July 26th, 2010
So… Our Basement Flooded… Awesome.
Thank you, Global Warming, for raining down 190 billion gallons of water on the Chicagoland area, backing up all the sewer systems, and flooding our basement for the first time in decades.
Saturday we had a Yard Sale planned. So Friday we took all the stuff we DIDN’T want, and put it in the upstairs living room so we could haul it out early in the AM on Saturday morning. All the stuff we DID want – you know, like our furniture, the kids favorite toys, the expensive ceramic heater, etc – all stayed in the finished basement.
At 8:00 am, the Hyphenated Husband woke me up screaming “WE’VE GOT WATER! THE BASEMENT IS FLOODED!!!”
I run downstairs with nary an item of clothing on, with slept-in-contact lenses blurring my vision, just in time to catch my husband barreling past me with his arms full of our guitars. The next thing he grabbed were the amplifiers. Funny where our priorities are even four years after we stopped being musicians.
I couldn’t do anything but stand there in shock. All I could do was stare at the water and hold my hands over my mouth. Instead of looking at my basement floor, I’m looking at half a foot of watery sewage. I rushed to get clothes on, but instead I paced in circles because I couldn’t concentrate long enough to remember where I keep my underwear. Then I dialed my dad’s number and bawled while I asked him to come help us do something… anything.
As if the sewer water wasn't bad enough, that's also the litter box freely floating in that sludge water.
Not really knowing what else to do exactly, I posted a desperate message on Facebook. Then I cried a little. Then my husband held me and said it was all gonna be okay. Somehow I found some clothes and threw those on. Then we called the landlord.
The landlord tells us to get a pump to get the water out, and that his insurance won’t cover anything. We call State Farm to find out if our renter’s insurance covers anything, but it won’t cover floods either. Everything on that floor is gone forever, with no way to replace it. Our $1000 entertainment center that we just finished paying off is trashed. The couches are gone. Electronics are done for.
Notice the keyboard submerged in water. Yeah - that doesn't work anymore.
We called to get a pump but there were none available in the area. Everyone was having the same problem we were, so they put us on a wait-list for one. In the meantime, all we could do was wait, so we decided to run and look at some new apartments. Our lease is up in August anyway, and I took this as a sign from the universe that it is time to downsize. When we moved into this house three years ago I was making nearly $50,000 a year. I left that job last fall, and I do NOT make that kind of money any more. Financially speaking, living here is just stupid anyway.
By the time we came home from apartment shopping, the water was pumped out, but left was a layer of sewage and debris. Awesome. I started cleaning up that night, and then Sunday, while I held the Yard Sale, HH and my dad pulled everything out of the basement and threw it all away.
So now… I don’t know what. All we can do is recover. Our neighbors got four FEET of water, so I should be thanking my lucky stars that it didn’t turn out any worse for us. The timing on this is as terrible as it could possibly be, as I explained last week, but is there EVER really a good time for this? I’m trying not to whine. Trying to remember that Americans have lost everything, including their lives, in some recent floods, so by comparison we got off scott-free.
I also have the benefit of knowing some amazing Mama-owned businesses who bought up a little advertising on my blog to help us recover from this small disaster. Thank you to MamaPear Designs, THING-A-MA-SLING, and Support for Special Needs for jumping in and helping a mother out. If that isn’t a good enough reason to support their businesses, then I don’t know what is.
If you or your business need some advertising, now is the time. I’m putting all ad placements on sale this week, BOGOF. Buy 1 month get one month free OR buy 3 months get 3 months free! That’s an awesome deal. I’m very nice to the businesses who advertise on my blog, and advertising (right now especially) is a really nice thing to do for me. See how that works out well for everyone? 
Ughgh. Floods. YOU SUCK.
June 20th, 2010
For the Hyphenated Husband, on Father’s Day…
No matter how much he drives me crazy, or the awful times we’ve been through (of which there have been far too many), I know that I won the Husband Lottery. I’m demanding, and petulant, and short-tempered, and imperfect – yet no matter what I do, this man loves me. Unconditionally, and thoroughly, loves me. I know that now.
Recently our marriage turned a major corner. I rarely discuss the full details of my relationship out in the open, but this is a time in our lives that I’d like to revel in the moment – because it’s a good one. Finally.
