Massive Recall of 2011 Version of Babies

Dec 11th 2011

One of the afflicted babies, up at 3 am when she SHOULD be sleeping.

This week, amidst worldwide reports from exhausted mothers and fathers everywhere saying that their babies refuse to fall asleep, like, EVER, U.S. officials have issued a large scale recall of all babies issued between January and November of 2011.

The commotion started earlier this month when a mother from Illinois says she took her daughter to the pediatrician after the baby decided that nighttime was the perfect time to throw loud parties. The mother told her pediatrician, “She’s BROKE. Fix her!” But the pediatrician just shrugged and said he’d seen many broken models this year.

After noticing thousands of exhausted moms complaining on Twitter and Facebook at 3 o’clock in the morning, U.S. officials decided to investigate the manufacturing process at Stork, Inc. They quickly discovered that this year’s models were missing the critical Go-The-F**k-To-Sleep® feature that causes babies to automatically shut off when they’ve received the correct amount of food and stimulation. Without this feature, they just stay awake. Like. FOREVER. (Except when you’re about leave the house.)

Officials at Stork, Inc. admit that they knew some models were being issued without the critical Go-The-F**k-To-Sleep® function, but were unable to slow production in this downturned economy because, quote, “Uuhhhh, this is how couples are keeping warm these days?” (with a wink and a smile.)

Parents are urged to contact Stork, Inc. to receive their free repair kit which includes an adult-sized bottle of tequila, ear plugs, and free access to a 24-hour support hotline where parents can talk to each other at ungodly hours of the night to keep the last of their remaining marbles intact.

No word yet how soon Stork, Inc. will be integrating the Go-The-F**k-To-Sleep® function back into the newer models. In the meantime, U.S. officials expect that newly-issued babies may lack the same feature. As an intermediate solution, HowToBeADad.com has begun production on “The world’s first non-habit forming child anti-wakefulness system,” lovingly titled “Tranquoo.”

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89 Responses to “Massive Recall of 2011 Version of Babies”

  1. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    umm….i’m pretty syre the dec. 2010 model is also lacking this feature.



  2. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    HAHAHAHA! I love you so hard right now.



  3. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    August 2010 is also missing this. I even bought the GTFTS book afterwards but apparently it cannot be installed after the product has been in use for a while.



  4. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    The May 2009 model is missing this feature. >:[ My warranty has expired.



  5. The Hipster Homemaker | Profile
    VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    I think i skips a year, because I have a 2009 model, and he never fucking sleeps, and never has!



  6. The Hipster Homemaker | Profile
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    *it, not I. Stupid phone!



  7. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    April 07 seems to be on the fritz for the last week. Is there an upgrade going on or do I need to purchase patch program??



  8. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Is this like a beta feature?? Because my 2006 model was defective and actually still is. I don’t think I was offered an extended warranty option.



  9. SarahChristineBolton | Profile
    VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Bahahaha!! My July 2010 model sleeps just fine, but has the attitude of a 14-year-old on her period. Wonder if there was a glitch with the age meter?



  10. GenevieveSawyerBaumann | Profile
    VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Hmm my May 2009 model worked initially, but ceased sleeping in Jan 2011. Without confirmation that the 2012 models will be fixed, this may impact our future investments in Stork, Inc.



  11. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    HAHAHA!!! Thank you for this!



  12. AmandaBrysonGibbons | Profile
    VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    The May 1991 model was missing this feature as well. He was 2.5 before I got a real good nights sleep lol



  13. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My 2002 model lacked the stop crying feature?,? but my 2010 modek works great!!!! but with this recent mess I’m concerned about my model due in 2012!!! Hope they get it fixed by then lol



  14. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Interesting how the 2011 models all appear to prefer 3 am specifically for malfunctioning and also came fully equipped with the same over-priced rubber bovid accessory to squeak while they party.



  15. BobbieJoWilliamsHardy | Profile
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    I think the recall should include the Dec 2010 models as well. As I can’t remember when I got sleep last!



  16. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My 2011 model didn’t have this feature and still doesn’t. Do the new ones come with a built-in anti-head climbing at 4am feature?



