April 30th, 2009
Thank You Right Back
I want to take the time to highlight an email I recently received, because the contents of this email had me in tears.
Background: In the fall of 2007, I joined one of those silly Ivillage Expecting Clubs about ten minutes after I got the positive results on my pregnancy test. I had been in one with Jonas, so why not with Jules. The beginning of those clubs always start out the same. Everyone’s giving each other cyber {{hugs}} and high fives over each other’s “BFP” (big fat positive) and discussing symptoms and HCG levels. Then, someone inevitably asks the question about breastfeeding. And boy, oh boy, do the gloves come off.
I was pregnant with my second baby, and by that time I felt like I had a fair amount of knowledge and experience under my belt so I felt compelled to talk about the “issues.” Even though the issues on every expecting club are exactly the same, the tone of the board is set by the first women to visit it, or even by majority rule. In my last expecting club with Jonas, the board was super breastfeeding heavy. So, without thinking it would be that much of an issue, I offered my trademark honest, frank, and caring opinion about the subject on the new board. Almost immediately, I became the Town A-Hole. Had it been another board, on another day, my comments probably would have gone completely unchallenged. As it was – I was The First Lactivist in the May 08 expecting club. That set the tone for my entire existence on that board. Gina The A-Hole. When I wanted a VBAC, I was an A-Hole. When I posted a funny picture (however subjectively appropriate or inappropriate), I was the A-Hole. It was inescapable. Sometimes I really was an A-Hole. But how much of it was me living up the title, and how much of it was me being misunderstood? I’ll never know.
But then something miraculous happened. A few of the gals, who I originally annoyed the piss out of with my lactivism, had a change of heart. They themselves became breastfeeders. One of them had formula-fed her first son, and had every intention to do the same with the next baby, but changed her mind after a particularly intense debate with me.
18 months later, that mom sent me the following email this week:
My little (baby) will be One tomorrow and I felt compelled to write you an email. I felt I needed to write to you so I could thank you. Thank you for encouraging me to share the deepest bond unimaginable with my child. Thank you for pointing out the benefits of breastmilk, my son has not had an ear infection, and we can count the colds he has had on one hand. Thank you for lowering my risk of cancer as well as so many other health problems. Thank you for opening my eyes to life outside of what I know and to take a chance and tell others to mind their own business because I do what is best for my child. Thank you for making me a lactivist. Thank you. Tomorrow marks one wonderful year of breastfeeding. I started with the short goal of 6 weeks and made it this far. He is even tipping the scales at almost 25 pounds. Clogged ducts, vasospasms, bleeding, engorgement… nothing could make me stop this one perfect thing I could do for my son. I don't plan on stopping either. He can choose. Your guidance, wisdom, and knowledge are so greatly appreciated. I hope you have a wonderful day.
Now for those of you who don’t know me, this entire post may seem like an exercise in narcissism.
In bravado.
In the “tooting-of-one’s-own-horn,” you might say.
But those who do know me know just how habitually insecure I am. When I am called the bad guy, or made to feel hurtful and mean with my candor, I take it all very, very personally. I feel like I’m a despicable excuse for a human being whose mouth simply brings pain to those who’ve had the bad fortune of being caught in my path.
So this email is important to me. I’m happy for her. I’m happy for her baby. And I’m happy for myself because without this email, I may have second-guessed my comments on that board for the rest of my life – cause Lord knows I never forget anything. But at least one person was positively impacted by my comments. And that’s enough for me.
Click to Leave a Comment
Gina,
You have made an impact on alot of people on the board. Don’t forget I am the crazy conservative lol. I have told you before, I will tell you again, while I don’t always agree with everything you say, I will always respect you, and I too have learned alot from you.
As a matter of fact… the other day one of my bff said his gf who is due with her 2nd child was having a c-section scheduled for July. I point blank asked why is she not having a VBAC? He said she told him she was too little. I was then giving the 3rd degree, educating him on the benefits, pros, cons of a VBAC delivery. Not that I had ever had one lol.
So, trust me, you do educate even those who you don’t think listen =)
Kudos to you!!!!
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OMG, the first half of your post had me laughing out loud! The part about you being labeled an a-hole. Oh I can totally relate (in a different way for me, I am labeled the a-hole at my kids’ school).
And as for the second part of your post: wow, wow, wow! Amazing email!! First of all, what an unbelievable impact you’ve made on this mum and baby’s life, totally awesome. And secondly, does it make you wonder how many other lives you impacted?
Thanks for sharing.
Amanda
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And I meant every word =) You are a great person, Gina. If I were in your class I would have totally written “kind hearted” on your back 
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Gal-darnit! You’re making me cry again!!!
Thank you.
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I just wanted to comment that I was part of that group with you. I found you an inspiration. I breastfeed my first child so I knew from the start I would breastfeed my May 08 baby too. I thought it was great that you educated people. I agreed with most of what you said. Although I’m not really outgoing enough to state my opinion. I think it is great that people like you are trying to educate people. Also I’d like to add that not everyone on that board felt that way about you.
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That’s amazing, I too can be the A-hole on those lists and wish I would make the differnce for someone!
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Loved this entry, Gina! I always knew I wanted to breastfeed, but it’s so nice to have other people who really believe in what they’re doing. And Heather… I’m glad you bf-ed. Who else would sit in the middle of a busy mall and nurse with me. hehe.
Oh. and for the record, Gina… I thought the “Vagina- It’s not a clown car” picture was hilarious. I have no beef with big families, but come on! That’s funny stuff.
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I have to second that the picture was hilarious! The fact that it turned into such a post was also pretty funny . As you know I could have written that same email to you and am getting all emotional just thinking about it. I don’t think I would be BFing my nearly one year old if there were no a-holes on the board. Kidding of course, you are in no way an a-hole, just delivering the facts.
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Well unfortunately I joined May 08 late and missed all of your a-holiness. However I got to see it in the PG and it was the main motivation for my attempt at re-lactation. I know I thanked you before, but thank you again. Even though I didn’t succeed I tried my best and will never regret that. And if by some small .00000001% chance we have another baby, he or she will definitely be breast fed. Thank you for being so outspoken. It means a lot to a lot of people.
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I just got back from the doctor with my free goody bag. It is actually says that it is my ‘Success Bag for Baby’s Best Start’ for breastfeeding. Nice right? The thing is full of formula! This is what us a-holes are up against.
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Nicky, you did something so awesome for your baby that even most of us hardcore breastfeeders probably wouldn’t attempt, and no matter how much or how little milk you got, the fact that you even tried shows just how loving of a mother you are. Nice work mama.
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Jeez louise. They have absolutely NO shame.
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Sheesh, I teared up reading your post!
It’s a courageous thing to do to stick to your beliefs in the face of difference, and it’s a real skill to do it in a kind, communicative, and intelligent way. Congrats on pulling it off!
And kudos to the woman (and women) whose “plans” were changed with some more thinking. It’s hard to bend sometimes, especially when you think you know what’s right.
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I know it’s ridiculously late to be posting this, but I chanced upon this post randomly and just couldn’t let it pass without saying how awesome you are, and high-fiving the other mom who was willing to change her mind as well, because that takes some guts – especially to own up to it. Lord knows there have been times *I* haven’t been able to do the same. Cheers to you both!
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