February 26th, 2010

Choices and Decisions: I Need a Sign

I have a lot to think about right now.  For the last 2 years, I’ve been planning to do a summer study-abroad program in Rome.  I was all set to submit my deposit last fall when I was unexpectedly nominated for a Harry S. Truman Scholarship.  Unfortunately, the scholarship and my international studies would conflict.  To accept the Truman award, I would be required to attend the Scholars week — no getting out of it — which occurs the first week I would have started class in Rome.

After much discussion, I decided I would rather try to win the $30,000 award.  That would be the prudent thing to do.  Rome could wait.

Since I would have the summer off now, Hyphenated Husband and I discussed, instead, signing me up for the Childbirth Educator Certification course that I’ve been wanting do take for the last year.  That was my consolation prize for not getting to take the Rome trip that I’ve been desperately wanting to take.

However, on Tuesday I learned that I was not selected for the Truman award.  Well — at least not yet.  The nominating professor at my school believed 100% in my application, and when I wasn’t selected as a finalist, he wrote me to tell me that he was appealing the decision.  Apparently the Truman foundation allows schools to make appeals on behalf of their candidates, and he said I was the strongest applicant he had ever seen in all the time he had been the nominating professor, so he wanted to go to bat for me.  There is still a slim shot I could be selected for an interview in the next week, but I’m just cutting my losses on that one and mentally moving on.

Of course, it sucked, hard core, not to get picked for that award.  I’ve won almost every scholarship I’ve ever applied for, and I worked for months on the Truman application.  I truly felt that my application was top-notch, and obviously, so did my school.  But even though the rejection hurt, it did make me feel a million times better that my professor thought enough of me to appeal the decision.  At least I know I wasn’t crazy for applying, even if Truman didn’t like me.  The amount of work I put into that application taught me a lot about myself anyway.  It gave me a clear vision of exactly what I want to do with my life, and what I have to do to get there.

But now that I know I didn’t win a Truman award, which means I don’t have to attend the Scholar’s week, there’s nothing stopping me from going to Rome.  Well — except that last weekend we decided to spend money on getting my Childbirth Educator Certification courses this summer.

So now I don’t know what to do.  Each decision will (in the short term) cost me the same amount of money.

• If I put down the deposit for Rome, I can’t pay to get my CCE.
• If I pay for my CCE courses, I won’t have the time or money to go to Rome.
• I’ve wanted both for years.
• Rome is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (I’ll be graduating next year.)
• But my CCE could help me bring in some income — right?
• But Rome is going to be really, reallllllly expensive.
• But getting my CCE will be a lot of work.

Can you see where I’m going with this?  I don’t know what to do. I’ve got about 5 more days to decide because the deadline for Rome is next week.  I believe a lot in signs, and I think I really need a sign to tell me what the right choice is.  Yesterday my friend, who lives in Italy, who I only talk to once every few years, posted something on Facebook asking me if I was coming to Rome this summer.  Then, this morning, I got a call from the International Studies office asking me the same question.

Part of me feels like those are signs that I should quickly get my deposit over to the office and go ahead with my Rome plans as intended.

But I don’t know.  It would be so much easier just to stay home and get my CCE, and I could potentially make money with that.  Rome wouldn’t make me any money.

But maybe getting my CCE won’t make me any money either.  It seems like most of the childbirth educators I know say they can’t get enough students to make any decent cash.

Okay, internet peoples — it’s your turn to grapple with this. What would you do if you were me?  Will Rome be better?  Will getting my CCE be better?  If you have experience taking either path, please let me know what you think.

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UPDATE:  Well, the overwhelmingly Pro-Rome response here made it clear to me how I really feel about this.  I want badly to do both, but that’s just not possible.  I think I actually want to get my CCE (or CBE, which ever you call it) worse than going to Rome right at this moment, but I also know that I have all the time in the world to do that, but I don’t have all the time in the world to take advantage of an undergrad program in Rome.  Although, one rockin’ lawyer birth junkie did point out to me that I can study abroad when I’m in law school, so this certainly isn’t my last chance to do this.  But I’ve been planning for two years to do this program, and it fulfills some core requirements that I need anyway.  If I don’t take these classes in Rome, I’ll just need to take them here — in boring ol’ Chicago.

So here’s what I’m going to do:  I’m going to the International Studies office on Monday and putting down my deposit.  Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going — I have to make sure I can get the financial aid first (which, in all honesty, seems like a long shot.)  If I don’t get that, then my decision is made for me (which would be a relief.)  If I do get it, then the universe wants me in Rome this June.  Then, I’m going to apply for the ICEA scholarship that the lovely Dou-la-la mentioned below, and if that works out, then that was meant to be.  If it doesn’t, I’ll just have to save up for my CBE (or CCE) some other way.

