Okay, I'm not actually afraid – I don't think I want to.  Ever.  Ever.  EVER again.  Somebody brought up birth control today and all I could think was "here's my birth control – there is no fucking way he's ever putting that thing in me again!!!"  I am totally traumatized. I can't even bring myself to look or touch that...

Have you ever been standing outside your car in the seemingly deserted Jewel parking lot at 9:30 at night, with your hand shoved a good 5 feet up your ass crack, scratch-scratch-scratching away because the Jumbo-Normous maxi pad you've been forced to wear for the last 3 and a half weeks has given you something akin to an itchy diaper...

Here I begin my journey into posting my thoughts in the open market.  I’ve been blogging on Myspace for 3 years, but they have been private so no one but my privileged friends can read them.  There they have been safely tucked away from the prying eyes of the public, future employers, and the Nobel Peace Prize committee. The secrecy...

Today, after learning yet ANOTHER person I know is pregnant, I have decided that the number of pregnancies that have occurred in the last year is far from coincidence. I have hardly ever known a pregnant woman in my life, let alone two pregnant women at once. Currently, I know at least 7 pregnant women, no, make that 9, not...

That is one less government building that I need to blow up. To my surprise and delight, this morning I got a phone call from a very nice man at the Lost & Stolen Passport Center who helped me with my passport situation. He told me that everyone else I’d spoken to had totally misinformed me, and he called the...

It appears that I will NOT be going to Paris this weekend, as we had planned for the last 5 months. I have not received my passport and according to the National Passport Agency dickhead, it doesn’t look like I’m going to. See, I had a passport and I lost it. So, when I applied for the new one I...

Cramps fucking suck.  THEY SUCK!  I think I have PMDD (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.) I have tons of homework and midterms to study for, but all I wanna do is lay in the bottom of the shower and cry.  When they’re this bad, I fantasize about cutting out my uterus.  After all, when the dentist pulls a tooth, the tooth doesn’t...