Oy! You go, FB! Rock on!
Andrea Owen´s last blog ..A little rant about eating disorder myths

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Disturbing. I can’t really come up with any other adjective for that right now.
Erin´s last blog ..Cloth Diaper Shout Out: Mass Media Style

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Gina, I could not agree more. This is some serious woman hating bullshit and I think this nurse should be reprimanded in a very serious way and given sensitivity counseling by her employer!

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Glad the Choices in Childbirth link was useful!

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I am probably on the wrong site for this point of view, but I didn’t think that was so bad! She was KIDDING! Everyone jokes about things they do in their everyday life & for them, L&D is an every day occurrence. I highly doubt the L&D Nurse was SERIOUSLY suggested the Dr do a C-Section so she could go home.

And, I have to agree with the birth plan thing. Why on earth do ppl feel the need to put in writing what “should” happen while they give birth. We have very little control over our bodies at any time let alone during childbirth! You know “the best laid plans of mice & men often go astray!”

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@Ann – you are intensely misinformed about birth. I don’t have the energy to school you today, but you can go read a copy of My Best Birth to find out how wrong you are.

“Joking” about cutting women out of impatience is violent, and not funny in any way shape or form.

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Response by: Lisa Moon on: Jul 7th, 2010

Could not agree with this succint reply more!

When I read what was written on this FB account, it FELT like reading about violence – I’d even go so far as to compare it with a sexual assault (and I can, sadly, understand just what that means).

There is no ‘joking’ about rape/assault, nor is is appropriate to ‘joke’ about ‘cutting’ someone just to hurry someone’s work schedule!

And SERIOUSLY, wtf is this DOCTOR doing TEXTING TO FACEBOOK when she’s WORKING? Or a nurse, for that matter… Sure, I guess some people can get away with it… say, when you have a desk job, perhaps.

This was disgusting to read, terrifying to consider and angering the more I think of the implications.

So sorry if mom (who’s probably fighting gravity and/or meds, lying down, and other things NOT conducive to birthing) is taking a bit too long for you. She should have been more considerate and just let you give her unnecessary major surgery?!

I am glad on one hand that my own birthing days are done. I am inspired to step-up my own personal quest to chat up moms to be about their options and getting safe, CARING, professional assistance for their births – whatever that might involve in their ‘wishing-for-too-much’ birth plans!

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I gave birth in the 70′s and fought to have the labor and delivery experience I wanted. we were considered rebel rousers in those days! I hated having enemas while in labor, being strapped down in leather restraints for delivery. We had no anesthesia until we were in transition, then were told we had to sit up to get a saddle block. After all that, we had to lay flat for 8 hours so we didn’t get a spinal headache.

Every woman should be able to have the birth she hopes for. Sure, unforeseen things can happen, but even then she should be given the dignity of choice!

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Ann doesn’t seem to comprehend that a birth plan is expressing one’s desires. It’s a wish list – something we hope for. Of course it’s not cast in stone – birth could never be, but it helps providers have an idea of what we want out of the process. It helps to have a Doula to ‘interpret’ what the L&D nurse or OB is trying to foist on an unwitting patient too. I find birth plans are very helpful, as long as the Mom knows that things can change.

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I am so glad to be seeing this publicized more and more over the internet. Those comments are disgusting and I hope they make it back to the hospital admins!
Danielle´s last blog ..Take Time to Smell the Flowers

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@Ann, Women having babies is an every day thing for me too, but I would NEVER make a JOKE about giving a woman a SERIOUS major surgery because I am tired or wanted to go home for the day. That is nothing short of negligence!!
Danielle´s last blog ..Take Time to Smell the Flowers

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doctors forcing surgery to speed up their day is not ethical. it is productivity going horribly wrong.

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Wow, wow, wow. Maybe that’s a comment that would have sounded different if they were talking amongst themselves and the supposed sarcasm came through (I’m trying to give them the benefit of the doubt here, and thinking back to things we used to say about customers when I waitressed – of the letting off steam variety, but without any genuine ill will behind it), but in writing that kind of “joking” doesn’t work. I know we all tend to think of FB as an extension of ourselves and we do post on FB in our “talking” voices, but unfortunately, some things don’t translate. Writing something in a public forum changes it.

