June 11th, 2010
Breaking Up The Boys
Our boys have always shared a bedroom. Well, technically Julesy slept with us until he was 2 months old, but once he started sleeping in his own bed, his crib was in his brother’s room. I didn’t prefer for the boys to bunk together, we just didn’t have the space for them to each have their own room. Our little house is technically a 3 bedroom, but our “master” bedroom and bathroom were additions on the house, and the original owners used one of the bedrooms as the entrance to new “master suite” (trust me, that sounds fancier than it really is.) This means you have to walk through one of the bedrooms to get to our bedroom, so we never considered that middle room a real bedroom. It was really more like a glorified hallway to us. For the last three years we used it as an office, which was great for me, but it meant the two boys had to shack up together.
Last fall we realized that Julesy was ready to have a big boy bed, so we bought Jonas a full-size bed and gave Julesy the toddler bed. Almost immediately, Julesy decided that Jonas’s full-sized bed was the place to be, and he abandoned his little toddler bed. After a few weeks of the toddler bed going unused, we took it out of the room and let the boys both sleep in the full size bed. It seemed to make everyone happy – for a little while. They would snuggle up together and fall asleep, which was off-the-charts adorable.
Prior to this time, the boys had great sleep habits. I’m a big fan of getting the kids to sleep at the same time every night, and establishing a solid bedtime routine. At one time, they were rockstars with the bedtime routine. However, once Julesy was no longer contained by the crib, he started treating bedtime like a free-for-all. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual decay in their sleep habits. Once upon a time, we were able to get both the boys asleep between 7:30-8:00 pm. John and I could then spend about four hours a night (8:00 pm to midnight) on homework, or being together, or whatever else needed to be done.
However, the last few months the children’s bedtime routine started spinning totally out of control. Being in the same bed – the same room – made both of them turn kooky. Jules would pick on Jonas and Jonas would scream. Then when we got Jonas calmed down, he’d turn around and steal a stuffed animal from Jules and then Jules would scream. All of this kept escalating until we saw ourselves spending an average of two hours each night breaking up fights and soothing everyone down until they finally fell asleep at closer to 9:30-10:00 pm. Then, because there was still four hours each night of homework or housecleaning that needed to be done, John and I began needing to stay up until 2:00 am every night in order to catch up on our own work.
Something had to give. So – I gave up my office. It took me about a month, but I finally managed to convince the Hyphenated Husband to move the piano and desk to different areas in the house, and give Julesy his very own bedroom. Neither of us was excited about losing our office, or making a huge change like this, but we began to feel that breaking up the boys was our only option to restore some peace to our evenings.
We took a whole Saturday and transformed the glorified hallway into a room fit for a toddler. We set back up his toddler bed, decorated his walls in his favorite thing (decals pictures of sports balls) and filled his shelves with his favorite board books. I felt terrible taking him away from his brother, but Jonas was absolutely thrilled to have his own room back. Once Julesy saw the basketballs and footballs on his wall, he was happy with his new space too.
The very first night, it was clear that our plan worked. Jonas went immediately to bed without a single objection – due (I’m certain) in large part by him not having to fight off his rambunctious little brother. Julesy protested a little, but we sat with him until he got used to his room, and now he’s sleeping better than ever. (notice him bed-sharing with his basketball – the kid is fanatically obsessed with his balls.)
So now, Julesy sleeps in his own room for the first time in two years. The boys are both asleep by 8:00 pm again, and the adults no longer have to stay up until 2:00 am doing homework anymore. The whole house is more peaceful… more harmonious. Yeah, it sucks to have to walk through Julesy’s room to access the rest of the house, but it’s really not as bad as we thought it would be. I feel foolish not to have separated them before, but the transition is bittersweet. *sniff, sniff*
My babies are getting so big.
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Do your kids share a room, and at what age? How does it work in your house?
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Seriously, not many things are sweeter than sleeping babes!!
We currently co-sleep with Fin (almost 13 months) in our queen-size bed. Not sure how we’d fit another baby in the bed when we’re ready to add to our family!
I love the idea of siblings co-sleeping too but i can see how that could eventually be problematic!
I think sleeping arrangements will change as needed and it will be different for each family. And that’s ok!
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the boys currently share a room. they do talk with each other, but they’re in separate beds. In the future i may give them different rooms… but we’ll see.
mommymichael´s last blog ..Care packages
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The boys share a room (4 yr old in a twin, 2 yr old in a crib.) The 1 yr old is (sniff, sob) just starting to sleep in her crib in our room. (Although she generally ends up back in our bed around 4 am anyways.) Within a few months I’d like to move the baby in with the boys…but my 2 yr old is the world’s lightest sleeper, so that may not happen any time soon.
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we are currently dealing with marathon bedtimes of our own but this morning my eldest explained why “I’m sad. I’m scared of the dark.”
not earth shattering, but that certainly does explain it.
Emily´s last blog ..Fillmore’s Betrayal
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My older two shared a room from when they were 6 and 3 until they were 10 and 7. The initial almost-2-year-old nuttiness around bedtime (seems to happen with or without a crib) was resolved before they started sharing bunk beds.
