February 11th, 2009

Fertility Treatments = High Risk Delivery?

Here's a question for you all.  Does conception by means of fertility treatments automatically label a pregnancy and delivery as "High Risk?"  I ask because I know someone desperately trying to concieve via IVF, and believes that her (hopeful) pregnancy will be high risk and that she will not qualify for a normal, vaginal delivery.

I have to say that I am no expert in the field of fertility treatments, or how they may translate into birth risk factors, but something doesn't sound right to me about that.  It seems to me that just because a woman needs some assistance with getting a pregnancy to occur, does not mean that pregnancy is doomed to be risky henceforce.  I suppose it may depend on the why the fertility treatments were necessitated to begin with.  This particular friend's treatments are for a failure to ovulate due to increase progesterone levels, and PCOS. 

Tell me, other natural birthy mamas, do fertility treatments rule out a homebirth?  Or even an unmedicated vaginal birth?  Are all IVF pregnancies "high risk?"

February 9th, 2009

Excellent C-Section Analogy by Abby Epstein

I have "The Business of Being Born" on DVD now, and I finally got around to watching some of the bonus footage.  There is a conversation between Ricky and Abby that I found especially compelling.

(Spoiler Alert!)  As we know, Dr. Michel Odent claims that mothers who give birth by c-section do not experience the natural oxytocin rush that permanently bonds a mother and baby.  He talks about how Chimpanzees that give birth by c-section will not take care of their babies.  He fears what will happen to the world if mothers continue to give birth without experiencing this "love cocktail" as he calls it.

In this conversation between Ricky and Abby, Ricky asks Abby if she, having given birth by cesarean, was offended at Dr. Odent's assessment.  She said she was not offended, because she understood it.  Now here comes the great analogy.  She said that she did not feel like she gave birth (as many of us don't.) 

Instead she said she felt like she was in a car accident, had surgery, then somebody handed her a baby.

That makes sense to me.  My surgical birth felt the same – like a car accident – scary, out of control, hard to remember the details. 

Now, of course we love our babies.  Having a surgical birth does not take away a normal woman's ability to love her baby.  However, there is a part of (many of us) us that will always feel a little bit of pain and sadness when we look at our child and think about their entry into the world.  There is a part that was taken away that we can never get back.  We learn to work around it.  But that doesn't take it away.

Having had a surgical birth and a vaginal birth, I can tell you that my feelings toward my children are very different.  I love them both more than my heart can stand, but there is an invisible wall between Jonas (my cesarean baby) and I that I am constanly trying to compensate for.  Jules (my vaginal baby), on the other hand, feels like an extension of my soul.  I also thank the breastfeeding for my bond with Jules – something I didn't get to do with Jonas largely because of the way the c-section complicated breastfeeding.

After Jules was born, I felt alive.  I felt like I could mother him like nobody else.

After Jonas was born, I felt like a beached, bloated whale carcass.  I felt like I had failed right from the beginning.

I spend a lot of my time wishing that Jonas had a do-over… that he and I didn't have to experience the "car accident" as Abby called it.  We'll both get over it and be fine, but this needs to be talked about so other women don't have to learn about the "car accident" feeling the way I did; the hard way.

I really wish they had put that bit in the movie.  I actually think it was the most powerful message of Abby's birth.

January 24th, 2009

What the F*&@ is Wrong with You?!?

I'm about to go off.

Pardon me, but what the F**K is wrong with these woman who continue to smoke while they are pregnant?  What the friggen A?!?!?  Are you freaking STUPID?!?!

And don't give me the dumb bullshit about how it's "sooooo hard" to quit.  Tough!  I smoked for 14 YEARS!!! But the minute I found out that there was a fetus breathing in that smoke, I stopped.  Immediately and Permanently.  I seriously won't even let my kids be around someone who smoked earlier that day if I know about it (or can smell it – and let me tell you that I CAN smell smoke a thousand miles away these days.)  I wouldn't let my dad's latest ex-wife hold Jonas because she smelled like a damn bar.

And then there are these woman who quit smoking while pregnant, then start back up again after they have the baby.  Well, I have a classmate whose baby died at 3 weeks old from second hand smoke exposure (DIRECTLY ATTRIBUTED) who will tell you that you're being as stupid as they come.  Her boyfriend's smoking literally choked the poor baby to death.  And don't go congratulating yourself for smoking "outside" or "away from the baby."  It's called THIRD HAND SMOKE.  Look it up! 