And as for her “I’m sure the patient would have laughed,” where the hell does she get off deciding what a woman would find humourous while pushing an entire human being through a hole that normally only fits tampons and penises. That is so wrong for a medical professional to assume, on so many levels. It’s dehumanizing and totally disrespectful of the patient’s dignity. I had an OB (student OB) trying to foist a c-section on me from the moment I started pushing and I wanted to punch her. She’d “known” me for all of 10 minutes, but she thought she already knew what I wanted and needed, and what I was capable of in labour. It was disgusting. I don’t think she even realized how close she came to being punched by my husband. Good thing his hands were occupied with massaging and generally looking after me.

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I find this soooo wrong on so many levels! And let me just say that in 2002 I was forced into an unnecessary PAINFUL c-section because the doctor had told me ‘you will deliver this baby by 1030pm’ earlier in the day. Then he told my ex-husband (who was in the medical field) that I needed the c-section. Well I was also cut before being numb. They had to knock me out, which ruined the whole birth and initial bonding with my son. Since then, I had another beautiful baby boy last year and I found a new OB who let me go vbac, who after the birth said he never had any fear about me rupturing and WHEN we decided we wanted another one, he will let me do vbac again.

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That ‘joke’ was totally inappropriate.

Ironically, when the nurse alluded to finding a care provider that shares your philosophy she was bang on. Unfortunately, mothers don’t have the same option with nurses, since you get who you get. I would be horrified if one of my nurses was so flip about my wishes and my birth plan, and it would leave me unable to work well with her.

Not treating people badly is a two-way street, and I think that when someone is giving birth we need to defer to them first before we can expect them to defer to us. For a nurse, this is just another day at work. For the woman having the baby this is major life-changing event that she will always remember. If it goes badly she can’t just shake it off and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Amber´s last blog ..Why I’m Participating in Earth Hour

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blech! so horridly repulsive!
Betsy´s last blog ..Part IV – It Ain’t Over Yet: The Diagnosis

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Sorry it has taken me a bit to respond to you, but have loved your posts. Just a thought about post vaginal deliveries and your vagina. There is a common practice with epidurals to let a woman “labor down”- as she cant feel well to push, and can end up pushing for 2-3 hours (many women do) so you just hook up pitocin and and epidural and let the body do the work for awhile. In theory it sound great. And for women who truely need an epidural for a long exhausting abnormal labor pattern, may be the break they need to deliver. But I often wonder about the effects on ligaments and muscles. You figure with natrual birth, as soon as the baby is low, you have that overpowering urge to push and you do. WIth an epidural a hour or two (or more) may go by and you dont. Just a thought.

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This is horribly unprofessional, even if they were “joking”….. I still hear things like this on the job and I am either turning around and confronting the issue or sometimes I have to walk away. Years ago, the world may not have been aware of some of these types of comments. Now in the information age–it’s right out there. Facebook is a public arena and there are still many individuals out there who don’t know that their facebook “wall” may be viewed by anyone with a FB account unless they have their settings to the correct privacy selection.
I recently had a facebook “run-in” with a midwife who was posting very private and sensitive patient information (pretty detailed except the name). When I privately messaged her that the stuff she was putting up there as well as derogatory staff comments were possibly TMI for FB, she got all pissy, deleted co-workers from her friends list, posted my private message on her wall and went on to tell her FB world more stories and how much she didn’t like me. Personal crap aside, she behaved very unprofessionally–>was reported by another person & was “disciplined” by hosp admin. If you would do a google search on her name, you would see an article about her being hired and right under that, …her facebook page.
She deleted her FB acct but got herself another becuz she is still at the L&D desk on FB!!!!
I’m still upset about professionals in my field who cannot relinquish control, want to call ALL the shots and feel the need to pass judgement on an individuals informed choice.
Talking about ANY of that in a public arena is inappropriate on so many levels!
StorkStories´s last blog ..NBC’s “The Office” sends Positive Message to America for Birth and Breastfeeding

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This is ridiculously disgusting. It runs along the same lines (if joking) as the Facebook status I saw the other day: “Dear Lord, Last year you took my favorite actress, Britney Murphy, and my favorite pitchman, Billy Mays. Just letting you know, my favorite president is Obama.” And the people who are spouting the Psalms 109.8 – “May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership.” That leads fairly naturally into the Psalm 109:9, “May his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.”

