May 25th, 2007

Wanting To Do It All Over Again.

All the Firsts are gone. All the big moments are gone.  I don’t even remember them that well.  Everyone is getting engaged.  Everyone is getting married.  Everyone is having their first baby.  Everyone is buying their first house.

I want to get engaged.  I want to get married.  I want to buy my first home. I want a first-baby shower.

Oh. wait.  I already did all those things.  But everything afterwards seems so completely anti-climactic.  I’m so pissed that all those things have come and gone and I’ll never again feel the intoxicating joy of getting engaged.  I’ll never have that huge wedding I dreamed of.  Nobody will care if we buy another house.  And second babies are old news.

Does everybody feel this way?  Does everyone who gets what they want feel totally empty afterward?  When other people get exactly what they want, do they feel as completely unfulfilled as I do?

Or am I just a selfish brat?  Probably.  Still doesn’t change the painful emptiness I feel every moment of the day.  Is this the Feminine Mystique?  Who cares.

Maybe everything feels so empty because none of those huge life events happened to me the way I had always imagined.  There was no big proposal.  There was no big wedding.  We made a horrible, horrible decision buying this condo.  And I didn’t mean to get pregnant.  Nothing happened the way I dreamed it would.  It was all so disappointing.  But then again, I am easily dissappointed.

I hear you saying "Count your blessings, Gina"…. whatever.  YOU count them.  I’m busy feeling sorry for myself.

March 22nd, 2006

There’s Something About Married Men.

The minute a man gets married, he immediately becomes more attractive to women around him.  And if he’s happily married, and constantly talks about how much he loves his wife and can’t wait to be a father, any woman within earshot of this phenomena is ready to drop trou and climb on top of him.  Women are desperate like that.  These women don’t think "I need a man like that", they think "I need him."  (I borrowed that last part from Chris Rock because he stated it so eloquently).

I bring this up because John told me how sweet all the girls at work think he is because he talks about me and the baby all the time.  And because he has alot of 22 yr. old girls in his friends list (who he knows in real life) that are clearly awe-struck by him, and are probably secretly thinking that if they hang around long enough, they’ll get their hands on him.

I know how women think.  Again, women are desperate like that.  This reason alone is the why we don’t run the country.

Having said all that, I also know that John would never, in a million-billion years stray from me.  I trust him far more than I trust anybody in this whole world.  However, I know exactly what those girls are thinking.  I imagine that every time he talks about how much he loves me and how much he loves our fetus, the women around him just melt. I have mixed feelings about this.  Partly it makes me laugh, and partly it makes me kinda sick.

Maybe I’m just jealous.  Not of those girls, but of the fact that guys don’t swoon over me when they find out I’m married and pregnant.  I’m far less attractive to the opposite sex these days.  Somehow, John has become more attractive.

Pretty much from now on, I’m only going to be less attractive, and John will only be more so.  By the time he’s in his 40′s and driving a BMW, he’ll have to fight off the 22 yr. old girls with a stick.  Meanwhile, young boys will be calling me "Ma’am" and looking at me like I’m week-old bread.

Does the injustice of the world ever take a day off?

***end yet another excerpt from my unpublished (and unwritten) book about the world’s tireless efforts to feed sexism and ensure the domination of man over woman, tentatively titled "Now Ain’t That Some Shit!"

January 23rd, 2006

I’m married.

How Cool!

I can’t believe how beautiful the wedding turned out. John looked so handsome in his tux. I have no idea how I looked in my dress; there was no mirror where I got dressed so I never got to see myself until wayyyy later in the evening and only in the bathroom mirror.

I’m so relieved that it’s over. Now we can just concentrate on the baby. I honestly feel A LOT better about being pregnant now that I’m married. It was embarrassing to be at the doctor and have to refer to John as my "fiance". It makes it seem like we’re only getting married cause I got knocked up, which is obviously not the case. We got engaged 5 months before I got pregnant. But now there’s no explaining to do. He’s my husband and that’s that.

Up Next: Double Door, job hunting, applying for university, baby shower, and shopping for maternity clothes. Bring. It. On.

I have to say a collective THANK YOU to everyone who was involved with and helped with the wedding. I know I’m a bossy-Type-A Personality-bitch, but you guys really came through for me. I got a million compliments (including one from a highly eductated corporate event planner) about how beautiful the room was. I had a vision, and you guys really helped me pull it off. Thanks to all of you, my wedding looked alot classier than your average, knocked-up, unwed rocker’s normally would. So Kudos to everyone involved.

And Thanks to everyone who drove 2 hours in dumb weather just to see me and John tie the knot. Your attendance was heartwarming and greatly appreciated.

ta-ta…… Mrs. Gina Crosley-Corcoran

November 29th, 2005

With a couple of kids running in the yard……

We’re not waiting until September to get married. The new wedding date is January 21st. Invitations will go out in a few weeks, so please save the date.

gina out.

November 2nd, 2005

I Love Apples.

Because John is the greatest man on earth, I am the proud owner of a BRAND-FUCKING-NEW-AWESOMELY-SPECTACULARLY-AMAZING IBook! It’s the little 12" and I am IN LOVE with it. I’ve never had something so cool…. oh, wait, except for the state-of-the-art-brand-new-hp-media-center he bought me just last summer. My baby keeps me in the latest technology.

He also got himself one of those new IPod Nano’s and it’s SWEET! It’s so little bitty and awesome!

Yeah, I’m too excited to construct sentences, so I’m just gonna go play with my new toy and kiss my fiance.

Gina.