February 1st, 2010
Sex is More Fun When It’s Funny
Tonight I learned some new things about the natural gender selection method we’re trying out. Instead of just the timing of intercourse, apparently the odds can be swayed by diet, and changing the pH in the woman’s vagina to make it more hospitable to either the XX or XY chromosome sperm — whichever you’re going for.
In my case, we’re trying to get the girl spermies to reach the egg before the boys do. This means I need to do some things to get my pH more on the acidic side, so the fragile male sperm can’t survive, which leaves the female sperm hanging around waiting for ovulation.
One of the things I have to do is cut out coffee (somebody kill me now) and bananas (they are one of my all-time favorite foods.) I don’t fully understand the extent of this diet yet, but if I find out that I have to stop eating chocolate, then I’m calling the whole damn thing off. THAT is a deal breaker, my friends.
Oh, and get this — I also found out that if you’re trying for a girl, the woman shouldn’t orgasm during intercourse. That’s right - they say having an orgasm during intercourse makes the vaginal environment more hospitable toward the male sperm.
So THAT is why I have two boys?!? Because I’m cursed with multiple orgasms? Son-of-a-Mother-Effing-Effer!
Okay, fine. I can skip a few orgasms if it means keeping my “environment” just right for conceiving a girl. So I tell the husband that I’m going to have to take a few for the team, and he’s (can you believe it?!?!) okay with that. He’s trying desperately to hide the excitement on his face as I’m standing over the stove, giving him permission to come without me for the first time in 5.5 years, so I say
“But listen pal! You’re paying me back BIG TIME later in the month!”
And of course, he’s fine with that too. The funny part is that sex has now become an act of simply depositing sperm where we needs it to be. This is quite comical to both of us, but alas, once our DVR’d shows were through, HH leans over to take off my pants so we can get the show on the road. This is a whole new feeling for us, and it’s hard not to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of having sex for the sole purpose of impregnation. We’ve spent most of our adult lives desperately NOT trying to make a baby.
So we’re getting into it, we’re already halfway laughing anyway, so I say to Hyphenated Husband,
“Hey, think GIRL when you spit it in there.”
And he starts howling with laughter. So now we’re both laughing — still doing it, and laughing. Then he says,
“Now I’m thinking of Kevin Smith”
And of course! I mean, who doesn’t think of Kevin Smith when they’re having sex with their hot wife?! Actually, I bet Kevin Smith would be thrilled to hear that we’re thinking of him during intercourse. He is one kinky motherfucker. Then husband says,
“You saying “Spit” made me remember Kevin Smith calling it a Dick Sneeze.”
And the words “Dick Sneeze” send me into hysterics. So now, we’re having what might be the loudest sex we’ve had in months, but not because both of us are calling to God, but because we’re both cracking up so hard that we (almost) lost our rhythm.
And it was fun. Sure, I had to sacrifice my orgasm, but it was still probably one of the more memorable sex sessions we’ve had in awhile. And I know my orgasm isn’t gone forever — it’s just waiting for a time when I don’t have to worry about my damn vaginal pH levels.
I swear, in all my life, I never thought I’d hear myself utter the words “vaginal pH.”
January 30th, 2010
Adventures in (more) Babymaking
Well… there it is. In case you aren’t on Twitter (seriously, why aren’t you on Twitter?!?) then you may not have heard the news that we are officially trying to have another baby.
First I thought it would be fun not to tell anybody and surprise everyone when I started to show, but two things complicated that plan:
- I need support and advice from my cyber-mommy-friends.
- I have a big ass mouth.
We originally planned to wait until this summer to start, but the more we though about it, we thought that was actually pretty bad timing. That would give us a baby late next spring, and that really wouldn’t work. Unlike most couples I know, we have to worry about both John and I being in school and trying to start our careers, so the children have to be timed perfectly to coincide with our full and complex schedules so we don’t get off track again.
With Julesy, we knew we wanted to have him in May so I could have a summer’s worth of maternity leave before school started again. It worked out perfectly. We conceived in August and he arrived May 16th.
This time, we thought we’d like to have another baby next May, however, I’ll be graduating in May, then hopefully will be spending my summer working in a law firm with my paralegal certificate, and then starting law school in the fall of ’11. When I really thought about it, I decided the worst thing I could think of would be to try to start a new job right after having a baby, and then starting law school with a 3 month old who will still probably be up nursing all hours of the night.
Hayell. No.
However — we know we want another baby. That part is easy. But we know we don’t want to have that baby while I’m in law school, or even during my first few years out when I’m trying to get my career going. And if we wait any longer than that, I’ll be in my 40’s, and Jonas will nearly be a teenager. We don’t want to start alllllll over again with the baby stuff in our 40’s, so really, if we want a third baby, it needs to happen by the end of this year.
We also desperately want this baby to be a girl. Of course (and this should really go without saying) we will love whatever baby we get. But seriously. Universe? PLEASE give us a girl. John and I aren’t the only ones who want a girl — Jonas has started asking for a sister. In fact, he has asked me for a sister nearly every day this week. When I said
“Hey Jonas, do you want Mommy & Daddy to have another baby?”
He says
“YES! I do want you to have a baby — You got to give me a sister!”
And I try to hide the smile when I say
“Jonas, are you sure you don’t want another brother?”
and he says
“No, Mommy! I already haaaave a brother! I need a sister now!”
I know, Jonas. You do. I totally agree.
So we’re trying the Shettles Method this time and seeing if we can time a sister for him. I think we could pull it off, but I really should have started charting my cycle a long time ago. A friend gave me her copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility:The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health
Now, onto the really important stuff: The Birth.