  17. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My Sep 2011 model seems to be okay without the feature. On the other hand, my Aug 2009 model seems to be missing it. Much to my chagrin 2009 models are not included in the recall.



  18. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My May 2011 model was integrated fairly quickly after we found out that there was a manufacturing error in the mouth that caused difficult feeding.



  19. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    This July 2011 model is wide awake at 11:11 PM our time. The three hours nap he had in the car during our even road trip back home is going to make for a l-o-n-g night.

    Are we sure chloroform isn’t such a bad idea?



  20. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    The 2010 model has the same problem. Awake from 10-4am!



  21. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Yes, I think it is a full year recall Nov 2010-Nov 2011. Mine has never wanted much to do with sleep even as a wee itty-bitty!



  22. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    HA!!! You crack me up. Hope the sleep fairy visits your home soon…



  23. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My May 2011 model is working well…if he is swaddled, he passes out immediately. BUT he doesn’t stay asleep without mommy nearby…hmm (with mommy he will sleep all night). And he won’t sleep without a swaddle.

    My Sept 2008 model MUST have a recall. He NEVER slept (we are talking hourly wake ups until 17 months) and still refuses to sleep without mommy or daddy. Anyone???

    And neither boy drinks (or drank) from a bottle…this MUST be part of the recall too.

    Do I just have mama’s boys??



  24. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My August 2011 model is doing just fine, compared to her big sister. Although all this sickness flying around sure makes for some miserable days where all three of us just sit and cry on the living room floor.



  25. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My 2001 model lacked this feature. It does seem over time, however, that they can self-repair. As a 10 year old, she sleeps a lot. I’m wondering if this means that we will see a longer-term flaw in the model as a teenager–the lack of a “get up for school” switch.



  26. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My female 1999 model lacked the “Stop-F***ing-Crying” feature, and my male 2000 and 2008 models lacked the “Go-The-F***-to-Sleep-WITHOUT-Mommy”feature. The 2000 model is finally adjusting without (at age 11,) but the 2008 model is still malfunctioning. As for the 1999 model, I am wondering if she is missing the “Get-the-F***-Outta-Bed-For-School” feature also, or if the feature is prone to malfunction at the onset of puberty?



  27. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    I think this calls for a class action lawsuit against Stork, Inc. I would be willing to settle for nothing less than 5 extra hours in each day set aside for sleep.



  28. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Hahaha



  29. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Oh my 1993 model was broken until 1995, then my yr 2000 model was a lemon, until now found a patch online to fix her, the 2003 model is a sweet one! Boy I can relate to those 3am crying, pacing the floor and wondering why they won’t SHUTUP!!



  30. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My 2008 model is not only missing the critical sleep function, but she also seems to be missing the “anti-colic” function (critical in a model’s first year of operation) and the “just put your effing clothes on and stop complaining about tags and seams” function (necessary in a model’s ENTIRE span of operation, IMO). I am hoping a patch will be issued, pronto.



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      My late 2007 model is exactly the same; I think they must be part of the same lot or something. @Momagement



  31. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Yep, they definitely left that feature out of the June 2011 models, too.



  32. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    LMAO!



  33. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Hahah! OMG too funny. I laughed so hard. I think the problem is that parents these days don’t keep their babies up as much as possible during the day, put them on a schedule. To bed early and early to rise, but it seems, from what I’ve seen is that moms want to sleep in til 10am. Nothing again getting sleep, but a schedule, once applied may just fix that broken syndrome or Go-The-F**k-To-Sleep® as the author put it. It worked for me, it may work for others. I guess I was and still am a schedule freak. 😀



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @CouponArmyWife You ARE kidding, right?



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @CouponArmyWife Do you really, honestly, personally know moms of young babies who sleep in til 10? I call bullshit.



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        lol…actually I do know of one personally, my low life cousin, I wanted to knock her out. I never talk to her anymore either. I have also read and hear of others, I know it’s bull shit and it’s not right, but those are the ones that just don’t care. Trust me, I have told a couple of them off, but it’s pointless, they are going to do what they want. @lisatlantic @CouponArmyWife



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @CouponArmyWife These people you know must not have other kids. I have two kids in school. Nobody around here is sleeping until 10 am. I have to drag everyone out of the house to me to get my oldest to school every single morning.



