlogHer. And then I will sleep for a solid day in the lovely Manhattan hotel room that I’ve worked so hard to earn.

And if you’re in the Chicago area – pretty please come to the Birthing Babes Open House on Sunday, August 1st. You can meet all the instructors, enter to win some amazing prizes (seriously, people have been so very generous to us), and get 10% off any class you register for that day.  Having a full house that day would definitely ease some of my New Business jitters.

Please, and thank you.

_______________________________________________________

Now you can tell me about how busy you are – because ALL moms are busy, even if they aren’t opening childbirth studios and flying to New York to play with other bloggers.  Tell me what’s happening in your worlds because God Knows I haven’t had the time or mental space to keep up with anybody else.

July 17th, 2010

Living with a Pint-Sized Lawyer

Last week, my mommy BFF noticed the frequency, intensity, and commitment that Jonas displays when arguing with me.  Of course he does the same sort of Yes/No tug-o-war that I think most children at his age do, but his debate skills seem to go far beyond that.  Once my friend pointed out Jonas’s funny (well, funny to her – intensely annoying to me) behavior, I started paying attention to see if other children argued with their moms the way my child argues with me.  I thought this was a preschooler thing, but I’m starting to realize that maybe it’s not.

The thing is, I try not to argue with him.  I see no point in a 32 year old woman arguing with a nearly-4 year old child.  If I say we can’t have any more cookies before dinner, then to me, that’s the end of that discussion.  To him, that is just the beginning.

First, there’s begging.  Then, there’s jumping up and down.  Then, there’s the screaming.  Next comes the negotiating: “Mommy, but if I do x,y,z, THEN can I have more cookies?” And of course, when nothing else works, he’s got persistence on his side.  He will stand in front of me for an hour or more and say “Mommy, you WILL give me cookies.  Right now!  Do you hear me MOMMY!?!?”  (This is what he was doing when my friend commented on his superb debate skills.)  Meanwhile, I go about my business, and fantasize about having one of those agreeable children that I read about on other people’s blogs.

Sometimes, He goes straight for the big guns:  Guilt.

Jonas has mastered the art of what some people call Catholic guilt, even though this is a god-less household.  I think his father’s 13 years of parochial school somehow passed into Jonas’s genetic makeup.  Here’s a list of guilt trips I hear on a daily basis.

But Grandma lets me watch more TV!

But Mommy, if you leave the house, I’ll be lost!

But Mommy, I need to eat food so I can be healthy! (when I refuse the cookies)

But Mommy, I have bad dreams in my bed.  I have good dreams in your bed!

And the list goes on. Every day, he finds a new approach, and I realize that 20 years from now, I’ll be running “Crosley-Corcoran & Sons, Attorneys at Law.”

Now, when he starts trying to wear me down, I try to be proud that my child is so passionate and committed to his views.  Maybe he’ll grow up and become a leader who hounds the present administration into giving us real healthcare. Or maybe he’ll pass federal legislation protecting breastfeeding.  Perhaps he’ll make a billion dollars selling ketchup popsicles to ladies in white gloves.  I don’t know what he’ll end up doing with this skill, but I imagine it will serve him as well as it has served me.

In the meantime, it makes me want to stick my head in the oven.

________________________________________________________________

Tell me, does your child do this?  And if so, how do you survive the day without shipping them to the nearest unsuspecting relative?