The topic of leaving kids in cars has been on my mind a lot lately. A few weeks ago, I linked an article on Facebook about a mom who got jailed for leaving her kids in her car while she got her nails done. Now, call me judgmental, but that just seems like a big fat parenting DON’T. I would never leave my children in a car while I went into a building and ran errands or got a manicure. Not in this lifetime. I am the type of parent who wouldn’t even leave my kids in the car while I went in to pay for gas. If there’s no Pay-At-The-Pump, I won’t stop for gas. I’m paranoid.
However, my guardians (whoever-it-may-have-been-at-the-time) left me in the car all the time as a child. In fact, once, when I was about 5 or 6 years old, my grandparents left me in a hot car for so long that I let myself out and went in search of them. I didn’t find them in the Kmart, and when I came out, our van was gone. They had come out while I was in the store, didn’t realize I had gotten out of the car, and went home without me. This sort of thing wasn’t entirely unusual – they are flighty – so I just waited for them to come back and get me. I know… I also wonder how I made it through childhood without DCFS putting me in foster care.
But didn’t this happen to us all? Weren’t we all left in cars as kids? I never can tell what is “normal” for a childhood since mine was the stuff that Sundance-Award-Winning screenplays are made of. I usually tend to assume that whatever seemingly illogical non-parenting my guardians did with me was just another product of my white-trash upbringing, and not the way that respectable, loving parents took care of their kids. But I don’t know – maybe most people of my generation, and the generation before, were left in cars?
Whatever the answer, we know now that it’s illegal. But to what extent?
When I talked about this on Facebook, whilst I was judging the mother for doing what she did, I admitted that during the frigid winter months, I left Julesy in the warm car when dropping Jonas off at preschool. To set up that scenario, understand that his preschool is actually a tiny recreation building at our local park. The parking lot holds 10 cars, and is no bigger than many suburban driveways. We, the parents, are not allowed inside the school – we’re not even allowed up the steps (I actually got scolded by the evil teacher last week for letting Julesy walk on the steps.) So, I would pull up the car, leave the keys in the ignition with the car running, grab Jonas, throw his backpack on, and walk him the 15 steps to the door. Julesy was never out of my sight, and never more than throwing distance away. In fact, if I’m in my kitchen at home, and the kids are playing in their room, they are farther away from me than I ever was to Julesy while dropping Jonas off at school.
BUT - most (not all) of the other parents at Jonas’s school DO pull their other children out of the car and walk the whole family up to the door. I never really understood why. It seems like a colossal waste of time and energy to me, and I see no reason to expose Child #2 to the elements. I’m paranoid – but not that paranoid.
However, when I talked about this on Facebook, I did have one mother imply that I’m asking for my son’s certain death by doing this. Some other parents mentioned that there are laws in most states that prohibit a child of a certain age being left in a car for any amount of time whatsoever. And after reading the (totally unrelated yet horrifyingly sad) stories of the parents who accidentally left their children in cars to die, I can’t help but wonder if my laissez faire attitude about the pre-school situation has put me in the running for Worst Parent of the Year. Could I actually have gone to jail over that? I have no idea – but if so, then one or two other moms at Jonas’s preschool are headed for jail too.
I’m generally of the opinion that if you feel guilty over something, don’t do it. I think guilt is our own internal meter telling us that we need to consider our actions a bit more carefully. So, I considered, and now I pull Julesy out of the car every time I drop Jonas off. I’m not convinced that it’s necessary, but I suppose I’d rather just do it and not feel that nagging on my conscious.
So, let’s discuss. Are there any situations in which you feel that it is okay to leave your child in the car for a few seconds? Or do you pull your kids out of the car and hold them while you’re pumping gas? I’m dying to hear other mom’s opinions on this to find out if I’m too paranoid, or too relaxed.
Being a mother who has lost 2 children (not to an accident such as this, but to a genetic disease), I seem to be overly paranoid when it comes to topics like this. I could probably win the "Most paranoid/overlycareful mother of the year award." Even though the chances are minutely slim that anything would happen to my healthy 6 year old in a car for 30 seconds, I just don't risk it because I know what it feels like to love someone more than life then have them ripped away. I know the hurt that will be in my heart until the day that I die. What if someone busted that window and kidnapped my child, or the gas station was "held up" while I was inside. Also, by leaving the keys in the ignition, my very smart and busy 6 year old may think "I'll be like mommy and "play drive'" What if? Probably, most of us could go through life leaving our child in the car and nothing would ever happen... but it only takes that one time that it went wrong. I know for me, even if it is pain in the butt to bring my child into the store even when it is zero out and snowing, it is worth the peace of mind knowing that I did everything in my power to keep him safe. There are lots of sick people out these days and it is unimagineable what they are capable of!
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