Sex is More Fun When It’s Funny

Feb 01st 2010

Tonight I learned some new things about the natural gender selection method we’re trying out.  Instead of just the timing of intercourse, apparently the odds can be swayed by diet, and changing the pH in the woman’s vagina to make it more hospitable to either the XX or XY chromosome sperm – whichever you’re going for.

In my case, we’re trying to get the girl spermies to reach the egg before the boys do.  This means I need to do some things to get my pH more on the acidic side, so the fragile male sperm can’t survive, which leaves the female sperm hanging around waiting for ovulation.

One of the things I have to do is cut out coffee (somebody kill me now) and bananas (they are one of my all-time favorite foods.) I don’t fully understand the extent of this diet yet, but if I find out that I have to stop eating chocolate, then I’m calling the whole damn thing off.  THAT is a deal breaker, my friends.

Oh, and get this – I also found out that if you’re trying for a girl, the woman shouldn’t orgasm during intercourse.  That’s right -  they say having an orgasm during intercourse makes the vaginal environment more hospitable toward the male sperm.

So THAT is why I have two boys?!?  Because I’m cursed with multiple orgasms?  Son-of-a-Mother-Effing-Effer!

Okay, fine.  I can skip a few orgasms if it means keeping my “environment” just right for conceiving a girl. So I tell the husband that I’m going to have to take a few for the team, and he’s (can you believe it?!?!) okay with that.  He’s trying desperately to hide the excitement on his face as I’m standing over the stove, giving him permission to come without me for the first time in 5.5 years, so I say

“But listen pal!  You’re paying me back BIG TIME later in the month!”

And of course, he’s fine with that too.  The funny part is that sex has now become an act of simply depositing sperm where we needs it to be.  This is quite comical to both of us, but alas, once our DVR’d shows were through, HH leans over to take off my pants so we can get the show on the road. This is a whole new feeling for us, and it’s hard not to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of having sex for the sole purpose of impregnation.  We’ve spent most of our adult lives desperately NOT trying to make a baby.

So we’re getting into it, we’re already halfway laughing anyway, so I say to Hyphenated Husband,

“Hey, think GIRL when you spit it in there.”

And he starts howling with laughter.  So now we’re both laughing — still doing it, and laughing.  Then he says,

“Now I’m thinking of Kevin Smith”

And of course!  I mean, who doesn’t think of Kevin Smith when they’re having sex with their hot wife?!  Actually, I bet Kevin Smith would be thrilled to hear that we’re thinking of him during intercourse.  He is one kinky motherfucker.  Then husband says,

“You saying “Spit” made me remember Kevin Smith calling it a Dick Sneeze.”

And the words “Dick Sneeze” send me into hysterics.  So now, we’re having what might be the loudest sex we’ve had in months, but not because both of us are calling to God, but because we’re both cracking up so hard that we (almost) lost our rhythm.

And it was fun.  Sure, I had to sacrifice my orgasm, but it was still probably one of the more memorable sex sessions we’ve had in awhile.  And I know my orgasm isn’t gone forever – it’s just waiting for a time when I don’t have to worry about my damn vaginal pH levels.

I swear, in all my life, I never thought I’d hear myself utter the words “vaginal pH.”

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Well I was millimetres from piddling my pants laughing, but my poor husband was devastated by this one!

I have a son to an old boyfriend, from the worst sex EVER mind you, and 2 girls to my wonderfully talented husband. So now he thinks that either I am faking, or I am so drug-addled (I am on a massive amount of medication for a thyroid condition) that either I dont know what an orgasm feels like, or I cant read properly any more!

If it helps, number one was conceived in the heat of hear of the hormones, and the girls were both conceived after rampant sex every night from the day after my bleeding stopped until that "awww shit" moment.

DD1, hubby was in the army and exposed to radiation on a daily basis (still jealous that he did not go grey when he was supposed to have by now, and I have already!)
DD2 I was also on loads of wonderful medications, so there is another avenue!

On a more serious note, I do wish you all the best of luck, and all I can say is that boys are easier than girls. I love my girls, but my GOD was I that much of a pain in the arse to my mother?!??

http://www.thelaboroflove.com/chart/cal.html

Here is another old-wives-tale (or old Chinese tale) I found. Have not had enough people let me know if it has worked for them. Maybe you could ask, I don’t have enough female friends, and very few of those have children.
I would think though it would add more stress to the timing, “okay honey we are good for girl making for the next 2 months, but then we have to wait 3 months before we can try again.”
They say I am having a girl, which is right as I was 26 in October when I conceived.
This year looks good for you!
.-= Kiani Waters´s last blog ..Bare Foot and Pregnant =-.

