February 26th, 2010
Choices and Decisions: I Need a Sign
I have a lot to think about right now. For the last 2 years, I’ve been planning to do a summer study-abroad program in Rome. I was all set to submit my deposit last fall when I was unexpectedly nominated for a Harry S. Truman Scholarship. Unfortunately, the scholarship and my international studies would conflict. To accept the Truman award, I would be required to attend the Scholars week – no getting out of it – which occurs the first week I would have started class in Rome.
After much discussion, I decided I would rather try to win the $30,000 award. That would be the prudent thing to do. Rome could wait.
Since I would have the summer off now, Hyphenated Husband and I discussed, instead, signing me up for the Childbirth Educator Certification course that I’ve been wanting do take for the last year. That was my consolation prize for not getting to take the Rome trip that I’ve been desperately wanting to take.
However, on Tuesday I learned that I was not selected for the Truman award. Well – at least not yet. The nominating professor at my school believed 100% in my application, and when I wasn’t selected as a finalist, he wrote me to tell me that he was appealing the decision. Apparently the Truman foundation allows schools to make appeals on behalf of their candidates, and he said I was the strongest applicant he had ever seen in all the time he had been the nominating professor, so he wanted to go to bat for me. There is still a slim shot I could be selected for an interview in the next week, but I’m just cutting my losses on that one and mentally moving on.
Of course, it sucked, hard core, not to get picked for that award. I’ve won almost every scholarship I’ve ever applied for, and I worked for months on the Truman application. I truly felt that my application was top-notch, and obviously, so did my school. But even though the rejection hurt, it did make me feel a million times better that my professor thought enough of me to appeal the decision. At least I know I wasn’t crazy for applying, even if Truman didn’t like me. The amount of work I put into that application taught me a lot about myself anyway. It gave me a clear vision of exactly what I want to do with my life, and what I have to do to get there.
But now that I know I didn’t win a Truman award, which means I don’t have to attend the Scholar’s week, there’s nothing stopping me from going to Rome. Well – except that last weekend we decided to spend money on getting my Childbirth Educator Certification courses this summer.
So now I don’t know what to do. Each decision will (in the short term) cost me the same amount of money.
- If I put down the deposit for Rome, I can’t pay to get my CCE.
- If I pay for my CCE courses, I won’t have the time or money to go to Rome.
- I’ve wanted both for years.
- Rome is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity (I’ll be graduating next year.)
- But my CCE could help me bring in some income – right?
- But Rome is going to be really, reallllllly expensive.
- But getting my CCE will be a lot of work.
Can you see where I’m going with this? I don’t know what to do. I’ve got about 5 more days to decide because the deadline for Rome is next week. I believe a lot in signs, and I think I really need a sign to tell me what the right choice is. Yesterday my friend, who lives in Italy, who I only talk to once every few years, posted something on Facebook asking me if I was coming to Rome this summer. Then, this morning, I got a call from the International Studies office asking me the same question.
Part of me feels like those are signs that I should quickly get my deposit over to the office and go ahead with my Rome plans as intended.
But I don’t know. It would be so much easier just to stay home and get my CCE, and I could potentially make money with that. Rome wouldn’t make me any money.
But maybe getting my CCE won’t make me any money either. It seems like most of the childbirth educators I know say they can’t get enough students to make any decent cash.
Okay, internet peoples – it’s your turn to grapple with this. What would you do if you were me? Will Rome be better? Will getting my CCE be better? If you have experience taking either path, please let me know what you think.
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UPDATE: Well, the overwhelmingly Pro-Rome response here made it clear to me how I really feel about this. I want badly to do both, but that’s just not possible. I think I actually want to get my CCE (or CBE, which ever you call it) worse than going to Rome right at this moment, but I also know that I have all the time in the world to do that, but I don’t have all the time in the world to take advantage of an undergrad program in Rome. Although, one rockin’ lawyer birth junkie did point out to me that I can study abroad when I’m in law school, so this certainly isn’t my last chance to do this. But I’ve been planning for two years to do this program, and it fulfills some core requirements that I need anyway. If I don’t take these classes in Rome, I’ll just need to take them here – in boring ol’ Chicago.
