All the Firsts are gone. All the big moments are gone.  I don’t even remember them that well.  Everyone is getting engaged.  Everyone is getting married.  Everyone is having their first baby.  Everyone is buying their first house.

I want to get engaged.  I want to get married.  I want to buy my first home. I want a first-baby shower.

Oh. wait.  I already did all those things.  But everything afterwards seems so completely anti-climactic.  I’m so pissed that all those things have come and gone and I’ll never again feel the intoxicating joy of getting engaged.  I’ll never have that huge wedding I dreamed of.  Nobody will care if we buy another house.  And second babies are old news.

Does everybody feel this way?  Does everyone who gets what they want feel totally empty afterward?  When other people get exactly what they want, do they feel as completely unfulfilled as I do?

Or am I just a selfish brat?  Probably.  Still doesn’t change the painful emptiness I feel every moment of the day.  Is this the Feminine Mystique?  Who cares.

Maybe everything feels so empty because none of those huge life events happened to me the way I had always imagined.  There was no big proposal.  There was no big wedding.  We made a horrible, horrible decision buying this condo.  And I didn’t mean to get pregnant.  Nothing happened the way I dreamed it would.  It was all so disappointing.  But then again, I am easily dissappointed.

I hear you saying "Count your blessings, Gina"…. whatever.  YOU count them.  I’m busy feeling sorry for myself.