Today is the last day at my corporate gig.  I've been here since my now-3-year-old son was in utero.  I've worked here longer than I've ever worked anywhere. 

This is strange. I'm not running out of here kicking my heels like I thought I would be.  Instead, I'm digging my heals in and hoping this is one of the slower days of my life.  It will be too unsettling to wake up tomorrow morning and have no workplace to report to.

Everyone wants me to be happy. This is what I wanted.  But it's all too weird for me to be "happy" just yet.

I keep telling myself that I'm worried about the money, but with my surprise 401k liquidation, and the many thousands I just received in new financial aid, truthfully we could float for 6 full months without panicking.  And I'll only get more next semester, and I do have cake money coming in — so we're really not that bad off.  Ultimately I don't think the lack of money is what's really freaking me out.

I think I may have to face the fact that perhaps I like coming to work.  Maybe I even like coming here.  I don't like it enough to change my mind and undo all of this, but I do want to recognize that this isn't going to be the easiest transition for me.  This place – this job – is part of my identity.

I've worked in an office for 13 years. And now, all the sudden, I won't be anymore.  At least not for awhile.  And don't ask me "So, what will you do with yourself?" because there is PLENTY to do (like taking care of kids, running my cake business, and keeping up my 4.0 GPA with an 18-hr class load.)

I won't be bored, that's for sure.  I'm just not totally mentally prepared for my life to change this drastically.  But I guess I better get prepared, because it's already Noon, and the second half of the day will probably go by quicker than the first.

And in a very, very strange twist of events, my boss from an old company wandered into the office today.  I haven't seen him in 5 years.  I say "what in the world are YOU doing here?" – and he replies that he's the new manager.  I would have been working directly with him again.  I always liked him too.  What a weird-o coincidence.

Now I'm off to my "farewell" lunch with my soon-to-be-Ex boss.

*deep breath*