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          Like I mentioned, My cousin for one, but the others, I have known in the past or read online. One couple in particular about 25yrs ago, they would keep their kids up until Midnight. I asked them why and they said, so they, as the parents, can sleep in. Of course I didn’t agree with their parenting, but that was their business. I grew up in a schedule home, strict mom. But I learned great morals. My children have good morals too. I’m just glad I’m done though…lol..Now I “can” sleep in, but sleeping in for me is 6:30am. That’s when my dogs get up and want to be fed and taken out…lol

          @TheFeministBreeder



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @CouponArmyWife@TheFeministBreeder My husband works the evening shift and doesn’t get home till after midnight. My 3 month old and myself usually wait up for him and we all go to bed together. Then she sleeps for 12 hours on average, just stiring slightly to feed and returning imediately back to sleep when finushed. It’s been like that since she was 1 week old. I don’t see how that is being selfish at all. She sleeps, we sleep and everyone is happy. Sometimes she is ready for bed earlier and sometimes she is ready to get up earlier so that is what we do. Don’t be jelous just because that wasn’t what your children did or how your family functioned. “Sleeping in” doesn’t make you a horrible parent.



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @CouponArmyWife If the parents stay up until late and keep the kid up until late, and then they all sleep late, that IS their schedule. just because it’s not YOUR schedule doesn’t make it defective. If it works for them, then it works. I believe it was Dr. Sears who said (paraphrased) that the best sleep solution is the one that allows the most people in the family to get the best sleep. Or to put it the way my doctor did, what a baby needs most is a happy, well-rested mommy.And I just adore how you’re equating a sleep schedule approved by you to whether or not the kids have good morals? You really ARE a piece of work.



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        @lisatlantic@CouponArmyWife Whats with all the hate!? My son went to bed at 9pm, woke at 12am, 3am, 6am, and woke for the day at 9am. He cut out the 3am, then the other two by 2 monthish. He’s 5 now and still sleeps until 9am. Not all families and children live on the same schedule…..



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        @lisatlantic @CouponArmyWife my daughter goes to bed at 8 every night and sleeps in until 9:30 or 10 each day, so I have the opportunity to do so myself. Granted I work nights, and do school work each night so I am up until 1-2am working on school, work, and my side crochet business. I got lucky with a girl that sleeps through the night on her own and likes to sleep in. So, some of us are on a schedule AND get to sleep in, and are NOT “selfish”. Just lucky.



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @lisatlantic @CouponArmyWife and by the way, she ALSO takes 2, 1-2 hour naps each day :) I have a wonderful sleeper.



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          That’s awesome. See I actually like your schedule. I would put mine to bed around 7-7:30pm and they would wake up around 6:30-7:00am. I wanted the me time, to get stuff done that needed, like laundry or house cleaning. And the 2 naps is great. Mine took those naps as well. It used to be that kids needed 16hrs of sleep per 24hrs. Not sure what they say these days though. I’m not sure if you are referring to me about the selfish part, but I never said it was selfish, it was someone else..lol..just in case. I still to this day am up at the crack of dawn, but that’s just me. I like to get everything I can, done early so I have the rest of the day to do what ever and what ever may come up. I also do couponing (as u can c from my ID name) That takes a lot of time. And I do Mystery Shopping as well. But I remember those earlier years of being a Single mom and doing what you do, working into the night on stuff. @Blynn08



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @CouponArmyWife No, not you :) I saw it was someone else :) I like the schedule, but I’m feeling bad for my mom, who babysits at night. I guess my daughter has been refusing to sleep until close to 9 each night now. Time to start waking her in the morning, I suppose, and hope it fixes things for her :)



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @CouponArmyWife I’ll pass. I don’t know a single mother who actually sleeps till 10am. Wants to? OMG Yes but will that ever happen? Not likely. Not even with a child who sleeps through the night.



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        @SunnyMamaof3 I’m lucky enough to sleep in until 9:30-10am almost every day, and I am a single mom to a 10 month old. She likes sleeping in as much as I do, and since I work nights, it’s a serious streak of luck for me.. :)



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @Blynn08@SunnyMamaof3 I meant it as like you are forcefully making your child stay up late you know? Like you are lazy/selfish etc. Like was stated above. I too used to work nights and remember my schedule was completely different from everyone else’s. I loved it.



