The topic of leaving kids in cars has been on my mind a lot lately. A few weeks ago, I linked an article on Facebook about a mom who got jailed for leaving her kids in her car while she got her nails done. Now, call me judgmental, but that just seems like a big fat parenting DON’T. I would never leave my children in a car while I went into a building and ran errands or got a manicure. Not in this lifetime. I am the type of parent who wouldn’t even leave my kids in the car while I went in to pay for gas. If there’s no Pay-At-The-Pump, I won’t stop for gas. I’m paranoid.
However, my guardians (whoever-it-may-have-been-at-the-time) left me in the car all the time as a child. In fact, once, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, my grandparents left me in a hot car for so long that I let myself out and went in search of them. I didn’t find them in the Kmart, and when I came out, our van was gone. They had come out while I was in the store, didn’t realize I had gotten out of the car, and went home without me. This sort of thing wasn’t entirely unusual – they are flighty – so I just waited for them to come back and get me. I know… I also wonder how I made it through childhood without DCFS putting me in foster care.
But didn’t this happen to us all? Weren’t we all left in cars as kids? I never can tell what is “normal” for a childhood since mine was the stuff that Sundance-Award-Winning screenplays are made of. I usually tend to assume that whatever seemingly illogical non-parenting my guardians did with me was just another product of my white-trash upbringing, and not the way that respectable, loving parents took care of their kids. But I don’t know – maybe most people of my generation, and the generation before, were left in cars?
Whatever the answer, we know now that it’s illegal. But to what extent?
When I talked about this on Facebook, whilst I was judging the mother for doing what she did, I admitted that during the frigid winter months, I left Julesy in the warm car when dropping Jonas off at preschool. To set up that scenario, understand that his preschool is actually a tiny recreation building at our local park. The parking lot holds 10 cars, and is no bigger than many suburban driveways. We, the parents, are not allowed inside the school – we’re not even allowed up the steps (I actually got scolded by the evil teacher last week for letting Julesy walk on the steps.) So, I would pull up the car, leave the keys in the ignition with the car running, grab Jonas, throw his backpack on, and walk him the 15 steps to the door. Julesy was never out of my sight, and never more than throwing distance away. In fact, if I’m in my kitchen at home, and the kids are playing in their room, they are farther away from me than I ever was to Julesy while dropping Jonas off at school.
BUT - most (not all) of the other parents at Jonas’s school DO pull their other children out of the car and walk the whole family up to the door. I never really understood why. It seems like a colossal waste of time and energy to me, and I see no reason to expose Child #2 to the elements. I’m paranoid – but not that paranoid.
However, when I talked about this on Facebook, I did have one mother imply that I’m asking for my son’s certain death by doing this. Some other parents mentioned that there are laws in most states that prohibit a child of a certain age being left in a car for any amount of time whatsoever. And after reading the (totally unrelated yet horrifyingly sad) stories of the parents who accidentally left their children in cars to die, I can’t help but wonder if my laissez faire attitude about the pre-school situation has put me in the running for Worst Parent of the Year. Could I actually have gone to jail over that? I have no idea – but if so, then one or two other moms at Jonas’s preschool are headed for jail too.
I’m generally of the opinion that if you feel guilty over something, don’t do it. I think guilt is our own internal meter telling us that we need to consider our actions a bit more carefully. So, I considered, and now I pull Julesy out of the car every time I drop Jonas off. I’m not convinced that it’s necessary, but I suppose I’d rather just do it and not feel that nagging on my conscious.
So, let’s discuss. Are there any situations in which you feel that it is okay to leave your child in the car for a few seconds? Or do you pull your kids out of the car and hold them while you’re pumping gas? I’m dying to hear other mom’s opinions on this to find out if I’m too paranoid, or too relaxed.
My husband deployed this year and we have three kids (at the time 5, 2 and 2 months). I did a lot of leaving in the car when I got gas, had to run into the store and get milk, pick or drop something off, etc. I did go into buildings when I knew I would be quick. Many people would think I was terrible for it, but I had to do it for my sanity. I had no help for these sorts of things, and it was snowing half of the time he was gone. I would put something fun on the stereo for the kids, like a book on CD, and tell them I'd be right back. I of course left the car on and heat or air depending on the weather. The only reason I ever felt guilty over what I was doing was because of the potential to have to explain myself to nosy onlookers or by some crazy change law enforcement. That did worry me some, but I was pretty infuriated that I didn't have the right to make those choices for myself without worrying about someone else telling me I was horrible for it.
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