See…when we were dating, we were the type of couple that I thought other couples were jealous of. We were madly in love, treated each other like the center of the universe, and knew from Minute One that we were destined to be together. However, becoming parents less than 2 years after we began dating took a real toll on our relationship. We went from being ridiculously happy to being ridiculously unhappy in a matter of a few short months. Neither of us was emotionally equipped to deal with the new responsibilities of parenthood. Our marriage began sailing south less than 6 weeks after my first son’s birth, and it circled the drain for years. Yes, there were moments of calm during the storm – it wasn’t awful all the time – but I was never really as happy as I had once been, and feared that I’d never be that happy again. The Hyphenated Husband always insisted we’d be “fine,” but with my nomadic upbringing, my first instinct was to cut our losses and both move on before another minute was wasted. When HH said “I do” he meant “forever, till death do us part, and all that jazz.” But when I said “I do,” I meant “For now, ya know, unless it gets hard, and then I’m probably outta here because I wasn’t raised to put up with any nonsense.”
Because of my Cut ‘N’ Run attitude, I’ve threatened to leave more times than anyone could count. Every time he annoyed me, I was shopping for apartments on Craigslist. Then, I’d get too lazy to think about moving out, and we’d just go right back to living in a mediocre marriage. I know that’s not the adult way to handle things – I never said I was an expert at staying married – that’s just the only way I know how to handle difficult situations. Get out, Gina. Move on. Start anew while you’re still young enough to make a new life elsewhere. This is how I was raised, and it’s a hard habit to shake.
Exhibit A: A friend asked me to write a guest post on her site 6 months ago about how I managed to marry a feminist male, and every time I sat down to write that post, I felt like such a hypocrite for trying to wax poetic about my rocky marriage that I never ended up writing a single paragraph for her.
Exhibit B: When we were first invited to be on the Discovery show, one of the main reasons I turned it down was because I didn’t want to have to pretend on national television that we were a perfectly happy family when I felt like anything but. I didn’t want to feel like a fraud.
But HH has never given up on us. Oh, there have been times that He’s been pretty mad at me. Really, really mad at me. Mad enough to say and do things that are hurtful and mean and hard to take back. But he’s always remained convinced that we’d find a way to make it work – somehow. I, however, took a lot more convincing. I’m stubborn and emotionally lazy like that.
Finally, after a particularly heinous week last month, I came the conclusion that this marriage might actually end if we didn’t turn things around by the end of summer. No matter how many times I threatened to leave over the past 4 years, it never occurred to me, until this one particular week, that there could actually be a divorce in our near future. I don’t know what made me finally come to this realization, but something felt different this time. I suppose it just got so bad that I knew things couldn’t last another minute the way they were. And ultimately, I think I finally recognized that I’ve never taken much responsibility for trying to fix the mess that our marriage had become. One particularly heinous week made me see that if nothing changed – if I changed nothing – our kids would be living in two different houses pretty soon.
So, we talked. And this talk was different than any talk we’d had before. It was different than the failed therapy sessions we tried two years ago. It was different than all the other times we promised we’d try harder, but never did.
This time, we both got the message – loud and clear. We both recognized that now is the time to save this marriage, not tomorrow, or the day after that. Today.
And just like that, things began to turn around. All of the sudden, I fell back in love with my husband. I see him differently now. I’m attracted to him again. We kiss now – a lot… something we hadn’t really done in years. I’m kinder, and more understanding of him. I don’t get annoyed as easily, and when I lose my temper now, I actually apologize instead of acting as though it was justified. And he sends me love notes during the day… making sure I know that he’s thinking of me even when we aren’t together. We’re both treating love as a verb, and it’s paying off.
It’s good. For the first time in four years my marriage is really, really good. So, on this Father’s Day, I want my husband to know how much I appreciate him being the husband and father that he is. His wife and his children are very lucky to have him.
We all love you, Daddy. We really do. And Thank You for Sticking it Out with Us.
May 3rd, 2010
My Birthday & The 500 Presents You Gave Me
Today is my 32nd birthday.