Not trying to turn this political at all – it has nothing to do with the president, in my opinion. It is merely joking about how these people wish death upon someone. Not funny.

Anyway – IDK if it’s something you have any control over, but that screen shot doesn’t show the whole comment on the last one… I’m interested to see what other hate that woman had to spew.
Erin W. / Beatnik Momma´s last blog ..Wordless Weekend: Kairi’s First Birthday

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I get the joke, I do. People is stressful work environments sometimes make inappropriate jokes. But to post it on FB? Seriously? And then get all offended when people point out that it sounds sexist and horrible? I am disgusted and so glad she was never my nurse.
Jerseygirl89´s last blog ..The Definition of Parenting

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Joking in that manner when you are a L&D nurse is entirely innapropriate – and completely insensitive, as well as irresponsible. Due to her position she has greater responsibility to watch her words, especially in relation to any patients, or potential patients.
I think everyone remembers Obama’s offand about the ‘special olympics’. Some people probaly thought that was not a big deal either, however to those with special needs, his remark was wrong and even more wrong because of the position he holds.
As far as birth plans go. Most people who make them understand that a certain degree of flexibility is required on their part because birth doesn’t go according to a plan.
What birth plans due is ensure or attempt to ensure that the mother’s wishes and her partner’s are honored. It is their birth, and they should be respected and given the right to have a birth plan.
If more hospitals and doctors allowed birth to proceed as a normal part of life, rather than a medical event parents would not feel the need to have a birth plan. Since, their wishes have been violated in many cases the control and comfort that a birth plan can give them is necessary due to the US medical establishment’s view of birth.
No nurse has the right to encourage meds if the mother says no – or check the mother’s dilaton progress every hour (that has been done) despite the fact that the mother doesn’t want it, or require a EFM when it is absolutely not needed and is making the mother uncomfortable, irritable, and frustrated.

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It is really disgusting. @Amber – you said exactly what i was thinking, I had a necessary c-section that went against everything I had planned, and the next day, I couldn’t just “shake it off” like any other bad day. 3 years later and I am still affected by it. If thought for one minute anyone in the L&D unit had been “joking” like this about me and my birth plan, I probably would have left the hospital!

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PS to my last comment:

As far as VBACS go, I wonder if this is what ACOG had in mind when they recommended that Dr’s be “immediately available” in case of emergency?

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The joke was very inappropriate and this lady should know that posting it on Facebook was a really bad judgment call. I hope she has since learned her lesson.

I find it terribly ironic that staff in the medical industry has control issues with us when they are the ones that want to control everything! God forbid we have a say over our bodies or the bodies of our children. I think the medial industry and it’s staff need to seriously reevaluate their purpose….they’re supposed to be helping people not objects they can do whatever they want with.

@ Amber – What a great point. This is what some people don’t seem to understand. Thanks!

“Not treating people badly is a two-way street, and I think that when someone is giving birth we need to defer to them first before we can expect them to defer to us. For a nurse, this is just another day at work. For the woman having the baby this is major life-changing event that she will always remember. If it goes badly she can’t just shake it off and hope for a better day tomorrow.”

@ StorkStories – Bravo to you for standing up for what is right! It’s only people like you that continue to make this world great, people who stand up for injustice!

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thought I’d add

@ StorkStories – Bravo to you for standing up for what is right! It’s only people like you that continue to make this world great, people who stand up for injustice with honor not volience or hateful actions!

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Last night my husband read this post while eating dinner, and he stopped eating and said he was too disgusted to continue. Which is few and far between for him…
He wanted to leave that as a comment but when he want to leave a comment but my info was saved in the comment area. LOL
Danielle´s last blog ..Weekly Round Up

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That is beyond unprofessional and disgusting. To joke about major surgery is just awful. If someone was talking about being frustrated at someone’s treatment for cancer would it be appropriate for a nurse to “jokingly” say “well crank up the chemotherapy!” People have been fired for what they’ve posted on facebook–I hope this woman is one of them.

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Also, WTF is an ON DUTY OB doing on Facebook in the first place! I hope someone from the hospital sees this and these two face disciplinary action at the least and hopefully are both fired. I hope that people see this and the hospital loses money based on these two idiots.

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I understand that I’m supposed to interpret the comment in-context, which is that of workers trying to manage in a stressful and uncertain workplace and humor is a way to cope with that environment. I get that.