This was HILARIOUS.
I have been studying and researching gender swaying for a couple of years now and this year we're taking the plunge! I have an appt to get my IUD out next week and from then on out I'm thinking GIRL GIRL GIRL!!!
:D I'm excited annnnnnnd way nervous lol!
Oh, I wanted to tell you, I ordered my PH strips on ebay and theyre on there way to me. I looked for WIDE RANGE PH Test LITMUS PAPER and was able to score 100 strips for under $6, check it out. This link has helped me a lot!
http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/3584.aspx

I can't wait to hear how your journey ends up, GOOD LUCK! To both of us!! :D
.-= Jimaie´s last blog ..Silliness is next to Godliness... =-.

@Alina All your questions are possibilities after you leave the hospital, too. If women stayed there for a couple weeks after birth instead of a couple days, you might have a point. And women generally leave birth centers even quicker w/no follow-up, unlike a midwife attended home birth.

@Alina - there are no freestanding birth centers in the state of Illinois. Not a single one. There is one "Alternative Birth Center" in my state, which is 2 rooms in a hospital.

Hospital or home are my only two choices. I choose home.

You misunderstand my position on birth issues, and if you read again what I wrote, you heard a lot of things I did not say :) One reason I have enjoyed reading your blog is that I agree birth is over-medicalized, over-instrumented etc of something that should be understood as a natural process. It is only a 'medical event' in the sense that it is one of the (if not THE) riskiest things a young woman goes through, and most certainly her newborn too. If you noticed, I never said a birth should even happen in a hospital! Birthing centers are a wonderful option IMO. I wish we had them in NJ but we don't. I also never said your CNM was not experienced or that she would not monitor your birth closely enough! My only point was that the equipment is not there IN CASE something goes wrong. I shared my experience with my first baby to raise questions like - what if my baby stops breathing after the CNM leaves? what if I don't stop bleeding? what if I throw a clot to my lungs and faint before even being able to call out to my husband? I would never acuse you or anyone else of making such an important decision on reading blogs! And last but not least, I never said you should not have a baby the way nature intended and avoid another scar! Your reply really sounds like I am urging you to have another C or something!!

I am sorry I even posted the comment because it was really taken the wrong way. I wish you and your family the very best :)

@Alina as someone pointed out, these issues are more apt to show up after leaving the hospital than while you are there. My local hospital releases moms within 24hours after a non-complicated birth/post-partum, and doesn't send out a home health nurse for a checkup at any time. A young girl in our community had a non-complicated birth in the hospital, was released, and when she got home, she lay down for a nap with her new baby. When her mother came to check on her, she found her dead from blood-loss.

Most midwives visit/call often to do checks within the first week or so and more often if there isn't someone around to help the new mom, not so with hospital staff. I'll take a midwife at home any day over a hospital birth with near strangers that treat patients as if they are on an assembly line. (However; if I am at high risk, I will seek someone who specializes in high-risk (OB) births)
If a problem does arise, there is always the option to call an ambulance (in most cases, it takes as long to prep the OR as it does for the pt. to get there, regardless of whether she is in the L/D or at home)

Kinda like car care, if it isn't complicated (tire/oil change) I'll do it myself, or ask a knowledgeable neighbor (or in the case of birth, a practiced midwife) to do it, but if I have something complicated (broken axle/transmission) then I will hire a highly trained mechanic (OB) to do it.

I love it when we end up laughing during sex and if orgasms are a factors in making girls... I know why I have 2 girls! (I, sadly, have a hard time orgasming. sadness.)
BTW, love the tactful response to what could have otherwise been a touchy comment from the "non-practicing OB-trained family physician."

@Alina - thanks for your concern, but mine and my child's safety is exactly why I'm staying home for my next birth. I will not be "alone with a doula" - I will be with a CNM with more years of real birth experience than most practicing OBs in Chicagoland, and I trust that she will monitor my birth closer than any physician would. I also haven't based my decision on some blog reading; rather years of reading very smart scientists and doctors who think that our hospital system is broken and not a place for a healthy birth. There have also been studies proving supported homebirth is as safe or safer than a hospital setting, and most other developed countries embrace this model of care.

I realize you've studied for years about everything that can go wrong, and that teaches you to see a normal biological event as a medical event, because you make a lot more money of the medical events. If I need obstetric surgery, trust me, I'll see an OB, but if I'm just having a baby, I'd rather do that the way nature intended, and avoid another uterine scar. Thanks for your input though.

Hi Gina,

I had 3 girl-pregnancies but I won't comment on how those tricks work or not. It's fun trying anyway and since you'll be happy no matter what you get - keep up the good work :)

I love reading your blog and I know you are a smart cookie, which is why I was a bit surprised you are choosing a home birth. I am an OB-trained family physician, currently not practicing OB and if you allow me a word of caution, think again! I know your (and most people's) opinion of OB's, but trust me, we are not that bad! We spend a little time studying the natural birth process, which is pretty straight forward and easy to understand, then a LONG time studying everything that can go wrong, because believe you me - it can. You pop on any OB ward and can get your plenty of birth gone wrong. Yes yes, some is because of induction/epidural and all that, but some not, and you do NOT want to be home alone with a doula when sh*t hits the fan.