  34. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    I agree with the schedule bit–we let our son decide his own schedule, and we’re doing the same with the next one due in April. Its much easier to adapt to a baby’s patterns than it is getting a baby to adapt to the parents. I think its selfish of parents to expect their young babies to sleep through the night. Hell, I don’t even sleep through the night every time. Those that claim to have 3 months old who sleep through the night are really just lying and frustrating those of us who DON’T lie about it.



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @kjruden Not always. My first son slept all the way through the night (10 hours) staring at SIX WEEKS old. I’ve written about it for years. He was also formula-fed, unlike my two others. My second son slept mostly through the night by 3 months old, only waking up once or twice to eat. He was exclusively breastfed. My daughter (pictured above) is also exclusively breastfed, and USED to sleep well at night, but won’t now.But seriously, honestly, I absolutely DID have a baby that slept all the way through the night at six weeks old and has done the same ever since then. It does happen. Just not often, apparently.



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        Hahah! I just read your reply TFB…lol..See even you have kids that sleep/slept through the night. I don’t understand why some of these women have to bash out and cause drama and call names. Cracks me up..lol @TheFeministBreeder @kjruden



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          My first daughter slept through the night starting the day before my maternity leave was up at 12 weeks. My second daughter is 10 months old and still doesn’t sleep through the night. And since they share a room, our first born no longer sleeps through the night either! :) The only thing different with our second is that my husband is unemployed so the girls are home with him during the day instead of being carted off to daycare like my first daughter was when she was this age. @CouponArmyWife @TheFeministBreeder @kjruden



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @CouponArmyWife@TheFeministBreeder@kjruden I wasn’t bashing, nor was I calling anyone out specifically. It was a general comment. @CouponArmyWife



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @kjruden@CouponArmyWife@TheFeministBreeder I must be another liar who’s only out to frustrate people (muahahaha) because my first son slept through the night at six weeks and my second son slept through the night at five weeks. Of course, they both started night waking again when teething set in.



      • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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        @TheFeministBreeder@kjruden Same here! My kid was born May 4 2010 and slept 6 hours the Friday of Memorial Day weekend. By 2 weeks later, she was sleeping 10 hours, and she’s slept at least that ever since, except one night when we were all sick with a horrible intestinal virus, and one night when she woke screaming for no reason we could find, but quieted and went back to sleep in half an hour. And I’ve always followed her lead completely on sleep… no idea how she’s such a good sleeper, but I certainly don’t fool myself thinking it has anythign to do with me! When we go for #2, we’ll probably get a nightmare and call it karma!



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @fuingala@TheFeministBreeder@kjruden My daughter slept so well the doctors insisted I wake her up every 3 hours to feed her so I had to set the alarm clock otherwise I don’t know how long she would have slept. She was 2 months premature and they didn’t want her to miss a meal. Now on the other hand she is almost 2 and she still wakes up at night.



        • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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          @DonnaForbes@fuingala@TheFeministBreeder@kjruden This happened to me too. Well, mine was only 4 weeks early but she was sleeping so much in the early days I was told to use an alarm clock to wake us to nurse. It started a terrible trend that lasted until she was 5. FIVE. She was five when she learned to sleep through the night!! I learned my lesson. With #2 (also 4 weeks early) I never woke my sleeping baby. Too bad that one is a light sleeper and wakes at everything. At almost 2 she’s still up 3-4 times a night.



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      I wasn’t selfish and I think it’s good to have them on a schedule, but just my opinion. My babies DID sleep through the night. You can call me a liar all you want. I know the truth. I’m not saying they did every single night, but for the most part they did. My first child slept thru the whole night at 2 weeks old. I don’t really care if you believe me or not, you weren’t there. Just because your kids don’t doesn’t mean anyone elses doesn’t or hasn’t @kjruden



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @kjruden Nope. My 6 month old really has been sleeping through from that young. I have no reason to lie, I’ll willingly admit that my first son slept horribly and continues to do so to this day (he’s 2.5). But yup, my second baby has been a dream baby with no dramas at night at all.



