I almost saw the inside of one yesterday, all because of two totally psychotic U.S. Airways flight attendant bitches.

U.S. Airways sucks, and they have no business in the "friendly" skies. Let me tell you why.

We showed up to Charles de Gualle airport hours early for our flight, just to find the U.S. Airways ticket counter so backed up that the line stretched half way across the airport. I don’t know what when wrong, but it made our entire flight delayed; that’s how long we were standing in line.

So we finally get to the ticket counter, and they fucked up our seats so John and I would end up sitting 8 rows away from each other for the 9 hour flight. I explained to the woman that our tickets had us seated together and she said not to worry because "the people upstairs" will fix it. Now listen here. I’m pregnant, extremely nauseated on airplanes, and constantly needing to get up for the bathroom. I’m NOT sitting next to a total stranger on a cramped, shitty little U.S. Airways plane for 9 effing hours. I need my soon-to-be-husband next to me through my sickness and discomfort.

Okay, so we get upstairs only to be rushed through security and directly onto the plane because, like I said, that’s how bad U.S. Airways had fucked up. The whole flight was taking off late because of the ticket counter problems they were having.

So I asked somebody at the gate to fix our seat and she passed the buck onto the flight attendants. So when I got on the airplane, I tried to ask the flight attendant to help me and she got totally shitty and said "if they didn’t help you, I’m not helping you either." So this is where I started to lose it. I walked away and said something to the effect of "this airline sucks" and this bitch grabbed me by the arm and tried to throw me off the plane. So I turned around and kept walking to my seat.

I get down to John’s seat and I try to start putting my shoes on (they rushed us through so quickly I still hadn’t put my shoes back on since the security checkpoint). I’m bitching to John about how totally unaccomodating the airline has been and some other stupid bitch overhears me and comes up yelling in my face and trying to grab our plane tickets out of John’s hand! She was totally causing a scene and acting like a lunatic, but has the fucking nerve to try to act like I’m the one assualting her.

So, I got her to shut up long enough to explain that I’m pregnant, tired, and not about to listen to her bullshit. Well, the minute I said I was pregnant, her face changed. THEN, she started trying to act like she had come to the back of the plane to try to HELP me, and that I had attacked her. What a fucking psycho. She still kept causing a scene and trying to rip the tickets out of John’s hand.

So, John, being the mediator that he is, finally got her to give us two seats together and to leave us alone. Then later, when he decided that he wanted to contact the airline to talk about how badly they had treated me, he tried to get the first flight attendants name. The dumb bitch refused to give it to him. REFUSED! Maybe because she knew she had acted like a total cunt? Yes, probably.

Let me just say, for the record, that these two bitches were AMERICAN. The only people that were rude to us in France were AMERICAN.

So anyway, besides the totally shitty airplanes and the pilots who don’t even know what kind of plane they’re flying (that’s a whole separate story), U.S. Airways will NEVER see our business again, if only for the psychotic flight attendants they hire.

I swear, if the thought of missing my wedding and/or John missing work hadn’t come into my mind while that stupid bitch was yelling at me, I would have knocked her the fuck out. But, I’m sure that would have landed me in a French prison, and I just don’t have any time for that nonsense now.

DO NOT mess with a pregnant woman. She is very, very likely to open a big can of Wupp Ass on you.