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Great post! We have this coming in our future. We have a three bedroom but the third bedroom is on another level. Right now the 9 month old is in bed with us and I envision the girls shackin’ up when the time is right but this does make me think…
Moving is out of the question though. Unless Mama and Daddy move to the basement room but that kind of weirds me out too. Sigh. Kids.
Karianna´s last blog ..What makes a feminist?
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Our twins share a room. They’re four. I ask them if they want to split up from time to time, and they always say, “Sleep ALONE?” with the same incredulity. I suppose they can get their own places after college!
Sadia´s last blog ..Another life lesson
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My 6 year old and 2 year old share a room. The two year old is in a crib right now but that will be changing this summer…and will be interesting as right now I am still nursing him down and alot of nights after I spend like 45 min with him he still ends up in the crib crying for a little bit before he goes to sleep. I can imagine once he can get out of bed we are going to have a whole other ballgame on our hands….oh yeah, and our nightime routine is a nightmare, like yours got to be. We gotta fix it before my 6 year old starts 1st grade in the fall. Their bedroom is 10X10 so once we get two twin beds and 2 dressers in there, there will be little to no room for anything else. Considering bunk beds, but my 2 year old loves to climb and…..I just don’t see that going well.
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I am dreading when I have to do that with our two!
Danielle´s last blog ..Preparing for the Battle of a Lifetime
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I have my boys – 9, 6 and 4, in a room together, but different beds. Sometimes they get silly, but I guess I must yell more than you, because they usually settle down pretty quick. I’ve actually found that when I tell them they can talk for 5 or ten minutes, they use the time well and then relax. It also helps to have an older kid who has a good sense of the rules and is ‘in charge’. We only have 3 bedrooms, one for me and the baby, one for my husband who works nights, and one for the boys.
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My boys technically have their own rooms, but DH puts the older one to sleep while I put the younger one to sleep, then we both get back up to do whatever. In the night, the younger one calls me to his room, while the older one usually finds his way to “my” (so-called) room to join his dad around 4-5 am. So we’re bed hoppers. When my DH is away on business, the older one doesn’t like to wait for me to put his brother to bed, because he knows he’ll fall asleep alone in the process, so he joins us and the two usually end up sleeping together. And I usually end up squished between them in the middle of the night! Some nights though, the little one won’t settle (he’s in a very long nap transition stage — he needs a nap most days, but then bedtime sucks), and if he’s bugging his brother, or the older one starts to get silly too, I do split them up. Funnily enough, the older one WANTS to share a room with his brother, preferably with bunk beds, once the little one is no longer nursing/needing to sleep with me. Unfortunately I’m too afraid of the younger one climbing up to the top bunk, because he will. We’ve actually considered moving them both into our room, moving our bed to our older son’s room and our desk to the younger son’s. That way they have more room for toys and books, and we don’t have to have a desk in our bedroom (right now there is no other place for it).
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I like the idea of my kids sharing a room. But in practice, whenever we’ve tried having them sleep together, it’s a disaster. Luckily, we have a very tradition 3-bedroom, so it hasn’t been an issue yet.
Amber´s last blog ..The Insult of the Missing Piece
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Oh dear, Bedtime routines! We are currently struggling to form a routine that works. Son is 5, daughter is 7 months. Son is testing limits (parents limits that is) and my daughter needs to be nursed down in our bed (co-sleeping). This is fine when my husband is home, he takes Nico and I nurse Cora. Then we are free to be Adults Alone. But, Husband is a working musician, gigs 3 nights each week and travels one weekend a month. This leaves me solo. Being out numbered is way hard and I haven’t yet figured out a routine that works for everyone. I hope that once Cora is older they can successfully share a room, I need a light at the end of the bedtime tunnel.
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MIne (boy 2 and girl 4) share a room, two big toddler beds. WE are having this same creeping of sleep time to past 9pm some nights, because they play with each other. Its good for their relationship, and rather cute, but bad for their sleep habits! We don’t have any other option short of moving house, so I’m experimenting with putting the little one to bed an hour earlier, which sometimes works. If I can get him to sleep before his sister she will then go to bed quietly, and also get a bit of mummy time after her brother is asleep. It is tough though when the evenings are so light.
Glad to hear you have restored sleepage in your house!
geekymummy´s last blog ..moving on out, moving on up?
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My two boys shared a room from the beginning, in separate beds, and it was only when they were 6.5 and 4.5 that it started to get ugly. Sleeping wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t OK either, and they fought all the rest of the time. So, oldest went into the baby’s room, and the baby moved in with my younger boy. She was 1.5 at the time. And that largely stopped the fights, and the two younger ones are (more or less) happily sharing a room for the last 2 years. We have the room set up so they each have a “side”, but the youngest have similar sleep habits, and go to bed at the same time, and wake at the crack of dawn, too. 
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Is there any chance you can do some construction work, so that the glorified hallway/office/bedroom can be turned into an actual room? My grandparents had a master bed/bath, and being a general contractor, my grandfather knocked out the rear wall, put on a larger bedroom, and left the original bed/bath as the “entry” into the bedroom. He uses the ante-room as an office.
Even a decent set of french doors might make your room a little more private at least. This way, as kids are playing between rooms, your room is closed off & they can’t bring the mess into your room, too. 
Maegan´s last blog ..A Day to Remember…
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