So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to the International Studies office on Monday and putting down my deposit. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going – I have to make sure I can get the financial aid first (which, in all honesty, seems like a long shot.) If I don’t get that, then my decision is made for me (which would be a relief.) If I do get it, then the universe wants me in Rome this June. Then, I’m going to apply for the ICEA scholarship that the lovely Dou-la-la mentioned below, and if that works out, then that was meant to be. If it doesn’t, I’ll just have to save up for my CBE (or CCE) some other way.
Thank you to everyone for your honest opinions and your guidance. I really truly appreciate it. I know we don’t “know” each other, but I respect other people’s perspectives. It helps me gauge how I really feel about something.
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Ya know… If I were in your shoes, I would shoot for the stars and go for Rome. While the CCE can bring in income, and is a great opportunity, Rome is ONCE in a lifetime.
I have dreamed about going to Italy forever, and I would jump at it.
A friend of mine did a semester abroad and she loved it! Shoot for the stars!
Danielle´s last blog ..Johnston Won’t Be Smiling Anymore! 
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Honestly, I’d go to Rome. I’m a little biased as my mother was raised there, and I have such fond memories of going there with her, but honestly, it is an inspiring city, and travel allows for growth in unforseen ways. The CCE course will still be here when you get back. (BTW, which one are you planning on? I’m thinking of getting certified, but can’t figure out what organization to go with…) Best to you!
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How much will you regret not going to Rome?…. just sayin’
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@Jacki – that’s the thing, I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’ll come home from Rome and think “well, that was fun, but SHIT! Now I don’t have the CCE I wanted… was it even worth it?!!?”
I don’t know how I’ll feel taking either path. Therein lie the conflict.
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You mentioned this is the last time you could go to Rome since you will be graduating. So it’s a one shot deal. You can always get you CCE at a later date.
As for signs – both your friend & the Int’l Studies office contacted you – aren’t those signs enough?
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Go to Rome. It’s the last chance, the CCE will always be there. Unless, of course, you don’t really want to go there, in which case it’s silly to spend the money on it. But if you do want to go – follow your heart.
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Go to Rome. There will always be another opportunity to get your CCE later on down the road. Getting to study abroad would be a wonderful experience for you, and this summer’s the perfect time to do it (especially if you get a BFP!).
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Rome! Really! Your CCE will always be waiting for you!
Andrea B.´s last blog ..Hello world!
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I say Rome. You are about to go to law school. I hear lawyers make more money than childbirth educators, and long-term that’s your passion. You told me today that you need to take things off your plate, so take off the CCE thing.
But my opinion doesn’t really matter, so you have my permission to totally discount it and burn it up and stomp on it. It doesn’t affect my life either way.
It’s important to keep in mind that this does NOT have to be your last chance to either go to Rome or become a childbirth educator. You might not be able to go as an International Student, but Rome will still be there in 20 or 40 years. I hear it’s been around a long time. And careers change, too, and women will still be having babies in 20 or 40 years. Remembering that might help to relieve some of the pressure.
Amber´s last blog ..When the Time Isn’t Right
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Rome. My study abroad experience in college changed my life. You won’t be able to place a value on the things you’ll learn (both tangible and not) while living abroad.
Carly´s last blog ..don’t judge!
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I say both! How, you ask?
Go to Rome. And go through ICEA for your CBE training, and APPLY FOR A SCHOLARSHIP! I can hardly think of anyone more deserving. Seriously, do it!
*snaps*
Dou-la-la´s last blog ..Weekend Movie: Mom 2.0
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P.S. Meant to include this: http://icea.org/content/scholarships-and-grants
Dou-la-la´s last blog ..Weekend Movie: Mom 2.0
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I would go to Rome. It’s an amazing opportunity, and something to remember forever. Childbirth education classes can be done later, and it takes time to bring in income from that. I would think your gains from going to Rome would far outweigh any monetary gains from the classes.
I’m seriously digging Dou-La-La’s advice though. If you can do both…awesome!