I don’t know how that happened. Yesterday I was 21, complaining about turning 22. Actually, at the ripe ol’ age of 21 and 3/4 I told my friends that I would NOT be turning 22, but instead I would be turning 21B, and then 21C, and then 21D – and so on – for the rest of my life. I had planned to stay some deviation of 21 years old until I finally expired. One of my best friends actually still refers to my birthdays in letters, instead of numbers.
I’m not sure why I wanted to stay 21 back then because, looking back, I certainly would not want to be that age again. I did do some pretty cool things at 21, though. I met Louise Post when she walked into a bar and asked me if I wanted to join Veruca Salt. Instead, I put that off for a year and I released my own band’s first record in the meantime. That was also the year a music magazine called me “One of the Best Voices in modern rock today.” At 21, I played some of the most fun shows of my career, with my most favorite bandmate. Okay, well, I guess it makes sense now why I wanted to stay that age.
But I’m happy to be a decade older. I certainly feel a decade wiser. As much as I thought, in my younger days, that music would always be my career, I grew tired of the instability, and I feel quite lucky to have I escaped that lifestyle. I’ve got grown-up career goals these days, with grown-up peers, and a grown-up partner. I’ve also tapped into a tribe of women that keep me informed, engaged, and connected to something bigger that me; bigger than all of us. I’ve found my niche, and it’s so much more powerful and valuable to me than whatever minor rock stardom I experienced as a kid of 21.
On Friday I asked my readers to give me one birthday present – a few minutes of their time to take a survey. Well, you responded, and you responded BIG. Over 503 of you (and counting) took that survey in the last three days. That humbles me. And it tickles me. And overall, it was exactly what I wanted for my birthday – so Thank You.
But the Hyphenated Husband took it a step further. He surprised me Friday with an embroidered polo shirt & hat sporting The Feminist Breeder logo. I was stunned, both by its sheer Awesome-Awesomeness, and also by the care he put into buying me something he knew I’d really get a kick out of. Overall, it is by far the most thoughtful and surprising gift he’s ever given me.
And that is worth turning a year older for.
April 26th, 2010
Here’s Where I’ll Be This Week
Okay, bear with me… this is a grueling week. I want desperately to post some things about kids and cultural identity, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m working on finals, trying to nail down a BlogHer10 Sponsorship, and planning for my 32nd Birthday Lack of A Celebration.
However, I have managed to fit a few things in, as follows:
I’m excited to say that I’ve been invited to be a Guest Blogger over at DrGreene.com all this week! Starting today, you’ll find me talking about my VBAC, sharing my tips on how to have a VBAC, ranting about “free” formula, and offering my (newly-updated-with-better-photos) famous Pop-Up Cloth Wipe Demo. Hang around that joint if you wanna see me talking about that stuff.
I’m continuing my new job as Chicago City Editor for SaavySource.com. This week I’ve written a feature on the Long Grove Chocolate Fest. And speaking of that, if you’re in Chicagoland, and you think that I should be featuring your venue/event/activity then you oughtta be dropping me a line (with a press pass, yo.)
AND! AND! Yesterday I posted a cute pic of the Hyphenated Husband wearing Julesy. That picture inspired my friend (@moshermama) to create a BabyWearing Dads website! You can go there to see or submit pictures of BabyWearing Dads! I love it! I’m moderating the site with her so I’m bound to see all the awesome photos you guys send in.
So dudes, that’s what I’m up to this week. How about you? Please tell me your life is as insanely busy as mine or the green eyed monster might rear her ugly head. Watch out!
And speaking of my birthday: how awesome would it be if we held the first ever #TwitterBirthday? Come on! It’s the final frontier! Don’t be surprised if you see me on Twitter trying to make that happen next Monday.….
April 15th, 2010
My VBAC Birth as Told by The Father (Video)
In honor of Cesarean Awareness Month, I’m sharing a video the Hyphenated Husband made of his view of Julesy’s birth story. He created this for a class project regarding a life-changing event, and I thought it was too beautiful not to share here.
Leave him some comments and let him what you think. Feel free to share this on (there are no privacy restrictions on it.)
Also, if you have any birth stories from fathers (or any birth partner), please share them in the comments section. It’s always interesting to see the birth partner’s point of view.
Enjoy.