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @kjruden my daughter slept through the night at 3 1/2 WEEKS. It scared me half to death at first when I woke up the next morning after a full nights sleep (8pm-8:30am when I woke her up), but she did it every might until 9 months. She woke up every night for a month, and is now 10 1/2 months and sleeping through the night again. I got extremely lucky with my daughter. She even sleeps in until 9:30 every day so I have a chance to get things done before she’s up for the day. But trust me, I definitely am not lying about her sleeping habits! I’m extremely grateful for them though!!



    • VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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      @kjruden hahaha well you’ll hate my story then.. My daughter slept trough the night every night from 3 weeks up til 9 months. She woke up once a night each for a month, and is now 10 months and back to sleeping through. And when I say sleeping through the night, I mean the first time it happened she slept from 8pm-8:30am when I woke her up. She slept every day from 7pm-8am every day after that, and now sleeps in until 9:30am or later. And she naps 2 times during the day. I got REALLY lucky with her!!! And no, I’m not lying, either! She is my 10 month old smartie.. Also says please and thank you, more please, and about 15 other words and short phrases.



  35. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My Nov 2010 model was a perfect example of what a baby should be. Until just after her first birthday… typically, just out of the 12 month warranty period.

    Sleep is now a forgotten function.



  36. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    lol! Our 2004 model was comparatively pretty good. She didn’t sleep through the whole night at 6 months or anything but still: I couldn’t understand what everyone was whinging about……….. then, the 2007 model arrived and if ANYONE tried to give me advice I was ready to KILL. Put simply: all children are different. My sister-in-laws kids go to bed at 6.30pm and sleep ’til they’re woken up the next day. They’re older now but even as babies they were annoying like that. :)



  37. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Oh my god, this totally explains what’s happening with my baby! :) I need that kit ASAP! :)

    S.



  38. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    My July 2009 male model was broken for almost 10 months. One morning I woke after the first stretch of sleep in almost a year and found him sleeping on his belly. I thought my model had died, but apparently he had learned to activate his own GTFTS (and stay asleep) switch. Of course I was worried about the whole belly sleeping thing for a few weeks but I got over it



  39. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Any word on when the recall will be expanded? My 2007 model has the same issue (& several more).



  40. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    I think they were also given the module that makes them fight sleep all day until you’re five minutes from home, when they finally go right to sleep!



  41. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Do you know if 1991 is in that list of recalled years?



  42. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    I wish there WAS a 24 hotline/party-line for those 3am rants you want to make as a parent of a non-sleeping baby.



  43. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    It has been a loooong running problem. Model 1993 for me was an issue in that department. And the dual models 1998 had the problem of the MILLISECOND model A went to sleep, model B would wake up. Now the 2008 model seemed to have the upgrade and slept through the night from the moment it came home from the hospital. But unfortunately the Dad of the manufacturing process did not head the warning label of “do NOT bring this baby into the bed and let him sleep there for the night, otherwise you will NEVER get him to leave.” And thus the 2008 model has a nice pillow set up in between the Mom and Dad manufacturers—still.



  44. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    A bottle of Tequilla? No, too stimulating. A bottle of wine, a shot gun in case I get the urge to off myself, and a T-SHIRT that ‘I went to Lakeside memorial hospital went into 26 hrs. of labor, and all I got was this lousy, sleepless baby.’ LMAO. I AM JUST KIDDING:) But I like to throw out a good joke like the best of them. This is hysterical.

    Only because I have raised kids old enough to be teens, and one is..one is in the sky right now, trust me, you forget most of it. It’s like God gives you a few ‘block outs’. I guess only former or current bartenders or people who have tried ’em would know what I am referring to…ha ha.

    Shel



  45. momentsofexhilaration | Profile
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    All I’m going to say is: Model Year 2010 was also defective! Baby girl didn’t sleep for months. Like EVER! Love this post :)



  46. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Great piece of writing! I think all models have been defective at some stage!



  47. VA:R_U [1.9.22_1171]
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    Very cute little baby… Nice article, I enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing the information.



