August 28th, 2008
Try to explain “pumping” to a guy…..
A real life conversation had between me and one of my guy-friends over IM today.
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Guy_Friend (3:01:06 PM): I’m sleepy…
Guy_Friend (3:01:24 PM): sleepy
ME (3:04:51 PM): don't talk to me about sleepy….. I haven't slept in weeks.
Guy_Friend (3:05:37 PM): oh? so restless baby this time?
ME (3:16:27 PM): no. it's not the baby's fault… it's too complicated to explain to a person without breasts, but suffice to say that because I'm breastfeeding, I need to be up all night long pumping, otherwise I will dry up, and that would be very bad.
Guy_Friend (3:17:45 PM): you had to rub my breastlessness in my face, didn't you? you really know how to hurt a guy…
ME (3:22:58 PM): I'll gladly give you mine if you don't mind staying up All NIGHT LONG to attend to them and their milk-making-ness.
Guy_Friend (3:23:16 PM): yeah, I wouldn't want them for the milk.
Guy_Friend (3:23:47 PM): but I would "attend to them"
ME (3:24:11 PM): mine are completely utilitarian now. Nothing "fun" about them anymore
Guy_Friend (3:24:41 PM): I'm so disillusioned
Guy_Friend (3:24:59 PM): I like cows milk, by the way. goes great with cereal.
ME (3:25:10 PM): so does human milk!
Guy_Friend (3:25:26 PM): I thought you said it had a cantelope taste
Guy_Friend (3:25:36 PM): that does not sound good with cheereos
ME (3:25:44 PM): mmmmm… more like milk after the cereal is leftover… sugary milk.
Guy_Friend (3:26:10 PM): oooh. that would be awsome in coffee
ME (3:26:31 PM): well, I have none to spare, otherwise I'd give you some for your coffee…. perhaps when my supply returns to normal.
Guy_Friend (3:27:46 PM): how much does your baby consume? you make it sound like you produce gallons and gallons…
ME (3:29:12 PM): I WISH! He eats about 16 ounces while I'm at work. Now I'm only pumping about 10-12 ounces during the day, which leaves a deficit. Being away from him is causing my "factory" to slow down. So, I have to stay up pumping all night long while he's either asleep, or pump one breast while he's eating on the other side. My whole goddamn life is about pumping now.
ME (3:30:14 PM): SO – even if he sleeps all night long… I CAN'T, because if I don't get up to pump, I won't have enough food for him during the day, and also, because it's a supply/demand situation, I'll dry up even more if I'm not telling my body to MAKE more by removing what is there.. if that makes any sense.
Guy_Friend (3:30:46 PM): yup
Guy_Friend (3:31:05 PM): you need another breast or two to get ahead of this
ME (3:31:37 PM): Indeed, I do. so…. next time you're complaining about being sleepy, just remember that you didn't have to get up 3 times during the night to pump milk out of your mammary glands.
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