I will be having a homebirth this time, provided that everything works out with the provider I’ve chosen. I have a consultation scheduled with one of the few CNMs in Illinois who will take me on now that I have this damn cesarean scar that will haunt my reproductive health for the rest of my life. This midwife only takes on Secondary HBAC clients, meaning moms who’ve already had at least one successful VBAC (and that’s me! Yay!)
Hyphenated Husband and I are also planning on taking Hypnobirthing classes, and if anybody out there has a wonderful Hypnobirth story to tell me, pretty please, lay it on me.
So there it is. All the details I have so far. TFB is adding Number 3.
Holy shit. Here we go!
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And speaking of all this! Make sure you tune into my radio show this Sunday night at 10 pm Central time when I talk to Meagan Francis about her book on raising big families.
January 27th, 2010
Wordless Wednesday — Anniversary Style
Our Gorgeous “Spa Suite” at Trump Tower
The Bathroom Was So Tricked Out, It Had a TV in the Mirror
The Tub So Deep it Nearly Covered My Head — I Want to Give Birth in Here
A View Looking Down the Chicago River Toward Lake Michigan
Looking South on Wabash
The Hyphenated Husband Bathing in the Luxurious Pool
The $25 Bottles of WATER Available for Purchase in the Room
Sexy Hyphenated Husband Dressed for Dinner
A Non-Mom-Looking Me Dressed for Dinner
Yeah, I Got Drunk Before Dinner Arrived
January 5th, 2010
Introducing TFB’s Radio Show/Podcast
Well, I did it. I bit the bullet and signed up on Blog Talk Radio to host my very own weekly show. It’s something I’ve been daring myself to do for a long time, I just never felt like I had it in me until now. After mentioning it to my readers/fans/followers, and to the Hyphenated Husband, I got enough support and encouragement to feel like it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. I decided this would be a super cool way to interview some really interesting women and men, increase my readership, and further explore Feminist Mothering issues. Hyphenated Husband also offered to co-host once a month with me to talk about Feminist Fathering issues, which I think is a super, duper cool idea.
This Sunday, January 10th, at 10 pm CST my show sails its maiden voyage. This one will be an introduction to the show, a history of my blog, and some background on Yours Truly. Hyphenated Husband will also be joining me to help fill in some background on me, and introduce himself as the resident Feminist Father. Your assignment is to leave questions for me here that you’d like me to answer for you on the air this Sunday. The best part about the Blog Talk Radio service I’m using is that I can take callers, so please, feel free to call in and chat!
Hope to hear from you! Also, coming up January 17th is my show called “Breastfeeding Broads” and I’m looking for a feminist breastfeeding advocate or two to call in and talk to me about how breastfeeding is a feminist issue. Please let me know if you’re interested!
December 27th, 2009
Raising an Equality-Minded Male
To me, one of the first steps toward a more equal society is raising boys and girls free from gender stereotypes. Children should grow up believing their sex in no way limits, or even shapes, what they are capable of achieving. However, it is simply not enough for girls to be told they can be whatever they want unless we also raise boys to feel comfortable filling the roles the girls may vacate. The 3rd wave of feminism finds women with greater access to same education and job opportunities that traditionally were only offered to men, yet women are still largely expected to handle the bulk of the domestic chores. The 2nd wave of feminism envisioned a world where women were allowed to do it all. Today, I see a society where women are often forced to do it all because our men haven’t picked up the slack.
Knowing this, Hyphenated Husband and I felt it was important to raise our boys in an environment that exemplifies equality. Aside from hyphenating our names together to show solidarity and respect for each other’s individuality, my husband and I wanted our children to see of us each getting our educations, working inside or outside the home doing whatever fulfilled us, and handling the household chores or parenting tasks as a team.
We also felt that it was important to support and encourage our kids to express inter-gender play. Whereas some fathers would simply forbid their son playing with dolls, we find it a necessary step in any child’s development. The way we see it, if you raise a boy to believe that only girls play with baby dolls, then they are more likely to grow up believing that only women handle baby care. If only the women are responsible for caring for baby, then she is not an equal partner in that parenting relationship. I know too many fathers who would never be caught dead changing a diaper or giving their baby a bath because that’s considered “womens’ work.” Well, I think that’s “parents’ work” and anyone incapable or unwilling to change a diaper ought not to have had a baby. Imagine how harshly a woman would be judged if she hired someone to change every one of her baby’s diapers – would she be considered a “good” mother? Certainly not. Yet somehow, we tolerate this out of some men. But really, if we raise boys to believe that baby dolls are toys only girls should play with, what can you really expect?
Conversely, if a girl is raised to believe that only boys are allowed to handle tools or know about cars, then we are crippling our daughters’ sense of self esteem and independence. Women make up 51% of the car buying population, and make 80% of the car purchase decisions in a household, so how will she know what she’s buying if she’s always been told that girl’s don’t need to know a 4-cylinder from a 6-cylinder?
I have not yet been blessed with a daughter to pass on my feminist philosophy to, but I also believe that I may be doing the world and even bigger service by raising feminist sons. It’s one thing for women to want to be equal, to try to be equal, and to even feel equal, but it is yet another for the men in our lives to step up to the equality plate and allow us to be completely equal.
But maintaining equality in the home is an ongoing process. New obstacles arise, new situations present themselves, and as my boys grow, new stages of development require new approaches to teaching. We hope that we’re doing everything we can to present our sons with examples of equality, but I’m certainly open to hearing the ways that other families implement and maintain a humanist parenting approach.
So I ask, what are you doing in your house to raise an Equality-Minded Male?
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P.S. This post will appear on the TLC/Discovery Health series my family is filming, and some of your comments will be discussed on the show. Please comment generously!