It is like betting your child's life that nothing will go wrong. NOT worth it. There are bad outcomes to home births, but you don't hear about them because nobody blogs to brag about it. You only hear the I DID IT! stories. With my first birth I was as close to ZERO of a risk for any complications as one can be, and yet my baby died when she was 7 days old. She had a cardiorespiratory arrest at 20h of age. Though a home birth briefly crossed my mind, I thank God I didn't go through with it because my life would have been over. I would have never been able to forgive myself for not giving my baby the best chance there was.

I am not looking to start a controversy here, so you other commenters be easy on me! I am thrilled your home birth worked for you, but don't try to change my opinion because you can't :) I am fully supportive of midwives who do their work in birthing centers, where help is close if need be. Gina, best of luck with whatever you choose and if you get another boy I'll trade you one (I have 2 daughters and 2 step-daughter) LOL

@Zoey - I actually just heard about the penetration thing too! Apparently there is some truth to position helping determine gender (well.. I mean kinda.)

@Holly - I read that in my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and for the first time in my life I wished that John was an anesthesiologist! (or some equally as toxic job) ;)

@Severine - Haa haa... yeah, my husband is quite tolerant. He actually laughed his ass off at this post.

@Embee - I'm not actually testing my pH yet, but I want to. Just have to figure out where to buy those damn kits!

@Andy - my husband takes barely-warm showers, and it a total SISSY about water temperature. He and my oldest son both love luke warm water, while me and my younger son need steaming hot baths.

@Melodie - I know, it's all very silly, and there have been a billion girls born by sheer chance, but when you read the science behind it, it actually makes some sense. Combine body chemistry with timing, and it could sway the gender in one way or another. With everything I know about our diet and lifestyles, it actually makes a lot of sense that we're most hospitable to boys. I'm trying to level the playing field!

@Tracie - haa haa! How long did it take you to figure out how to spell "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?" Or did you look it up? Nobody knows how to spell that nonsense. I'm glad you and your DH had a good laugh too.

@JillBabyRabies - I have no idea what I'd do if my dad ever started reading this blog. *shiver*

@jerseygirl89 - oh, I am COMPLETELY in love with Kevin Smith. I actually like him way more than DH does. The only reason he knew about the Dick Sneeze comment was because I turned him onto Kevin Smith's podcast, and he still listens to it (but I don't anymore because I'm not sitting at a desk all day.) I used to play a song in my band called "Give me Back my Mallrats Poster." ;)

See, I actually kind of love Kevin Smith, so that would not prevent me from having an orgasm. Very little does, which is probably why I have a girl (pretty sure I had bronchitis then, though) and two boys. Good luck - I can't wait to hear more. Of your humor. Not the sex. Unless you want to share. . er, I'll stop now.

Great post! You had me in stitches. The hubby and I also laughed our way through several sexcipades while trying for our fourth. We never talked about Kevin Smith though. lol

Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud@TweetingMama

.-= Kristi´s last blog ..Not My Husband! Monday – Men Say Stupid Stuff Sometimes =-.

LMAO Isn't it great when you can laugh while having sex?

I have to say when TTC #2, I did every single one of those things that you're not "supposed" to do when trying for a girl... and I got a girl. :D

This is too funny! and I can't wait to try this crazy stuff one day to get my boy! But considering I was already drinking too much coffee and never going without an orgasm and my Lucy IS a girl, I might have to work extra hard next time!! It should be fun. Good luck Gina with your funny-baby-girl-makin sex!

Luckily, they say you *should* eat chocolate when trying for a girl!:)

Ahhh.. see all the fun I miss out on by not blogging so anonymously anymore! Love this story. Hilarious.
.-= Jill @BabyRabies´s last blog ..Flip Diaper Review and Giveaway =-.

Hilarious. I wish I were brave enough to post my funny sex stories. The other day DH and I were DTD when I suddenly couldn't get "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins out of my head. I realized that we were in sync with the rhythm of that song. When I told my husband that, he decided to try the rhythm of other Mary Poppins songs. When he started singing "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" we both busted up laughing. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Ah, funny sex is the best.

Anyway, good luck with your babymaking. I'll be trying some of these methods the next time around. I really want a girl. I love my little boy but coming from a family of four brothers and six nephews, we need more girls.

TMI for some, but I love that you just shared this with the whole world. Too funny! As far as my story goes, our girls weren't planned, they just happened. I don't think I lacked an orgasm for either of them either. But regardless of all the bijillions of girls who've been born without methods attached I think it's great that you're going all out to try to get what you want. Makes for good blog too!
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..Lopsided Breasts =-.

