April 13th, 2010
I Swear Officer, Those Were Not My Drugs
This is the kind of thing that can only happen to me. All my life, I’ve found myself in situations where I’m accused of something I had absolutely nothing to do with just by being in the worst place at the worst time. I told my husband years ago there may come a day when I stand trial for something I didn’t do because I have the worst luck in the history of the world.
The other day, the Hyphenated Husband is vacuuming the bedroom while I’m cleaning the office. I hear him shut off the vacuum, then he heads into the office saying,
“Uhhh, Gina? Okay, I’m not accusing you of this, but, ummm… what the hell is this?”
Then he walks into the office holding a marijuana pipe, and sporting a look of shock. Now, nobody in this house smokes pot. I haven’t smoked pot since I was a teenager, and neither has he. So where the HELL did this thing come from? We start searching our minds for who may have been in our house with this thing. Was it his mom??? She’s the only person ever in our bedroom. No, it’s not his mother, the retired police officer, for crying out loud.
Then who? How did a piece of drug paraphernalia make it into our bedroom?
Oh wait! The chair! It must have fallen out of the chair that was given to us by his uncle! Ohmygod, his uncle gave us a chair with a pot pipe in it! And now we’re thinking, “Okay, was it our uncle, or our aunt, or one of their two kids that left the pipe in there???”
It doesn’t matter now, because even more pressing is: how the hell do we get rid of this thing? John starts to throw it in the garbage and I’m all freaked out like,
“Wait!!! You can’t throw it in the regular garbage!!! What if the cops go through our garbage and think the pot pipe is ours and ohmyeffinggodwe’dgotojailandthey’dtakeourkidsawayohmygod!!!“
See – pot DOES make you paranoid, even when you haven’t smoked it.
So, I make John wrap it up really tightly and take it all the way out to the garbage on the curb. Today is Tuesday, garbage day in my town, and I’m patiently waiting for the knock on the door by the good ‘ol village police.
Let me just state, for the record, those were not my drugs. You all are my witnesses.
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wont it be funny on Thanksgiving when your uncle sits at your table and you guys keep making eyes to see if the other knows that you know that they know…
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was their actually pot in it or was it just the pipe. It’s not illegal to own a pipe, and even a small amount of drugs usually isn’t an issue in most states. Don’t worry too much, I’m sure you’ll be fine 
Erica´s last blog ..Goodbye, Old Friend: Weekly Challenge the First 
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Oh LOL!!! This is too funny. You should have handed it back at the next family function. Hee hee!
Joni Rae´s last blog ..Breakfast In!
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Reminds me of driving my mom’s car and finding contraband in the ash tray. EEK! Not MINE. NOT MINE. I would have felt just like you.
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LOL that is awesome! Generally you can just throw it in the regular garbage and yay for being trash night lol.
Sarah @ OneStarryNight´s last blog ..Dear Natural Parenting Community
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Ok that’s hilarious and VERY similar to something that happened to me at work a few years ago. I was transfering files to a file cabinet we had taken out of a recently vacated office and found a bag of pot in a hanging folder! It was with a bunch of invoices for car repairs (weird, since I worked in a real estate office). Luckily my boss remembered he got the cabinet (real cheap) from an autobody shop that got busted for being a drug front. My manager and I flushed the pot down the toilet although I was paranoid about it for days afterwards.
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Haha! That’s great! I guess it’s one of those things where you’ll never know WHO really lost the pipe in the chair. I remember, when in high school my mom came up to me while I was on the computer and said in her most quiet, “your such deep *&%#” voice “What is this?” She opened her hand and there was a half smoked joint. So I told her “Uhhh, that looks like a roach.” She responded with “I KNOW WHAT IT IS! IT WAS IN MY CAR AND EVERYONE IN MY CARPOOL SAW IT!! THEY ALL THINK I SMOKE! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU! I COULD LOSE MY JOB…”and so on and so on. I could not convince her it was not mine…until my hippie uncle who had been in her car the week prior called and told her he may have left it in her car. Whoops… I still like to remind her of this miscarriage of justice. 
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I will testify if called upon.
I had a similar-ish situation once. I was 13 and very strait-laced, and I was in a car with my friend on our way to a Girl Guide function. You couldn’t get more vanilla and upright than that. I had a book of matches, because we were headed to a ceremony at which there would be candles. And tucked inside the book of matches I found the remains of a joint. Which, presumably, came from a relative of mine many years ago, who wasn’t so upright.
Being 13 I was prone to freakouts anyway, and even more so when I was in a car with a friend’s parents and a joint in my hand. When the car stopped I was able to drop it in some bushes without being noticed, but man. Not. Fun.
Amber´s last blog ..One Unhelpful Doctor
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Funny post! I loved the tickle post last week – too cute! Thanks for the VBAC advice, I really appreciate it! I had really no idea where to get started, thanks again!
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This one cracked me up! I am waiting for the day my kids find my innocent paraphinalia that I have hidden away.
I don’t smoke, but my ex was a huge pot head and my step-bro was a glass blower and made a beautiful pipe for him as a gift – I took it when I left and can’t bear to get rid of it because it is so pretty!
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ha ha ha ! too funny! My husband manages a furniture store & frequently cleans up furniture that is returned etc…just yesterday he found a vibrator in a couch ..He was not impressed !
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BAH HA HAA! Vibrator in a couch! That’s a way better story!
What the hell is with people misplacing their drugs and dildos? If that were my shit I’d keep a better eye on it, eh?
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I like that this comes right after your “Just Say No” post. Timely no? Too funny anyway. I’m sure the garbage men don’t bring police dogs with them so I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Melodie´s last blog ..The Skinny on Being Skinny
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My dad died of liver cancer about a year ago. Although he had terminal cancer, he had been doing really well and wasn’t bedridden–he was usually out gardening or working in the garage. In the matter of a day he went from watching my nephew at a ballgame to dying that night (I think he hemorrhaged or something). Anyways, I guess he didn’t have time to clean his stash because a few months later my mom was cleaning out his tool box and found his marijuana. My mom couldn’t believe that he had done it (I didn’t blame him–the guy was in pain). Then she was freaked out that she was going to get in trouble for it. My husband’s a cop and she called him freaking out, asking what to do and swearing that it wasn’t hers. My husband was all, “It’s not a big deal! Chill out! Just throw it in the trash or something. Cops don’t care that much–you’re really not going to get in trouble for a little weed.” Funny that a cop had to calm my mom down from finding marijuana…
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Ohmygosh – something like this happened to us. We bought a family members house and some things were left in it. It is an older relative, so we were not worried that anything odd would be down there. Well, one day my 3 year old walked upstairs with a 3 foot bong! I about died. Grandma had a bong! It had never been used, but still…
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That is too funny – I actually have a similar story, except that we found a pipe in our flower bed one spring, so i stashed it in the pocket of my camera bag until I could figure out what the hay to do with it, and of course I forgot it was there until the day maybe a year later that I found myself in line to go through security at the airport – OMGosh! Luckliy it unscrewed into several pieces so I was able to dismantle it and spread it around in my luggage so no one would be able to tell what it was. I ended up donating it to the Dare officer at my kid’s school to use for presentations LOL glad he believed me on how I found it. Seems silly now that I was so worried about putting it in the trash!
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