Sorry about Truman, they have no idea what they’re missing.
Heather (qtberryhead)´s last blog ..Toss That Tea Into The Harbor Baby!
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I see most people are voting for Rome. But, to play devil’s advocate—do you want to actually *study* abroad, or do you just want to go abroad? Rome will still be there in a few years when you want to take a vacation. Also, aren’t you going to law school? Law schools also have summer study abroad programs. (Usually its recommended you do them your first summer, since your second summer is generally spent working for a firm that you supposedly want to work at after graduation…but the whole legal hiring model is undergoing some big changes in the last two years. Regardless, you can study abroad at a later date if you really really want to.
What is your gut telling you to do?
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100% go to Rome. Once in a lifetime chance. You can come back and at some point do the CCE classes much easier than you can get to Rome. You will not regret it. As someone who spent three months there I’m telling you – IT IS ALL WORTH IT! You will love it and your family will get the experience of a lifetime (I believe you’d mentioned before they might be able to come?).
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DEFINITELY ROME! Studying and living there is 1,000,000 times better than visiting. I will forever vacation there, but I would never take back the 4 months I lived there. And there really won’t be a better excuse to live there for 4 months than on a study abroad. I know, I’ve tried to make excuses to go back again for an extended trip, and just can’t find the justification… so short vacations will have to suffice.
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Seriously, go to Rome. The chance to study abroad is very different from just visiting another place. As a student, you learn so very much, about yourself, your culture, your host country’s culture, etc, etc. I have only taken a short language course while we are living abroad and learned A LOT, but my husband spent an entire year of university studying abroad back in the day, and it changed his life. Go to Rome, Gina. Grab this chance and run with it!! This, you will NOT regret.
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I’m going to throw my hat in with Lisa, not to say “Don’t go to Rome” but to ask the question “what would you be studying in Rome, and is it Rome or study-in-Rome that’s the big pull?” (what are the classes you’d be taking?)
If the childbirth educator thing is what you want to do, deeply and passionately, then go for that; Rome will still be there, at least for 2.5 more years even if the Mayans are right. (Although, if they are, you’ll get limited use out of the childbirth ed anyway! 
If whatever is in Rome is just calling you, and you feel like if you missed it it would be gone forever (obviously we don’t know the details!), then do that.
I guess the bottom line for me is still, isn’t it cool to have these two great choices to make, and know that you’re choosing between two REALLY good things, not between one “good” choice and one “wrong” choice? Whichever you do, you’ll learn and grow hugely from it, I have no doubt. No bad choice. (And Rome is an amazing city; beats the crap out of Paris on pretty much every front, IMO!)
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Gina, I believe in feelings and signs too. They can be tricky.
Here was my gut feeling/thought: when in your life will you ever be able to go to Rome again (for this kind of opportunity, not just a random trip)?
That is all. Wish you the best!
Kaitlin Rose´s last blog ..The Birth of Bring Birth Home
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Rome for sure – I’ve always regretted not studying abroad when I had the chance. The chance to really experience the culture and language (not to mention the food) is such a rare opportunity. Your CCE can wait.
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Ok, so i’m late to the party.
But my honest, and privileged, opinion on the matter is Rome all the way. You won’t (i assume?) be any financially worse off by not doing the CCE this year, the money will still be there in a year or 2 (you’ve not starved thus far).
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I love your decision! It’s like you’re setting up the world to give ready-made signs to you. You’ve gotta teach me how to do that.
Here’s hoping you get the financial aid to go to Rome AND the ICEA scholarship!!!
Kristen´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Labor’s Love
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I’m brand-spanking-new to your blog, as I just saw you on Discovery Health. I’m really glad that you put down a deposit on going abroad. I graduated from college last year, and I played varsity squash. I almost decided not to go abroad because of my sport, but my adviser literally told me that I would be “stupid” not to go. He was right. It changed everything about my educational experience and myself as a person (for the better!!) Going abroad is a big risk, but you just have to take it. You will never regret it, and a vacation later in life can never equal studying abroad. Best of luck!
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