September 19th, 2008

Why Do Women Stay?

Message boards, especially the types that give a sense of community and friendship, are places where you can peer into the inner workings of people's lives.  People say things on a message board they wouldn't say to their closest friend.  People air their dirty laundry, complain about their husbands, give the intimate details of their grossest bodily functions, and generally provide full disclosure.

I learn a lot about myself through these posts, actually.  But, I don't complain about my husband on the boards because frankly anything I have to complain about is chicken scratch compared to the crap most of these husbands are putting their wives through.

Over the last year, there have been a few revelations of cheating husbands on a particular board I visit.  The intimate details of the affair, even the copy-and-paste text of the evidentiary emails have been posted for all to see.  But it's funny how when the writing is literally on the wall, so many women look past the torrid affairs, listen to the lies their husbands tell, make excuses for them, and ultimately end up staying.

A while back, one poster in particular came to tell us her husband was going out on dates with a woman.  Well, she didn't call it a "date." Husband just told his wife he was going to dinner and Salsa dancing with another woman, and when Wife asked to go with, she was told "No."  She wondered (?!?) if he might be cheating.

Most of us told her the man was dating.  But, he lied and said he wasn't.  So she believed him.  Fast forward a couple months, he admits he had innappropriate "emotions" for the woman, but says it never got physical.  Again, she believed him.  A couple of us told her to get tested for STD's, but she trusted that her husband had finally come clean.  We all want to believe, don't we?  Fast forward again, and she finds out through email that he did in fact have a physical affair.  Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire.  Of course, many of us saw that writing on the wall from Post #1.  But, she stayed.

Now there's another poor mom…. finds out through a mistakenly-left-open email that her husband is having/planning an affair with a mom in her playgroup.  A married mom.  She posts the torrid emails for all to see, and they make me physically ill.  I remember what it felt like to be cheated on by my first fiance.  It was a punch to the gut.  I am hurting for this woman.

But of course, Husband says nothing happened, and nothing was actually going to happen, even though all evidence points to the contrary.  It sounds exactly like those guys on Dateline who show up to the house with a box of condoms, and say they didn't plan on having sex with the 14 year old.  Um, yeah right Dude.  We're only one 'unfound' email away from learning that Husband and Playgroup Mom have been having sex all over this poor woman's house.  I want to go over and kick her husband in the balls.

But, she doesn't change the locks, or kick him out, or take the kids and leave.  She's hurt, but not planning to leave him.  She clearly has more self-control than I do.

So it has me thinking.  I'd leave John for far less than that.  Heck, anytime he screws some shit up I'm packing my bags and looking for apartments online.  Last week he used the wrong breastmilk (again, for the two-hundred-millionth time despite being told, and told, and told the RIGHT milk to use) and I was divorcing him again.  Of course, that's a knee-jerk reaction to me being over tired and feeling like I'm married to someone who's so incompetent that they can't even remember what milk to use while I'm working all day, sitting in class all night, baking cakes for extra money on the side, and having my life run by my stupid mammary glands.  Remember what effing milk to use is the LEAST he could do.  Jesus Effing Christ get it together, I cannot do EVERYTHING ASSHOLE!!!!!

Haa haaa… see, I'm still mad about that.  And that was only milk!  Could you imagine how I'd handle something as serious as an affair?!??!  Oh my god.  I'd divorce him 10 times if I could.

So I just have to wonder, what would make a woman stay?  Why do women put blinders on and believe the lies, lies, lies their cheating husbands tell?  I mean, I know how convincing they can be.  Men take some sort of course in denial that makes them geniuses at it.  My first fiance tried to convince me "it wasn't me" when I had his affair on VIDEOTAPE (idiot taped it right onto a tape that also had my band's show on it.)  Holy lord, you should have heard the shit he spun to try to make me believe that somehow, someway, my eyes were fooling me and my brain was inventing things.  He'd have me suspend all reality to try to convince me that what was on videotape wasn't true.

And that's what these husbands do with the emails.  No matter what is written, they spin it so that it can be interpreted like they did nothing wrong.  But if total strangers on a message board can look at those emails and see that Husband is lying his cheating ass off to you, why can't the women who know them best?

I guess love makes us do silly things.  And I guess that means I don't love John enough to believe any crap he might try to sell me.

BUT, I don't believe for a second that John would ever cheat on me.  He's not that stupid.  And he's got some weird love for me that makes him think I'm even more attractive now that my body is all baby-saggy.  He still loves me even when I'm screaming that he's an "effing retarded idiot" because he can't remember to wash the junk out of the milk storage bottles before giving them to me (because, again, I can't freaking do everything.)  This family is his entire existence and he'd never risk losing us for a cheap piece of ass.  I don't even know how he could possibly have an affair when he never goes anywhere without us.  We don't have lives outside of our family.  We're always together.  We've always been attached at the hip, and that's how we both prefer it (he moreso than I to be perfectly honest.)

But lemme tell you something… if that ever changed… if he ever looked elsewhere…. If I was ever in a position where I found a torrid email on our shared computer, I'd have him kicked out before I hit "Post" on the message board.

But that's just me.

July 29th, 2008

Night #4 of moving Jules out.

Nights #1, 2, and 3 all went swimmingly.  Jules slept in his bassinettl, in the office, all the way through each night.  He stirred a little around 3-4 am each night, but I gave him his “bink” and made sure he was still tightly swaddled and with that he stayed asleep until 5-6 am each morning.  Every night, he goes a little longer and longer.  We’re putting him down just a tad earlier every night too… We’ve gotten him down closer to 9:30 pm lately, so he’s sleeping a solid 8 hours now.

Let’s see…. let me name all the things a girl can do with herself when her babies are sleeping soundly at a decent hour.

