In never ceases to amaze me that, despite my very clear (and slightly silly) comment policy, some people have no problem acting like giant buttheads in the comment section on my blog. I understand that not everything I say is going to resonate with everyone. I also get that some things I say are polarizing, and will be met with fierce opposition. That’s fine.
The subjects I tackle are often emotionally charged, outside the mainstream, and steeped in passionate conviction based on my own experience, research, and ideology. There is no way that I could say something that everyone in the world will agree with. It’s just not possible. For example, I could say “You know, it’s not nice to kick puppies” and undoubtedly someone will show up to leave a comment yelling “You are a stupid asshole, kicking puppies is awesome!!!”
I just can’t win.
Thankfully, most people who read my blog are either A.) on the same page with me, or B.) know how to politely disagree without attacking me or calling names.
Unfortunately, that’s just not the case 100% of the time. Having a comment box means the inevitable rogue commentor with too much time on their hands and no ability to edit themselves. Many bloggers have experienced this at some point, especially if they attract a lot of comments.
However, in the words of Eddie Murphy’s drunk father, “I pay the rent… this is MY house!”
Because my blog is a space on the internet that I own and manage, allowing others to leave comments on my blog is like inviting them into my home, both literally and figuratively. Each time a comment is left, I get an email that which I open in my office, my TV room, my bedroom, or sometimes in my car. When people say “Your post sucks” or “You are stupid,” that message hits me in my real life, and it hurts. It pulls a nice dark cloud over wherever it is I’m sitting at the time. The more viscous comments can often feel like a kick in the gut.
It feels exactly the way it would if I invited someone over as a guest in my home, and he or she turned to me and said, “You know what? This dinner you made is total horseshit.”
How many of us would do that to a hostess? I’m guessing not too many. Sure, we’ve been at somebody’s house, politics have come to the table, and we have disagreed. I don’t mind disagreement. Disagreement is healthy. It moves a discussion along and expands our minds.
But it’s no longer a simple disagreement when you turn to your host and call her a bitch, or tell her that her house sucks. That’s just an outburst. A mean, uncalled for, outburst. And she doesn’t have to put up with it. In her home, she decides what goes, and if that means kicking you out, then I don’t blame her one bit.
And that’s exactly how I feel about comments on a private blog. As a commentor, act the same way you would if this person invited you over for tea. If she said something you didn’t like, you have two real choices.
A. Ignore it and go on with your life (what a novel concept!)
B. Tell her you feel differently and start a dialogue
BUT – under no circumstances should you call her a name, tell her that she “sucks,” or otherwise personally attack her.
If someone is allowing you to comment on their blog, take this as a personal invitation into their home and treat it as such. Otherwise, she might just revoke that invitation and send you packing. I have no problem hitting the ol’ delete button – I just wish people wouldn’t make me use it.
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What’s your experience with rogue commentors? Do you delete them or keep them? Have you been one? Fess up.
The only narky commenting experiences I've had are from people I know in real life. Sometimes they post without saying who they are but leave the same email address as they use on facebook. Hello! I'm sneaky and I can see who you are!
.-= Zoey @ Good Goog´s last blog ..02/365 – Morning Coffee =-.
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