Why go to all the trouble of having a baby, then expose them to toxic chemicals leaching off your skin and clothes?  Jesus… of all the preventable things in the world…

Excuse me, but if you think smoking once you've decided to bring kids into this world is "okay" then I call BAD MOMMY!  And Dad, you're not off the hook either.  Get the EFFING cigarette out of your hand and give it up!  Think about what you're doing to your kids when they have to watch daddy deteriorate and die a slow painful death from that smoking.  I have a grandfather who has basically ruined the last 10 years of his wife's life by dying the slowest, most painful death possible from emphysema and heart disease.  He's still hanging on though….. barely.

You may have had an uncle who smoked 2 packs of Camels a day and lived until 96, but I guarantee his qualify of life was crap that last 20 or 30 years.  Nice way to die. (insert eye rolling here.)

That's it.  I'm done.  For now….  but I swear to god if there was a committee I could join to completely OUTLAW parental smoking, I would so be on that committee.

January 17th, 2009

Choice and the Illusion of “Control”

I once had a very Type-A coworker, much like myself.  Very organized, and stressed, and like me, she vibrated with anxiety about all the things she had to take on in a day.  We Type-A's like to plan, that's for sure.  This coworker also scheduled her c-sections because, as another coworker (a friend of hers) put it to me "she likes to be in control of her births."

Really?  I personally can't imagine having any less control than when I was strapped to that table, paralyzed from the ribs down, being sliced into by a bunch of people I could neither see nor hear.  I can't imagine having less control than not being able to reach out and touch my baby, or hold him, or see him for 6 hours after I'd "birthed" him.  I can't imagine having any less control than not being able to move/stand/walk by myself for days and days.  Control?  No…. that seems like the total opposite of "control" to me.

No… I don't call putting my birth in the hands of masked med-pros "taking control."  That is most definitely GIVING control.  And I personally think there is no one more qualified in the world to bring a baby into the world than its own mother.*  Women ought to think harder about things they do, and whether their illusion of control is just that; an illusion.

__________________________________

*outside the true medical emergencies, obviously.

January 13th, 2009

Cloth Diapering (a.k.a.) Making my Brain Bleed Again

Cloth diapering keeps coming up in my world.  A friend who lives half a world away from me just started making her own (and they're freaking adorable.)  Then a discussion came up on my Mommy group about them.  And the more they get brought up, the more I want to try to make the switch.  They are just too cute.  The problem is:

A. I cannot figure out how people afford the start up cost.  This is goddamn expensive compared to the $30 a month I spend on Luvs. John and I have already been in a fight today about me spending the money on them.  He just does NOT want to do it.  And if you know John, you know just how miserable he can make my life when I spend money on something he doesn't want to spend money on.  We don't have a wedding video or a SINGLE PICTURE from our wedding because of him.  Was that stupid on his part?  Well, he thinks so now… but there was no convincing him at the time.  Oh.. I could really go off about that… but moving on…

B. All the washing instructions I've seen make this look like a full time job… and I do not need ANOTHER full time job.  If this was so easy, then why does it take every single site I visit an entire long ass-page to explain how to wash a simple little diaper?  TOO HARD, I say!!!!

But I can't help the fact that I know it's better for the environment and all that jazz.  I also know it would probably save us money in the long run if we have some more kids (although I'm not convinced that the diapers would even last through a couple of kids because I keep hearing people talk about needing to replace theirs with the same baby, and eff that noise.)

I don't know… this just seems like one of those things I should be doing… just like all the other "granola" things I've come to find important.

The first time I heard of someone doing cloth diapering I laughed my head off… "Wow, now that is effing stupid!" I thought to myself.  But… I also had the same reaction to breastfeeding, natural childbirth, and making baby food — all things I'm huge a believer in now.  Contrary to popular belief, my mind CAN be changed about things… as long as I'm presented with evidence.  I might be stubborn and passionate, but I'm not stupid.

This is somehow different though.  I keep trying and trying and trying to understand it… but I keep coming up empty handed.  As far as I can tell, getting started with Pocket Diapers (the only kind I can figure out AT ALL) would cost about $400 MINIMUM.  I mean… WTF?!??  Who has $400 sitting around?  I have some school money coming in soon, but if I spent $400 of it on that instead of paying off a year old Circuit City bill, not only would John have an aneurysm, but I'd also be paying 19% interest on that $400 too.  Spending $30 a month on Luvs seems FAR more affordable.

Here is what I need:  a button that says "Click here to buy the perfect cloth diaper that will work for your family and fit your baby all for a price your husband can swallow without losing his damn mind."

No button… no cloth diapering for me, I 'spose.