I started to talk about this in the comments section of another blogger’s post, but I already promised to complete my thoughts about this here, so here goes.

Yes, it is true that for thousands of years, philosophers have been discussing the true meaning or concept of “Good.”  And yes, it is true that language is inherently ambiguous, meaning that the society utilizing the language decides on the meaning of that word, and there could be many completely contradictory meanings of any one word.

But is there really any question in our minds what constitutes a “bad mother?”  Sure, there are varying degrees of “bad” – ranging from the “leave-your-baby-unattended-in-a-hot-car” type of Bad to “carelessly-feed-them-junk-until-they-develop-diabetes” type of Bad.  Only one of those things will actually get you thrown in jail, but I think we can all agree that neither of those actions is “good.”  I’ll completely sidestep the obviously demented and psychologically unstable “drown-your-kids-in-the-bathtub” type, because to me that has gone far beyond “bad” mom to “clinically insane” mom.

So, knowing what our society generally accepts as the definition of a “bad mother” – why are so many GOOD mothers lining up to label themselves “bad?”  The answer has been attempted to be justified by some of the most popular mom bloggers out there today, but not one of them has convinced me of their case.  Here’s why:

Some years ago toward the peak of my rocker days, I had to deal with quite a bit of jealousy because of the unique opportunities I received.  Lesser people talked, as they do, and accused me of sleeping around to get the things I wanted.  Some of them just accused me of sleeping around for no reason.  It made them feel better about themselves to try and drag me down.  And while I was in no way a prude, or even a good girl, my life behind closed doors was nobody else’s business.

So one day I got sick of all the chatter, and I decided to take back the power!  Go Gina!  My band was headlining a big show, so I got a T-shirt made that said, in big bold letters simply, “Dirty Whore.”  I wore that shirt proudly and thought to myself “Oh yeah! You want to call me a dirty whore! Well, I beat you to it!”  I felt so witty and clever.  That’s the benefit of immaturity – it makes you think you’re so brilliant while everyone else is simply embarrassed for you.

Now I get to explain to my children why there’s a picture of their mommy on stage wearing a shirt reading “Dirty Whore.”  Not exactly one of my finer moments.  In my capricious youth I thought I was taking back the term.  Now, I realize I just sank down to their level.  Now, at 31, I realize that I gave others permission to define me and my style by derogatory terms, instead of breaking the mold and redefining what it meant to be a female artist.  How incredibly short-sighted of me.  I had a great opportunity to change attitudes, but instead I accepted defeat, accepted their label, and tried to convince myself it didn’t hurt.

And these Proud Bad Moms are no different.  They’re shirking the “mainstream” expectations of them by labeling themselves “bad” – as if “bad” is the new “good.”  Well, all I know is the real “bad” mothers are still “bad” and I wouldn’t want to be associated with that category of people no matter how hip and rebellious it seems.  What exactly is wrong with broadening the scope of what it means to be a GOOD mother?  Perhaps that’s a little more work, and wouldn’t garner as much attention and blog hits.  But Bad attracts Bad – and It won’t take too long before the truly Bad moms arrive on their blog’s doorstep telling “funny” stories of how they locked their kids in the trunk of their car because they were yellin’, and now The Good-Bad Moms end up in the precarious position of separating themselves from the Good bad and Actual bad.  And then who gets to decide what's "Acceptable Bad" and "Unacceptable Bad?" And even if everyone knew they were being “tongue-in-cheek” this is still nothing more than accepting the opinions of others rather than redefining what it means to be doing the Right Thing.

Let’s remove this from the Mommy Wars for a second and apply this to other unique groups.  Do you see educated, respectable African Americans proudly calling themselves racial slurs just because some other ignorant people do?  Hell No.  They will not sink to that level. They work to redefine what it means to be a strong black person in American Society instead of accepting defeat and assimilating into the ignorance.  Barack Obama has been called a “Terrorist” and “Communist” on a million occasions, and I don’t see him out at the press junkets saying “Yo, Yo, yeah, I’m a terrorist, what!  Terrorists are the new cool!”  Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?  But couldn’t we argue that the word “terrorist” is just as ambiguous as “bad” and Barack has the right to redefine what it means to be a terrorist?  I know, I know. That’s just silly – about as silly as this whole "Bad Moms are really Good Moms" thing.

All I know is that Good is still Good, and no trend will undo that.  I align myself with the Good Mothers because that’s the example I want to set for my children.  Unfortunately, it’s a little too late for that “Dirty Whore” thing.  I can only hope that one day, when my kids come across that picture, it teaches them a lesson about immaturity and the long-term memory of the internet.  In the meantime, I'm trying to straighten up my act.