I waited for this book. I was excited about this book. I ordered it from Amazon in the first week it was published. I couldn’t wait to devour it, have an expected good chuckle, and praise it all over my site.
Then – I read it.
Let me be clear here: I really like this author. Kristen Chase helped me a lot in the beginning of my blogging days, and what I’m going to write next pains me a great deal. I wrote Kristen privately on facebook and asked her to be interviewed on my blog about some of the statements she made in this book, but she’s a busy girl and really wasn’t interested. So I’m going to have to try on my own to be as fair as I can about a book that made my VBACtivist blood boil.
I thought we had enough mainstream mommy authors giving us really uneducated advice about the supposed magical powers of epidurals and cesareans, but apparently there is room for one more. I know Mominatrix thought she was being funny and clever when telling pregnant women to “save your cash for more useful items, like an epidural” but as a natural birth advocate, I find that statement highly problematic. Actually, as a feminist I find that statement highly problematic. Why must authors assume that their readers cannot handle labor, and suggest they save up for drugs before they even feel the first contraction? Are we not selling our sisters a little short?
But it’s a flippant book, Gina! What’s the harm?
Well, I’ve got a nice sized uterine scar on my belly right now thanks in part to a flippant mommy advice book like this one. When I first found myself pregnant, I was just like the vast majority of pregnant American women who never get truly informed about the birth process, and instead spend their pregnancies watching “A Baby Story” and reading Jenny McCarthy books. I got my hands on “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy” by Vicki Iovine, which told me that Lamaze was useless, as were all other birthing classes, and what I really needed to focus on was how quickly I could get the epidural.
Yeah – I got the epidural. The epidural that only went down half my body, that caused me uncontrollable shaking, that shut down my labor, that necessitated more pitocin, which put my baby in distress, which then necessitated a nice, traumatic cesarean surgery. Yep. That epidural. I’m so glad I saved my money for that epidural, instead of a birth class which would have informed me of the potential risks to my epidural decision.
Not everyone has my experience though. Obviously Mominatrix didn’t. But far, far too many women DO have that experience, and it is just one of the contributing factors to a major cesarean epidemic in this country.
But Mominatrix doesn’t seem to think that a cesarean is such a bad thing because, according to her, a cesarean means a baby didn’t come through your vagina and wreck it. She complains that birth causes irreparable damage to the vagina and
“Quite frankly, women who have not had a vaginal birth will probably not experience as much of a change as those who have shot a baby or two out of their vag. Consider yourselves lucky, you c-section bitches.”
She also says,
“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you’ve birthed a few seven or eight pounders your vagina will not return to its trim and virginal state without some effort. And even then, it still might be somewhat of a lost cause.”
I would like to let unsuspecting mothers know that I’ve birthed a nearly 10 lb baby, and my vagina is just fine. Actually, my husband calls it “perfect” (on the internet, even!), and I feel sorry for any woman who’s married to a man who expects his wife’s vagina to look “virginal.” Marry better, ladies. I’m sure he doesn’t look the same as you met him either, and you’re not requiring penis surgery over it.
I tell you what really ruined my libido and my self esteem for a really long time were the debilitating, bleeding, excruciating, almost-required-another-surgery-to-fix hemorrhoids I suffered through after my cesarean, which were caused by the way they piled all my intestines back in my body (that’s right, did you know they pull all your insides out of your abdomen during a cesarean?) Now THAT is sexy.
You know what DOES cause damaged vaginas though? Episiotomies, poor birthing positions (like the flat-on-back position so many ignorant medpros push women into), purple pushing (pushing when told to, instead of when your body wants to), and many other avoidable, outdated obstetric practices.
What I want people to get out of this is the understanding that these birth interventions so flippantly recommended in this book come with real risks, and real consequences that should never be left out of the conversation. No, you should NOT be getting your birthing advice from a funny, tongue-in-cheek Mommy sex advice book – but that also begs the question why it’s there to begin with.
I can only hope that the women who read those types of problematic statements are also smart enough to pick up a copy of Birthing from Within
Have you read ? Will you? What do you think about the statements made? Talk to me…
**I cannot express this enough, so let me reiterate: I have nothing against Kristen Chase, her blog, or her work. I hope you (and she) understand that this article was not meant as any personal attack on her, but merely a rebuttal of the problematic statements made in her book. I encourage you to be respectful in your comments. Let’s debate the issue and the sentiments, and not the author herself.
UPDATE: I hoped that Mominatrix would see the pain she caused and offer mothers a heartfelt apology, but instead, she went on her radio show and made the typical “you-have-a-healthy-baby-so-get-over-it” comments, which of course discounts the many women who suffer serious physical & emotional trauma from their cesareans, or epidural-complicated births. Stay strong ladies, many of us DO care about your experience. You are not alone.
Excellent post. We're not in 100% agreement about everything (who ever is in complete agreement with someone else?), but you're definitely well-spoken, well-read, and passionate. Aside from that...Thank you, my friend, for bringing up the hemorrhoids thing. I got them first during my first child's birth, probably because my doctor completely ignored my wishes, as well as those of my midwife/doula and husband (we'd tried for a home birth, but I had PIH and my midwife judged me too high-risk to birth at home in the end). Yup, flat on my back, pitocin, an attempted episiotomy (my husband actually physically stopped the doctor from cutting me, after the doctor brushed off their protests). Then, after my twins' C-section six years later, they got worse, and have never gotten better. I'm contemplating surgery, almost nine years later, because it's caused immeasurable pain and suffering, as well as other health problems. It's embarrassing and sad, and literally a pain in the ass. Thank you for mentioning it, because it's something I think many, many moms suffer through silently, because they don't feel comfortable talking about stuff like that.
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