But IMO, the comment, admittedly isolated and taken out of context, borders on the classical legal definition of ‘hate speech.’ It incites a violent act against an individual, and reveals that there’s a latent attitude of disrespect against a group of people (laboring women) within an institution (the hospital).

And, anyone that’s been the victim of humor-based discrimination is has at some point in time been told that they just need to ‘loosen up’ and stop taking things so seriously.

Is hospital administration aware their employees are publicly ‘joking’ like this?

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Good point EF!

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@EF – “And, anyone that’s been the victim of humor-based discrimination is has at some point in time been told that they just need to ‘loosen up’ and stop taking things so seriously.”

YES! THIS!! This is exactly why I was so disgusted by the mominatrix “have a giggle and get over it” comment about traumatized cesarean moms. http://thefeministbreeder.com/mominatrix-says-consider-yourself-lucky-you-c-section-bitches/

Telling someone to “get over it” because you’re too ignorant to understand their pain is just gross. Marginalizing people is not “funny.”

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This is beyond disgusting and inappropriate, on countless levels. My blood boils every time I hear about a nurse or other medical staff complaining & dismissing birth plans like this. What they never seem to realize is that birth plans became necessary because of how THEY constantly try to intervene in and control OUR births. We are not so presumptuous and naive as to think we can control what our bodies or our babies do; the birth plan is to control the hospital staff. It’s our wishes, in writing, warning them to BACK OFF and let us labor.

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@Ann:

http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/09/14/birth-plan-yes-or-no/

Great rebuttal against the argument that birth plans just set you up for disappointment, etc.

To the rest: I concur, totally inappropriate from the L&D nurse.

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It makes me sad that birth plans are mocked like this in pretty much every hospital environment. Birthing mothers love putting them together, and hospitals love ignoring them. I don’t know how to change this. I guess it takes a whole change of culture.
Lauren @ Hobo Mama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: The Diva Cup isn’t just for women

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Ann – would you find it funny if you read the following

Guy #1 – oh, my wife is really pissing me off today
Guy #2 – why don’t you just knock the crap out of her & put her in her place?

Cause I don’t see the difference… When you are talking about committing an act that would be nothing more than assault, it certainly isn’t something to ‘joke’ about. Also, put into context with her other statements I don’t think she was joking until she was called out on it & then OF COURSE that’s what she would say. Yes, NATURAL childbirth can’t be controlled, but since when is the doctor cutting you an episotimy, or forcing you to have an IV, or scaring you into pitocin, or not allowing you to eat when you need the nourishment NATURAL… natural means nature decides, not doctor & hospital admin decide… And that’s what a birth plan is… WHAT I WANT UNLESS NATURE (READ THAT AGAIN, NATURE, NOT A DOCTOR) DECIDES OTHERWISE.

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Response by: Jen on: Jun 26th, 2010

This is almost exactly what I was thinking. Do you laugh with a guy who tells another guy to rape his date if she turns him down, “just kidding”? If you, “just joking”, tell someone whose child is behaving inappropriately to beat the crap out of them, it works for you, you may have DFACS at your door later that week, “jk” or not.

And as for birth plans, every plan needs to be flexible, but there are very real pros AND cons to every intervention and it is not reasonable to expect a woman to fully comprehend and think over things while she is in active labor, let alone while she is pushing. It is reasonable to imagine that she could do her homework in advance and decide what is acceptable risk in what situation for her.
Jen´s last blog ..Roadtrip To Baby

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Response by: Racheal on: Jun 29th, 2010

“It is reasonable to imagine that she could do her homework in advance and decide what is acceptable risk in what situation for her” -

Exactly! Every other area of life we are EXPECTED to think for ourselves & be pro active, but once pregnant, all that goes right out the window & we are supposed to sit there & listen to the ‘pros’… well, those pros led me wrong once, why would I let them do it again? Isn’t that the very definition of insanity? To keep doing the same thing over & over expecting a different outcome.

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Ugh. As an L&D nurse, I have witnessed this kind of thing time and time again. They think they’re cute and clever. Why do these people get into the birth business? (Some love L&D cause it’s “exciting” like the ER. Exciting when you whisk someone to the back for an “emergent” c-section and SAVE the baby who has 9/9 apgars.) *Bangs head on desk*

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