Moms who love breastfeeding are some of the most supportive and passionate people I know. We all want what’s best for our babies, and we all want to help support other moms to achieve their goals. Breastfeeding mothers often face special challenges – not necessarily from breastfeeding itself, but from a strange cultural distaste toward the act. Our American society specifically seems to have some serious hangups about women’s bodies, along with generations of misinformation on the risks of artificial feeding. For these reasons, I find that many breastfeeding mothers and Lactivists often feel that they have to constantly be on the defense, which sometimes manifests itself in less-than-productive ways.
Over the summer, a widely-read Lactivist made a spectacle of publicly unfollowing me after I posted a picture of my baby soundly sleeping with a pacifier in her mouth. Apparently, I had committed the highest of crimes by using a pacifier – since artificial nipples of any kind can sometimes interfere with breastfeeding – and this Lactivist felt that she could no longer tolerate hearing anything else I might have to say because of that choice I made.
Yes, using a pacifier too often might interfere with weight gain in babies, particularly in newborn period. Using a pacifier might cause problems with the baby’s latch, particularly in the newborn period. However, my baby was an 18 lb four month old (read: HUGE) and had zero problems latching on and effectively removing her milk from my breast. But my daughter, unlike her older brother, flatly refused to comfort nurse, which is quite common for babies who react poorly to a mom’s over supply or overactive letdown. Using pacifier when she wanted to suck, but not eat, was the right choice for her – and there was no reason not to let her sleep long stretches when she wanted.
But no matter my individual circumstances, the Lactivist still believed that my choice was wrong. I personally see this kind of dogmatic view as completely counterproductive to our movement, and has the potential to alienate the exact moms and babies we’re trying to help.
If I – a vocal and stubborn breastfeeder – could feel shamed and ousted by the Lactivist preaching the “right” way of being a breastfeeder, then what about the mothers who aren’t quite as tenacious as me? How does this make them feel? Does shaming, insulting, and humiliating them really help them achieve their breastfeeding goals? Will more babies be breastfed because this Lactivist decided to make a public spectacle about unfollowing me over my pacifier usage? I seriously doubt that a single mother saw that post and thought, “Wow, I hadn’t planned to breastfeed before, but knowing that there’s only ONE “right” way definitely makes me to try it now!”
And I’m not the only one who’s seen how counterproductive some of these comments can be. Many activists in the community have been discussing this issue for quite some time. That’s why I was thrilled when Melinda Olsen, owner of Earth Mama Angel Baby, told me she wanted to come up with a non-partisan way to unify breastfeeding moms and supporters toward one common goal: “To Facilitate Judgment-Free Breastfeeding.”
With input from me and a few others, Melinda and team created this amazing “Support With Integrity” pledge — which encourages signers to make a personal commitment to support breastfeeding mothers without all the ego, dogma, and judgment that can sometimes cloud the conversation.
Ultimately, the whole reason I do what I do is that I care about women, and I want to see them empowered to utilize their body’s amazing ability to autonomously provide food for their babies to grow strong and healthy. Sometimes I do this by raging against the machine, sometimes I feel like I have to call out the systematic threats to our effort, and sometimes I simply offer personal stories of my hard-won battles in an attempt to inspire and support others.
But at the end of the day, I will support anything that helps women reach their personal goal, no matter what that looks like to them. As the Support With Integrity Pledge says, “There isn’t a “wrong way” as long as the breast milk is flowin’ and the baby is growin’.”
Will you sign the pledge, and post it to your blog/facebook/web page?
Pledge signed, tweet tweeted and badge is proudly under my family picture on my blog.
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