Thank you to everyone for your honest opinions and your guidance. I really truly appreciate it.  I know we don’t “know” each other, but I respect other people’s perspectives.  It helps me gauge how I really feel about something.

January 28th, 2010

TFB Covering the NIH VBAC Conference

In March, I will be attending the NIH Consensus Development Conference on Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) in Bethesda, Maryland. The goal of this conference is to examine the reasons that VBAC rates are declining while cesarean rates in the U.S. are consistently rising. The website states that the conference will address the following key questions:

• What are the rates and patterns of utilization of trial of labor after prior cesarean, vaginal birth after cesarean, and repeat cesarean delivery in the United States?
  
• Among women who attempt a trial of labor after prior cesarean, what is the vaginal delivery rate and the factors that influence it?
  
• What are the short– and long-term benefits and harms to the mother of attempting trial of labor after prior cesarean versus elective repeat cesarean delivery, and what factors influence benefits and harms?
  
• What are the short– and long-term benefits and harms to the baby of maternal attempt at trial of labor after prior cesarean versus elective repeat cesarean delivery, and what factors influence benefits and harms?
  
• What are the nonmedical factors that influence the patterns and utilization of trial of labor after prior cesarean?
  
• What are the critical gaps in the evidence for decision-making, and what are the priority investigations needed to address these gaps?

Of course, all of this is very interesting to me as a VBACtivist, and as a pre-law student interested in Health Law & Policy. This subject, and this one-of-a-kind conference, deserves to be covered thoroughly. Therefore, during my visit to this conference, I will not only be blogging the event, but I will also be broadcasting my radio show live on each of the 3 days with special guest speakers who work in the field of reproductive health advocacy. So far I’m honored to have representatives from Lamaze International, The Big Push for Midwives, and the International Cesarean Awareness Network coming on my show. If your organization is interested in having a representative speak with me, please write me at gina(at)thefeministbreeder(dot)com and let me know what you’d like to add.

Stay tuned for more details as I get my agenda worked out.

January 4th, 2010

2010: The Year of Gina?

For the past few weeks, I’ve had this feeling that 2010 is really going to be my year. I have quite a few exciting things already lined up for the next 6 months, and if I happen to win The-Lottery-of-Things-Working-Out-Perfectly, this really will be a banner year. Of course, there is no guarantee that I will win the Life Lottery, and there is no guarantee that any of the long shots I have lined up will fall into place. So I’m straddling the fence between two different trains of thought.

On one hand, I’m trying with all my might to will good fortune into existence. I want this TLC/Discovery Health show to make my family look good, and bring traffic to my blog so I can continue to spread my birthy/feministy gospel. I admit, I’d love to make a few bucks in advertising to offset the cost of running this blog too. I also want to win this Truman Scholarship (or at least make it to the final round – that in itself is a huge accomplishment.) And finally, I want desperately to find a way to make this Rome trip happen (in case you’re just tuning in, I’m trying to study abroad in Rome for five weeks this summer, bringing my family along for at least half of the trip.)

On the other hand, I’m trying to find a way to be happy if nothing at all works out. I tend to place too much of my mood/happiness on circumstance, rather than on a simple state of being. I’ve always been like that. I’m a pessimist. It’s who I am. I’m not sure if that will change at the ripe ol’ age of 31, but I’m working on it.

But seriously, if I look good on national television, win a Truman scholarship, and go to Rome – all in the same year – life will be really freaking sweet. Unbelievably sweet. Actually, it all sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? That seems like entirely too many awesome things to happen to me in one lifetime, let alone one single year.

The TLC/Discovery Health show is out of my hands now.  I did what I could, now it’s up to the producers to make sure our hard work is edited in a way that makes everyone look smart/fabulous/interesting. I did all I could to put my best foot forward for this Truman Scholarship, and it’s up to the foundation now to decide whether or not I’m worthy.  But the Rome trip is something I haven’t yet worked out completely. I still have to find a way to pay for it, which seems wholly impossible right now. If anyone knows of any study abroad fellowships/scholarships, please, point me in that direction.

And right now I’m going to work on being happy no matter what happens. This year, happiness may finally include a pharmaceutical solution because I feel like I’ve tried hard to overcome my depressive issues by myself, and it’s not exactly working.  That’s a hard one to admit, and I haven’t yet fully committed to the idea, but I’m trying to open myself up to it.

Finally – it seems appropriate to list my New Year’s Resolutions as part of this post, so here they are.

1. Work on My Marriage – meaning, start trying as hard as my husband tries. He, and the children, deserve that.
2. Maintain my 4.0 GPA
3. Branch Out – meaning, start a podcast** or vlog, and get feminist mothering guest bloggers to write posts here
4. BE HAPPY!!!!

**FYI, if I start a podcast, I want guest speakers every week.  If you’d like to be one, pretty please tell me in the comments section (or email me).  Also, please let me know if you’d even be interested in seeing/hearing me do a podcast.  I only want to venture into it if my readers are interested. Otherwise, really, there is no point.

