Last week after my post about breastfeeding blew up so big that it broke my servers, I got an email from a nice lady from AOL who was interested in having me continue the conversation over at AOL’s ParentDish. She said she liked my blog and would like to give me the opportunity to get my voice heard on such a mainstream site.
I was sitting in class when I got the email, and all I could think was,
“holyshitohmygod AOL likes me this is crazy oh my god oh my god!!!“
But then, quite quickly, reality set in, and I read through the email a little more carefully. They were asking me to come on to “debate” another blogger in the context of last week’s breastfeeding news. I was immediately quite confused and conflicted, because on one hand:
Breastfeeding does not need to be debated. Babies were born to be breastfed. You cannot argue with fact.
BUT – on the other hand:
Having this discussion on ParentDish, with its 8 million viewers a month, could raise awareness of the issue and hopefully effect some thought change.
And seriously, who doesn’t want to gain more exposure for their cause? I wouldn’t be making health law my career if I didn’t think that I could make some real changes by talking about these issues.
However – there is quite a difference between a circus and a debate, and I was dying to see how AOL would be setting this up. After a panicked phone call to my experienced and intelligent breastfeeding lawyer mama friend, I told AOL I was reluctant to accept the invitation, but asked if they could explain further in case there was something I was missing. As it turns out, they wanted to feature me, and this other blogger, in a forum called “The Smackdown.”
HUGE BLINKING RED FLAG.
The Smackdown, huh? That begs the question – which one of us is supposed to be the one getting smacked down? Is it the blogger with science, evidence, research, and billions of years of evolution on her side, or is it the blogger ranting about projected guilt? Either way, sounds like a soap opera to me, and no place for a real discussion about health issues impacting our family, and our status as women.
The other blogger’s piece, which was published elsewhere today, was titled “Quit picking on moms who don’t breast-feed.” I was supposed to have some sort of counter-argument to that statement. But, exactly what is there to argue with about that? No mom should be picked on. I don’t think anybody IS picking on these moms. I just think we’re trying to give women information and help them meet their own goals instead of sabotaging them – right?
See? There – I fixed it. Nothing left to argue over. 
And dudes – As much as I welcome healthy disagreement between smart women, I do NOT need to be in another fight with a popular blogger again this year. As it is, I’m sure one author wants to choke me to death with her “sexy nursing bra” after I didn’t like her anti-feminist sex book. Another one calls me nasty names all over the Blogosphere because I didn’t appreciate her calling a homebirthing mother a “criminal.” Sheesh, standing up for other women has really gotten me a beating this year, and between just those two, frankly, I’ve had about all the Blog Wars I can stomach for 2010. Do I really need to take on another blogger in an emotional battle that NOBODY will win? I can be really, really stupid sometimes. But not that stupid.
Still though – this is AOL we’re talking about here, and this could be my in with them. I don’t feel like I’m at a place in my career where I can turn down opportunities (well, this could be a symptom of my personality that explains my constantly overfilled plate because I never, ever say no to anything in the unlikely event that it actually may help me in even the smallest way.) I’m trying my hardest not to burn bridges before I’ve ever seen them.
But after stressing about it for days, and hemming and hawing, I finally politely told AOL that this was not the way I wanted to discuss this issue. Breastfeeding – and mothers – deserve far more respect on such an important topic. We can all argue on ParentDish over Jon & Kate drama, or whether texting at the playground makes you a disengaged parent, but serious public health issues like breastfeeding and reproductive rights deserve more than trite bickering.
No hard feelings, AOL. I just have to sit this one out. And I would encourage us all to shift the focus off of the cyclical “Breast vs Formula” debate, and start talking about the real issues. Says Amie Newman at RH Reality Check,
“work towards equality and justice and we’ll allow women to make decisions they feel are right for themselves.”
That’s what we need to be discussing now. Issues of “guilt” are just a straw man argument that distract women from the real barriers to breastfeeding. Creating a soap opera out of this issue is like pulling the fire alarm so someone can loot the building.
I said this last week but I’ll say it again. We MUST give women the tools and the support they need to reach their own breastfeeding goals. Anyone who is offended by women getting their hands on information doesn’t have any other mom or baby’s interest at heart.
Can we move on now?
I am writing as I am quite surprised that in this day and age that qualified professionals such as marisa peer should write such review about breast feeding. I was so disturbed by it, felt the need to write about it somewhere. She gave her opinion on breastfeeding after the age of one and disagreed with it implying that it effects a Childs independence and that it's more about the mother than the child. I was upset that the magazine only gave one professionals opinion. Why would one wish to inflict independence on a baby under 5 never mind 2!!! We find it as adults difficult being independent. As a result, Children these days are being forced into rooms on their own and forced onto solids too soon all because we don't wish to be frowned upon by society. What is happening? They are babies who need warmth and security not a regimented routine. Nature gives us breasts to feed our children and in history, we did not have plastic dummies and bottles? May I ask if Marisa would write such a review then about objecting to babies being breastfed over the age of one, I think not. It is actually recommended by the department of health to breastfeed until the age of two. If parents wish to wean sooner as their children are ready then fine but don't condemn mothers who wish to nourish their child until the recommended age. Yes Marissa, breasts are meant for nourishment but also comfort. When they are sick and cannot eat or drink normal solids & be independent then mums breast are there and its all part of natures plan. To all mums who breastfeed over one, do not feel put out by people who have clearly not done their research and outweighed both physiological and psychological research. You are doing a marvellous job and can I add that my little girl adores other children and interacting. She is loving and strong. I have completely been led by her. So I agree with the support on place for breastfeeding mothers. Thank you.
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