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    Huh, my February 2011 model is definitely not missing that function! It’s now 10:00am and she is still sleeping (and went to sleep at 8 last night). And I can almost guarantee she will have 2 naps today, too. She slept for 10-12 hours or so each night at 3 1/2 weeks all the way til 9 months, woke up once a night for a month and is now back to sleeping all night (now 10 months old). She must have gotten a super version of that switch installed! Such an amazing girl.. Also crawled at 4 1/2 months, and is almost walking now.. And can say around 15 words and short phrases. I just got extremely lucky she must have been missing the “go head down for birthing” switch though, because she was a breech c-section baby (and she’s my first and only… I’m a single mom, no more for me for a LONG LONG time, if ever.. I hated having that c-section too much)



  49. BrendaWrightRockamann | Profile
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    Funny as a baby born in 1960 the switch must not have been installed that year either, LOL I still am wide awake at 3am!!!!!!!!!! I come alive about 9pm my peak hits about 2 am . I was born in the middle of the night and my clock has never reset. It sucks. Mainly because society can;t accept my weird hours, great if you are a vampire. But I sure do know what you are talking about. Great blog!



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    My 2011 model is defective. Up constantly throughout the night and whines all day (it’s like a screeching, grating noise… very annoying). Thanks for the laughs!



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    Interesting.

    I never trusted Stork Inc. – My family has always invested in the high-end, heavy-weight models and their distribution system seemed just a little fragile and possibly prone to seasonal unavailability. I got my 2005 model from Cabbage Patch Enterprises plc, a local organic co-op which guaranteed year-round delivery.

    I have to say the 2005 model was remarkably trouble-free during the three-year warranty period. However, a week after it was up, the unit developed what we eventually identified as the Night Terrors trojan. Once we began using the Cuddling and Shushing update, in conjunction with the temporary Sleeping In Our Bed patch, that seemed to reboot the system and restore the factory defaults.

    Unfortunately, over the past year, the unit has started making this irritating noise, which an experienced hacker known only as Granny says is a non-recoverable fault called ‘whining’. Apparently, this is likely to continue indefinitely, as many of the parts required to fix it, such as the Clip Round The Ear or Something to Really Cry About, have been withdrawn from the market due to concerns about their safety in the hands of inexperienced users, and replacement technologies like the market-leading TimeOut and the less well-known Removal of Privileges are of dubious efficacy, and may, according to some sources, cause unwanted effects in the long-term, particularly the dreaded Younger Generation. Others, like the oft-touted Grounding, are still limited to Region 1, and while I would try unlocking this, it’s unlikely to work as the model’s installed in the Middle of Nowhere, so Grounding is moot. All we can do is hope that Universe unltd.’s research into the Karmic Kick Up The Arse technology bears fruit, though they say it may be 20 or more years in development as it has to be tuned to the individual consumer.

    If the model had a trade-in value, I’d be tempted to return it for an up-to-date model, but unfortunately Cabbage Patch Enterprises plc. was recently taken over by Divorced Menopausal Mother, Inc., a multinational asset-stripping company…



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      @Richeal This is BRILLIANT. Seriously.I, like the mama below a few comments, got an upgraded model. She’s also 10 months old and about to walk, sleeps through the night since like 10-12 weeks, and is saying a few words (no phrases tho). I am more than aware how very lucky we are… But we know from friends with the defective model and so we feel their and your pain! :)



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    Sorry to hear about the Stork Inc. 2011 Models, it’s a shame this company just couldn’t get it together. I am very pleased with my Gift of God 2011 Model, she has been a great blessing and sleeps from 9PM until 8:00AM just as our 2009 Model does. I would recommend switching companies in the future. I would however warn that the Gift of God Models tend to have limited fear, which can lead to minor falls, bumps and bruises quite frequently. We had to install a Thudguard on our 2011 Model because she is just too mobile and fearless.



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      OMG…LMBO! 😀 yours is the funnies reply I have read yet….I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants @RuralMama



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      LMBO off also – your was by far the BEST reply! I would have to agree that we too got all three of our Models from the Gift of God Corporation. The newest model 2011 has also been a blessing and all parts seem to be working wonderfully by sleeping 10 hours a night. I really think that the Stork Inc. 2011 should look into the reason why the Gift of God Corporation works so well…maybe it has to do with faith, hope but more importantly LOVE! @RuralMama



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