The Unbearable Lightness of Being (a Toddler)


A few weeks ago, I saw this flow chart called “How to Tell if Your Toddler is Mad.” The punchline was essentially that there was only one question and one answer. Is your toddler awake? Then congratulations, your toddler is mad. WHAT is with this age? It’s happened to all of my little lover monkeys. They start out as these...

I LOVE Being a Redhead. I HATE Being a Redhead.

That's my hair. Every last strand. No dye. No photoshop.

I am a redhead. A real, 100% all natural, not from a bottle, Hair-On-Fire Redhead. This fact has caused me an incredibly confusing mix of both pain and pride beginning with my earliest memories. Kids picked on my red hair like crazy in school. They called me “fire crotch” and “carrot top” and told me they should “beat” me “like...

Get Off My Internets: My New Favorite Place on the Web


Every once in awhile, I spend a few minutes at 1:30 am googling myself because I’m a self-obsessed narcissist who’s madly in love with the sight of my own name. (Or, so the story goes. It could also be a smart business move to keep tabs on what my potential employers may be reading about me, but hey, we all...

This One’s For You, “Dr.” Amy

Haa haa haa... "Dr." Amy. That's a good one.

Oh “Dr.” Amy, Let us have a few words. I know how you pounce to your computer every morning and hit refresh on my web address all day long in anticipation of my latest post. I know you pour my words all over your naked body and writhe around in them until you dream up some way, any way, no...

Elf on the Shelf is Turning You into an A-Hole on the Internet


Tonight I was scrolling through my Twitter feed as part of my nightly attempt to avoid sleep, when I came across this tweet: I’ve been suffering from a terribly sore throat lately, but if I hadn’t been, I would have laughed at that tweet until I punctured a kidney. Laura’s comment perfectly captures the Elf Hysteria that I’ve noticed brewing...

Anatomy of a Very Public Illness.


It’s been about 4(?) maybe 5(?) weeks since I first came down with The Cough That Would Never-Ever-Ever Quit. I’m finally on the mend, but my time under the weather taught me an important life lesson, which is this: Don’t Ever. Ever. Ever tell the internet that you’re sick. I mean it. DON’T. I have no idea why I discuss...

Bill Burr Had This Election Figured Out 4 Years Ago…


Huh. It all makes so much sense now, doesn’t it? P.S. Sorry Republicans. P.P.S. Find the full video here:


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