For the past few weeks, I’ve had this feeling that 2010 is really going to be my year. I have quite a few exciting things already lined up for the next 6 months, and if I happen to win The-Lottery-of-Things-Working-Out-Perfectly, this really will be a banner year. Of course, there is no guarantee that I will win the Life Lottery, and there is no guarantee that any of the long shots I have lined up will fall into place. So I’m straddling the fence between two different trains of thought.

On one hand, I’m trying with all my might to will good fortune into existence. I want this TLC/Discovery Health show to make my family look good, and bring traffic to my blog so I can continue to spread my birthy/feministy gospel. I admit, I’d love to make a few bucks in advertising to offset the cost of running this blog too. I also want to win this Truman Scholarship (or at least make it to the final round – that in itself is a huge accomplishment.) And finally, I want desperately to find a way to make this Rome trip happen (in case you’re just tuning in, I’m trying to study abroad in Rome for five weeks this summer, bringing my family along for at least half of the trip.)

On the other hand, I’m trying to find a way to be happy if nothing at all works out. I tend to place too much of my mood/happiness on circumstance, rather than on a simple state of being. I’ve always been like that. I’m a pessimist. It’s who I am. I’m not sure if that will change at the ripe ol’ age of 31, but I’m working on it.

But seriously, if I look good on national television, win a Truman scholarship, and go to Rome – all in the same year – life will be really freaking sweet. Unbelievably sweet. Actually, it all sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? That seems like entirely too many awesome things to happen to me in one lifetime, let alone one single year.

The TLC/Discovery Health show is out of my hands now.  I did what I could, now it’s up to the producers to make sure our hard work is edited in a way that makes everyone look smart/fabulous/interesting. I did all I could to put my best foot forward for this Truman Scholarship, and it’s up to the foundation now to decide whether or not I’m worthy.  But the Rome trip is something I haven’t yet worked out completely. I still have to find a way to pay for it, which seems wholly impossible right now. If anyone knows of any study abroad fellowships/scholarships, please, point me in that direction.

And right now I’m going to work on being happy no matter what happens. This year, happiness may finally include a pharmaceutical solution because I feel like I’ve tried hard to overcome my depressive issues by myself, and it’s not exactly working.  That’s a hard one to admit, and I haven’t yet fully committed to the idea, but I’m trying to open myself up to it.

Finally – it seems appropriate to list my New Year’s Resolutions as part of this post, so here they are.

1. Work on My Marriage – meaning, start trying as hard as my husband tries. He, and the children, deserve that.
2. Maintain my 4.0 GPA
3. Branch Out – meaning, start a podcast** or vlog, and get feminist mothering guest bloggers to write posts here
4. BE HAPPY!!!!

**FYI, if I start a podcast, I want guest speakers every week.  If you’d like to be one, pretty please tell me in the comments section (or email me).  Also, please let me know if you’d even be interested in seeing/hearing me do a podcast.  I only want to venture into it if my readers are interested. Otherwise, really, there is no point.

Happy 2010! May the next 365 be a banner year for us all!