Some feminists claim that feminism is about supporting other women's choices unconditionally and without judgment. I disagree wholeheartedly.
I believe feminism is about equality. Nothing less. Nothing more. I do not believe feminism requires supporting any choice a woman makes regardless of its context or consequence. The blind support of a person or action based solely a shared ideology, without critical thought, is nothing more than a religion. Or… some might call it a cult.
Great feminists have defined feminism time and again:
"Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings"
~Cheris Kramerae, author of A Feminist Dictionary, 1996."Feminism is the advocacy of political, economic and social equality between women and men."
~Feminist Majority Foundation"A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men."
~Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine, leader of the Women's Movement.
Nowhere in those three statements does it say “Feminism is about limitless choice.” I do not believe Feminism is simply about “choice” though it can sometimes be about the right to make certain choices, especially choices that support equality. However, if those choices undermine equality for every woman, good luck getting support from me.
A good example of a real choice: the choice between working or staying home. Both have risks and benefits, and no science has ever proven that one is universally better than the other. It’s about what works for you and your family. Neither one is more feminist than the other. Neither decision undermines equality or our gender.
Another good example of choice: the right to carry, or terminate, an unwanted pregnancy. What is right for that woman depends entirely on her own circumstances and capabilities. No one will ever know if she would have been better off taking a different path (though I openly admit that I loathe abortion and decided against one for myself.) I will always support choice in this area.
But, do you really believe every woman’s every “choice” should be supported? Tell me you’ve never seen a woman, 9-months pregnant, sucking on a Marlboro Red, and thought to yourself “Oh my god, that is disgusting!” Is it her choice to choke her unborn fetus with cigarette smoke? Sure it is! Do you support that choice? Are you going to walk up to her and say “Way to go! Smoke another one for me!” I bet you a thousand dollars you won’t. You judge it, just like I do, and don't try to tell me you don't. It is repulsive, and it’s okay to say that. Several states have laws against smoking in a car with children in it. This is a good case of legislating parenting. Smoking itself isn't illegal, but being a bad parent can be. Some things clearly undermine public health and our society, and I’ll be the first to say so regardless if a man is doing it or a woman is doing it. I will not support some things, and feminism (a.k.a. gender equality) does not require me to.
The other problem with calling everything a “choice” is that it reduces anything we are to being simply a personal choice. All the sudden, just being a woman is now a "choice" that is open to debate and possibly legislation by others. It has already happened with birthing and breastfeeding – two things that are completely owned by women, and yet are continually being snuffed out by the Cash Cow Corporations whose vested interest lies in pushing c-sections and formula. And the best part of that? They convince you they’ve done you a favor! You’ve been “liberated” by being chained to The Man. Nice going.
I am a female mammal; vaginal birth is not a choice, rather, it is the way nature designed my child to be birthed from my body – a design that even our modern scientific research has proven to be the healthiest possible way for a baby to be born.* Why? Because it does not require new-fangled technology. It is natural.
I am a female mammal; breastfeeding is not a choice. It is how our offspring was meant to be fed – an act that modern scientists and economists have proven is the best possible way to feed our babies.* Why? Because it does not require new-fangled, chemically comprised mystery liquids. It is natural.
But calling these things “choices” leaves the opportunity for others to say that you could have made an “alternate choice” — and because you didn’t, you should suffer the sacrifices of that “choice” and not look for any special considerations. And this opens the door for discriminating against mothers simply for being mothers – which is the one basic biological function that is exclusive to the female gender.
Let me illustrate. Our country says you are allowed the freedom to pray to whatever God you want. To truly honor that freedom, we must allow or citizens to recognize their religion in whatever way they believe is necessary, and we all work around it. But what if, by the same stroke, those who recognized Yom Kippur, for example, were told it was their “choice” to be Jewish, therefore they were not allowed a day off work to recognize the holiday? That’s not equality. You cannot claim to be equal if you are still being punished for what you are.
Equality does not mean “sameness.” Equality does not mean trading off your feminine biology to become a pseudo man. Equality means taking us for what we are; and that includes the accommodations that must be made to allow mothers to mother the next generation of people the best way possible.
But let’s take this in another direction. Do you hear MEN typing around the blogosphere about how they should support all choices other men make? When a man does something against nature and intelligent evidence, do you hear other men chiming in saying “Hey man, being a man is about choice!” No, you don’t. And you don’t hear them criticizing and undermining each other because of the very things that make them male. In fact, anything that is inherently male is usually celebrated and protected. They don’t tell each other they should cut off their manhood to be “equal” and sell that manhood to corporations and special interest groups to be “free” from their male-ness. They’re not looking for an escape hatch. And they’re not apologetic about what they are. And most importantly, they don’t claim that civil equality requires them all to hold hands and agree with every choice every one of them makes.
If you want equality, then allow female brains to think critically and make sound judgments about issues facing our society – just like men have been doing, unapologetically, since the beginning of time.
You do what you want, and I’ll reserve the right to agree or disagree with it. If what you’re doing is universally questionable, I’ll disagree loudly with it. And at no point in time will I ever feel like I am under some obligation to support you because we share a chromosome.
My only obligation, as a card-carrying feminist, is to support and advocate for that which promotes gender equality. That is all.
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*clearly I mean in normal, healthy situations. There are exceptions to everything in this universe.
I am selfish I guess. I don't want to share feeding my babies. And it makes me proud to watch them grow fat. I think "I did that. I am doing a good job"
I like knowing that I am giving my child life. It's all me. My husband can't do it and my daughter knows it. We are not the same. I wish my husband could know what that was like but sharing feeding with him wouldn't accomplish that. It would just make it less special. If he could do it then she wouldn't look at me like I'm the only one who can.
what does that make me? why does that feel like an extreme thing to say?
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