Happy 2010! May the next 365 be a banner year for us all!

October 7th, 2009

The Big, Hairy Vaccination Post and My Visit to GlaxoSmithKline

In case you’re just tuning in, GlaxoSmithKline invited TFB and some other (what they call) “Social Media Influencers” to their vaccination production facility in Marietta PA last week.  They took care of our flights, meals, and hotel, and treated us with mucho respect as they gave us insight into their business.  I know you’re wondering why they would do this, and that’s a valid question.  I can imagine some people equating this to the “Nestle Family” blogger scandal, but the two are nothing alike and I’ll tell you why.  We all went because it was educational, because it was a good opportunity to see some other bloggers and see how they felt about this issue, and because the general public never gets invited into these buildings so it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.  They were not giving us free goodie bags filled with their products, and they are not splashing us around their advertising in an effort to use our brand to promote their brand — unlike the Nestle Corporation.  I owe GlaxoSmithKline nothing for this trip — not even a nice review.

So why were we invited then?  As I understand it, pharmaceutical companies are intensely regulated about what they can say to consumers, whereas the people who tend to argue against vaccinations are hardly regulated at all.  Because of this, GSK wanted to bring in a few consumers (who happen to have a voice) to share the way GSK feels about the vaccination debate (in the most benign, can’t-get-sued way.).  That’s my assessment of the situation.  Their lawyers had their lips locked pretty tight, too. They would not allow them to mention the name of any product they make (so we had to deduce) and we were not allowed to take any pictures on the property (fair enough.)

They hosted us for a little over 4 hours, the first 2 hours being a presentation about the benefits of vaccinations.  In this presentation, we were given information about how vaccinations are developed, manufactured, tested, and finally released to the public.  We were also shown some graphic images of the effects of various diseases, and given statistics about the rates at which these diseases had been eradicated since the introduction of the vaccination.  For example: in what they call the “Pre-Vaccination Era” there were an estimated 16,316 cases of Polio annually*.  Since the introduction of vaccinations, 0 cases.  I think we can all agree that’s a huge step forward for humanity, and given those kind of statistics it’s not hard to see why the employees of GSK are so proud of the vaccinations they develop and distribute. 

But having said that, I couldn’t let those statistics go without asking some tough questions.  I asked them if they had any data on hand to show the number of cases of Autism in the Pre-Vaccination Era vs. Today.  They did not.  I also asked them what they could tell me about Thimerosal and why it was still being used in some vaccinations given what some science suggests about it.  They said that the manufacturers have removed Thimerosal from most vaccinations, but not because they believed any of the science that suggests it’s harmful.  They say they removed it because of the public concern, and they’d rather not have people avoiding their vaccinations just because they think there’s something harmful in them.  I don’t necessarily believe that, but it sounds like a fair enough answer. I also wanted to know what they thought of the health care professionals who are publicly condemning the new H1N1 shot, but GSK claimed no knowledge of such incidents. To be fair, I do think they were bound by legalities that prevented them from discussing the issue with me further. 

The second 2 hours of the visit was the tour of the facility itself.  If you’ve ever watch that show “How It’s Made” you’d think was pretty cool.  To enter the packaging room, we had to dress head to toe in clean room clothes (<—we looked something like that) and it was quite amusing. This was the part where we were really bummed that we couldn’t take pictures of ourselves dressed in this garb.  After watching the dozens of steps these little vials go through before they can be shipped, I can honestly say that GSK takes quality control with the utmost seriousness.  They said over and over, public safety is their highest concern.  I was actually very refreshing to see a team of people (scientists/pediatricians/professionals) taking such pride in their product, and showing such great concerned about the people who will ultimately be receiving these drugs.

That was the gist of those 4 hours, so let’s talk now about how I feel about the vaccination debate itself.

I rarely, if ever, bring up the topic of vaccinations on my blog.  For starters, I don’t have much fiery passion about the them, and secondly, I’m just not as educated about debate as I am other debates.  I can point you toward absolute science that proves unnecessary cesareans are dangerous, and that breastfeeding is the best way to feed baby.  I don’t think there’s much to argue about there (although the uneducated masses sure find ways to). 

But when it comes to vaccinations, there is a lot of science, and a lot of questions, and a lot of smart people cannot agree at all on which side to listen to.  So many health professionals disagree with which vaccinations are truly necessary, and which may have adverse effects on a certain population.  I can see both sides of the issue.  I understand why we should vaccinate, and I understand why some people refuse to.  Given that there is some room for debate in this area, I don’t feel comfortable making a judgment call on it.  I do what I do and hope for the best.