Is HH doing the hot showers to kill off as many of those weak boy-making spermies? I swear that is how I got my little girl and I know it is the reason why I will never have a boy, my DH comes out looking like a LOBSTER when he showers. Also, have HH wear tighty-whities (is that how you spell it?)

And, your blog? HILARIOUS!

Gina, really funny stuff! Since the sex is determined by the dude, shouldn't HH have to give some stuff up? Was your book written by a guy? LOL I have four (4!) daughters and I adore bananas, worship coffee and never considered giving up happy time. I do think I heard that XX spermies are made quicker so maybe you just need to do it A LOT so the boys never get a chance to develop. Now that is a win win plan. ;-)~

That's hysterical.

I'm another one who questions the no orgasm information. 3 girls here and I too am "cursed" with multiple orgasm. :-) It does make sense, but damn it, um...no!

Chocolate, coffee and orgasms are all important parts of my life.
.-= Reiza´s last blog ..Wordless (day after) Wednesday: Reward =-.

So THAT's why I have 2 boys! ;)

I'm sorry, but I would love to hear the conversation/argument if you should have another boy:
"You made me come!"
"I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!"

Incidentally, can't he "finish you off" after his deposit? That's a good HH.

This was awesome! I love Kevin Smith way more than my DH thinks I should. Good luck with getting your girl!
.-= Melessa´s last blog ..In No Particular Order... =-.

love this post. can't wait to hear how it works out for you. did you actually test the pH? we have two boys... so in about 2 years i'll be in your boat. i had read about the douche and diet methods of changing your pH and will be so curious to hear a first-hand experience!
.-= embee´s last blog ..my love is strong enough =-.

Sooo funny!
AND your husband is quite tolerant of you posting about this, mine would never have agreed... :)
Good luck with the girl thing. I have a friend for whom it worked, she did the diet but also something about positions, not quite sure about the details, but she had her girl!
.-= Severine´s last blog ..Neil Diamond has me posting sappy moments =-.

I can see I'll enjoy reading your blog during this whole process of baby-making. But I gotta say- I question the research on orgasm-free= girl. We have 2 girls and I don't usually miss out!

I was aware of conception with the second and know for a fact that it was a 2x orgasm night. (And I drink a lot of coffee, too)

Another idea is to read Walter Makichen's book, Spirit Babies. He has a few different chants to use to get in touch with your spirit baby- then you can simply ask if s/he would be willing to be a girl. (Sounds crazy, I know, but each of my girls told me her name before birth.)
But I figure if it really matters, do everything you can, right?
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Reducing Risk and Adding Benefit =-.

Laughing during sex is HIGHLY underrated. Glad you got a chance to truly crack up! People never talk about the awesomely goofy stuff that can happen during sex - the ultimate private jokes.

We didn't do ALL of the snazzy tricks, but we were also trying to conceive a girl. We even went as far as to singing old school Nsync songs (along with many other classic "girl" songs), and acting completely ridiculous. It was some of the most funny sex we've ever had. Something about your uber manly husband dancing to Bye Bye Bye after sex is quite funny. My theory on "Nothing brings the girls out like boy bands!" wasn't quite accurate, and alas... another boy is on the way :-) LOL. Hopefully he doesn't have SUPER bad taste in music.

Years ago, in college, I had the honor of picking up the writer Carole Maso at her office in Rhode Island and driving her to New Hampshire to do a reading at our school. She told me and my friend (who arranged the reading) about how she and her partner had decided to have a baby. So they read about how to have a girl and went out to find a suitable sperm donor. They found him, she seduced him, and 10 months later they had a beautiful baby girl. I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but I've heard first hand it works.

dick sneeze. I love Kevin Smith.

This is the funniest thing I have read in quite a while. Yay for fun sex while TTC!

LMAO! Is it completely wrong that I probably laughed as much as you guys did while I was reading this?

Thanks for sharing the girl making, because I will be taking that challenge on in a few years... I need all the tips I can get!
.-= Danielle´s last blog ..Thoughts Thursday =-.

Girls are more common in couples if the man has a toxic job - which kills off the more fragile male sperm. So he could work with a laptop in his lap or become an anesthesiologist or painter. Get on that, John.

Apparently shallow penetration also means you are more likely to have a girl, because the weaker male sperm don't have the stamina to go the distance.
.-= Zoey @ Good Goog´s last blog ..No Lunch For You! =-.

This is HILARIOUS.
.-= Azucar´s last blog ..Dear 1979, The Whole "We Don't Believe in Overhead Lighting" Thing is STUPID =-.

We tried to get a girl too & wound up with our 3rd boy. I never bothered with the diet, though. Just tried vinegar douches to make things more acidic & the no orgasm thing. Never did check my ph levels...probably would have been useful.

Good luck!