#1 – Write blogs..obviously.

#2 - Go to sleep early (but she won’t.)

#3 – Trim the Red Bajingo Warmer she’d previously been knitting for the last 11 weeks so as not to frighten small children and the elderly at the pool anymore.

#4 – Shower, for the first time in two days.

#5 – Window shop apartments that might be nice to live in when she finally has the courage just to get it over with and be a single mom.

#6 – Bake cookies…. because, even though she wants to be skinny in case she is ever a single mother, she knows that he’s counting on the fact that she’ll probably never have the courage or energy to make the leap, and cookies are just plain comforting when she’s lonely and numb.

#7 – Think about all the people she’s mad at because they didn’t bother to RSVP to her son’s 2nd birthday party, which she’s decided to cancel anyway because not enough people RSVP’d to make it worth it.

#8 – Miss her kids almost enough to wake them up from their beautiful slumber and drag them into bed with her.

June 10th, 2008

Afraid I’ll Never Have Sex Again…

Okay, I'm not actually afraid – I don't think I want to.  Ever.  Ever.  EVER again.  Somebody brought up birth control today and all I could think was "here's my birth control – there is no fucking way he's ever putting that thing in me again!!!"  I am totally traumatized.

I can't even bring myself to look or touch that area.  From what I can tell it feels like raw meat stitched together with piano strings.

John's seen it, and he says it looks exactly the same as it always did, and while that may be the case, I can't imagine it ever feeling the same.

I'm convinced that my cervix/uterus (along with most of my internal organs) are hanging right out of there.  I dunno… maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I hadn't torn wide open.  And for the record I TOTALLY blame the tearing on that retarded ass position they had me in.  While I was laying there, I kept trying to tell the staff that I did NOT want them holding my damn legs behind my head, but I couldn't catch my breath long enough to say anything.

Anyway…. I lost most of my whorish sex drive after Jonas came… I'm not even sure how we got knocked up the second time to be honest.  But this time it's worse.  I think I'd really be okay with never having sex again for as long as I live.  I'm just done with it.  We have two babies… no need to mate any more.  I'd probably be okay with John employing those services elsewhere, so long as he came home afterwards and helped me with his kids.

Hmmpphh.

June 3rd, 2008

Oh shit… They still MAKE you?!?!

So, I'm sitting here reading my June issue of American Baby, and in honor of Father's Day, they write the obligatory story about dads.  This month: "Help! How Do I Get Dad More Involved?"

Okay, backup.  There are dads out there who aren't involved already?!?!  I mean, I guess I knew these types of useless men existed at some point in time, but in the year 2008?  Really?  I thought dads who wouldn't change diapers had gone the way of the BetaMax in the 1980's.  Or I at least thought that women who put up with that crap were long extinct.

But, I have read about these cavemen on various message boards.  Women cry out for help because their husbands won't help with the kids.  Dad is always too caught up playing Wii or watching some sports program on TV.  I guess I just can't imagine having that sort of problem.  On a typical night John comes home from work, makes dinner (or does some other chore if I'm making dinner,) then gives Jonas a bath and puts him to bed.  I don't have to ask.  Why would I?  It's his kid too.  He's not doing me any favors by raising his child.  It's his job, hello?.  He helped make them after all.  Everything in our house is 50/50.

But when I read about these other men, several different things run through my mind:

• Um, Why do you put up with him? I'd rather be single.
• Wow, I won the freaking husband lottery – I should really give him more blowjobs
• Am I a bad wife for letting my husband help out so much?  Maybe we're weird?

I mean, I knew I had it good.  The man hyphenated his last name for me, after all.  But why is it so normal, and so accepted, for dads to be bystanders in their kids' lives?  I'm guessing these men don't clean the house or make dinner either.  I guess they married themselves a wife/maid/nanny.

All I know is I wouldn't put up with that nonsense for one short second.  Of course, I wouldn't have married/bred with John if he were one of those Wii-playing, Sports-watching, Won't-change-a-diaper types either.  Ick!

Perhaps I should go the extra mile for Father's Day this year.  John really is a dream partner.

May 12th, 2008

A BabyMoon of Sorts……..

Jonas is off spending a few fun-filled days at Aunt Ruby’s house, so John and I are allllllllll alone in our house.  We can do cuh-razy things like go out to dinner without a diaper bag, stay out past 8 pm, and go to the movies (oh my!) — All things that are not easily accomplished with a toddler in the house.

Speaking of The Jonas, it looks like his weird bedtime fiasco last Tuesday was a fluke.  He’s gone to bed every night since then without any issues.  I guess it was really just an off day for him.  I found out after-the-fact that he didn’t get a nap that day, which can throw any child into total meltdown mode.  Naps are the blissful oasis to a toddler’s hectic day.  Skip a nap, and you may as well have starved them for a week.  It can get very ugly, very fast.

So, what are the big plans for the Monkey-less week?

• Spend my Olive Garden gift card that Grama C sent for my birthday.
• Go see Baby Mama (or something equally as mindless.)
• Enjoy the calm before the newborn-baby-storm.
• Practice some natural methods of induction with the Huz (if ya know what I mean… he he he.)

And Thursday is my last day of work before Maternity Leave………  I have mixed feelings about it.  On one hand, who doesn’t want to have time off work?!?!  On the other hand, once I’m home, the only thing I can do is sit around on my thumbs waiting to have this baby.  I feel like a watched pot that refuses to boil.

I’m trying to enjoy every last newborn-less moment though before my whole world changes (again.)  I’m excited to meet Jules, but the sheer remembrance of newborn days is overwhelmingly exhausting.  I’m sleepy just thinking about it.

That is all.