I, personally, do believe that vaccinations have saved many lives and have completely eradicated some horrifying illnesses.  I think even the most hardcore anti-vax’er would agree with that.  And yes, it does scare me when I see an epidemic of people not vaccinating because I do think it is a public health issue.  Some other family’s decision can have a direct impact on my family, and that’s concerning, to say the least.  I will unabashedly say that I was quite upset 2 years ago when I was f
reshly pregnant with my second son, and there was a chicken pox outbreak at my first son’s daycare.  Jonas had been vaccinated so I wasn’t worried about him coming down with it, but I WAS worried about him carrying it home.  I never had chicken pox, and if I was infected that could have proved lethal for my unborn child.  I was a hysterical mess trying to figure out what I could do to keep from catching it and keep my fetus safe.  As it turned out, one of those millions of tests the doctor runs on you when you first show up pregnant is to test to see if you have immunity to the Varicella virus (because it is such a huge problem for pregnant women), and luckily the test showed I was safe.  I must have been exposed at some point in my life without knowing and developed an immunity.  My family tells the story of how I had chicken pox in my throat (but nowhere else) when I was a baby, but I never really believed it. However, the fact that I even had to worry about this potentially hurting my child made me very angry.  People think of Chicken pox as being such a harmless little external rash, but it’s not so harmless if it severely cripples or kills an unborn child.

Having said all of that, I do not think that the lives saved are a free pass for pharmaceutical companies to do whatever they want.  When I spoke with a friend about this (who has an Autistic son and therefore no longer vaccinates her children) she brought up a very good point.  Pediatric health experts advise us to give only breastmilk and no other substance to a child less than 6 months of age.  Furthermore, when we do introduce the pees and carrots, we are instructed to introduce one at a time for fear that there could be some life-threatening allergic reaction, and we need to know exactly which one caused it.  Yet at the same time, some of the same experts advise pumping dozens of vaccinations (consisting of formaldehyde, egg protien, Thimerosal, monkey kidney tissue, and a myriad of other ingredients) into babies just an hour/a week/a month old?  That seems counter-intuitive to me.  But I’m no microbiologist.  Most of us aren’t.  Of course, that’s never prevented me from looking at evidence based information and making my own decision about something.  I just wish the experts could get on the same page so we don’t all have to do their job for them.

From what I can gather about the debate, it’s not that anti-vax community loves Polio and want their children to have it.  I’m pretty sure they realize what a devastating illness that is.  I think that the main issue anti-vax’ers (or even just skeptical vax’ers) have is with the number of vaccinations, the timing of them, and the ingredients of them.  If we can protect ourselves from plagues SAFELY — without causing autism, and without any adverse side effects — then we all win.… right? 

I dunno, you tell me.

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I’m asking you all to pretty-please be respectful in your commenting, and don’t rag on me because I may or may not think any one thing about vaccinations.  I’m just not in the mood this week and your comment will never see the light of day.  But if you have something respectful, thoughtful, and/or informed to add to this discussion then I/we cannot wait to hear it.  Comment away!

September 29th, 2009

The Feminist Breeder Goes to Philly

Like I mentioned last week, I’m headed out to the Philadelphia area to visit a vaccination production facility. (yes, GlaxoSmithKline did come through with the plane tickets and hotel room, so I’m really going.)

Now here’s where you come in. I’m sure I’m not the only inquiring mind around these parts, so comment back with any questions YOU would have if you were going, and I’ll add that to my research.

And if you live in Philly (I’m talking to you girl-friend, and others) then let me know if we can work out dinner or breakfast or something.  I’m flying in on Thursday late afternoon, spending all day Friday either at this plant or commuting to/fro — then I’m flying straight out Friday evening.

I won’t have a ton of time there, but the nice 30 hour break from my toddlers is well-timed.  Jonas (the 3 yr old) peed all over my freshly-cleaned floor yesterday about 2 minutes after he got off the potty and Julesy (the 16 mo. old) has taken to screaming bloody murder every single time I sit down (apparently I’m not allowed anymore.)

I can’t wait to see how the hyphenated husband handles the two for the day while I’m gone.  If it’s anything like the way he handles them when I sleep in on Saturdays, then the entire house will be ripped apart, he’ll forget to feed them, and he’ll be trying to put them down for a nap 20 minutes after they wake up.  Of course, he’s already recruited his mother to take care of the kids while he stays outside doing yard work so at least I know THEY will be taken care of.  Lately I’ve been wondering why I even think he’s such a great dad.  He’s really been pissing me off.  He comes home from work a half hour late every day and then sits on Facebook while I try not to stick my head in the oven.  That’s where he was yesterday while I was making dinner and watching my toddler piss all over my clean floor.  This isn’t what I signed up for when we agreed that I’d stay home.  I’m not Suzy Freaking Homemaker.  And all I can do is bitch and yell about it, but that does no good. 

So yeah… I’ll go to Philly.  And maybe I won’t come back.