My feminism aches from the nastiness I see women throwing at other women, especially on the internet. People say things to other people they would never dream of saying to their face. And I’m not just talking about the disagreements – it’s okay to disagree, healthy even.
But WHAT is with the name calling?!! Seriously, are we 12? The name calling starts when you disagree (whether directly or indirectly) with a person’s sentiment, and they turn around and hurl insults and expletives at you instead of formulating a respectful (or at least mature) response.
And the bullying? The bullying occurs when someone doesn’t like something you’ve said, and they write entire blog posts dedicated to what a horrible, stupid person you are, then post links all over any relevant site in an effort to persuade their network of “friends” to come to your blog and harass you along with them.
And my god, the stalking?! Stalking occurs every time we hang around someone’s space who we do not like at all, and have no business even reading. I mean really – if you don’t like the author, what in the world are you doing reading her thoughts? That’s just twisted. Either you’re looking for ammo or you’re a masochist. Either way, not good.
I’ve seen this behavior out of females from early on in my childhood. Attending 26 different schools between K-12th grade meant I was always the new kid, and we all know how new kids get treated. Being poor as hell, having bright, firey red hair, and developing quicker than the other girls made me an especially obvious target. I left school crying many days over the torture I received. One day, after the bullies told me I smelled bad, I shoplifted a stick of deodorant from the local convenience store because my grandparents didn’t have any money to buy me any. And because thievery is not in my nature, I cried the whole way home and promised myself I’d never, ever steal again, no matter what bitch said I stank.
As a result of that treatment, and the nightly beatings I got growing up, I have always been an outspoken advocate for people who are getting treated like crap. When I was in high school, I often came to the aid of girls getting bullied. While the other Mean Girls would stand around the locker room yelling insults at the poor freshmen girls for nothing more than the crime of being younger, I’d stand in the middle and tell those Mean Girls that their behavior was hurtful, and I’d tell the freshmen girls that the Mean Girls were just jealous and immature. Veronica Arreola recently described me on twitter as a feminist who “supports mamas w/a vengeance!”
Damn straight.
Some people – people who don’t know me well – assume that my firey, outspoken nature means that I’m one of those Mean Women. But people who know me see that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I am a compassionate, empathetic, loyal, caring person who simply cannot tolerate the injustice I see in the world. There is a major difference between being the Bully, and being the Person who fights back ferociously on behalf of the victim. I don’t like this Mean Girl behavior, and I won’t take it laying down, whether it’s directed at me, one of my friends, or even a total stranger who I’m merely sympathetic to.
But of course that comes with a cost. This makes some people think that it’s okay to say hateful, awful things to me.
When I stuck up for a homebirth mom who lost her baby, @JessicaGotlieb called me a “raging asshole” and implied that I was stupid. I’m not surprised after the article she wrote about the poor, homebirthing mother. And you guys know how I feel about women who deny that birth rape can exist. *shaking my head*
When I told Elita @blacktating on twitter that I wasn’t going to let her bully me, she called me a “nasty bitch” and a “racist” in response. I guess it really upset her that I wasn’t going to participate in her attack on me.
But I’m just embarrassed for them. No matter how many double birds I’ve thrown at my computer, I don’t make it a habit of publicly attacking a fellow woman like that, especially without any direct provocation. Especially not someone in my tiny, close-knit community of mom bloggers, activists, or advocates.
This infighting has GOT to stop. I’m not saying we should all agree, because we most certainly should not. As responsible, thinking women, it is our responsibility to debate the issues and work on the scary solutions. But, please, if you’re hanging around the blog of someone you hate, close the damn window and walk away now. Or, If you’re tempted to repost somebody’s words all over the internet in order to drum up hatred for some person who couldn’t care less about you, just cut it the fuck out. That’s nutcase behavior. And, if you’re one of these women who thinks that name calling on Twitter (or your blog, or a comments section) won’t come back to haunt you – I’d like to let you know I’ll be at BlogHer ’10 this year. Come say that shit to my face. I triple dog dare you.
Let’s get it together, ladies. We are grown ass women.
Ahh bullying in adulthood. I'm glad there are others who see how ridiculous it is. Like Shabby74, I was not long ago victim to some facebook bitching from someone who I thought was a close friend. Instead of coming to me with the problems she had with me, she chose to hide her wall from me and proceeded to post childish bitchy comments to everyone else.
Are we 12 or something?
Needless to say we are no longer friends but what happened to the "if I've got a problem with you I'll tell you" approach instead of all this stupidity? Sometimes I feel like I'm a different world to everyone else...
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