Exactly when and where is it okay to breastfeed your infant? This question has been on the minds of concerned Americans lately as mothers continue to recklessly feed their hungry babies when and where they want without asking anyone’s permission first.
With more and more women unabashedly placing the health of their baby ahead of a stranger’s unsolicited opinions, some insist we must put a stop to this irritatingly normal human behavior. During last week’s HuffPost Live segment on breastfeeding in public, my co-panelist, etiquette expert Julie Blais Comeau, confidently asserted that there are “certainly” times when breastfeeding is inappropriate and that a mother should “go somewhere else” to feed her baby.
Unfortunately during the segment Julie was unable to offer a single example of a time or place where breastfeeding in public is inappropriate. Don’t worry, I thought of a few. Now if you ever find yourself in a situation where you wonder whether or not it’s okay to breastfeed, you can use these as the litmus test. The following five locations are “certainly” not appropriate for nursing a baby.
1. In Traffic
|I’m just saying, some of us have to get to work. Be considerate of your fellow travelers. Take your Boppy and move to the shoulder of the road, please.|
2. In Battle
|Hungry children can pose a serious distraction in hand-to-hand combat. Feed them before your knife fight breaks out. Besides, you wouldn’t want your exposed nips to be nicked by that blade. Ouch.|
3. In a Car Chase
|Kids need to be in carseats. Unless you’re the getaway driver fleeing the scene of a bank robbery at the exact moment your child wants to nurse, surely you can stop the car long enough to give the baby a snack.|
4. In Orbit
5. In a Public Bathroom
|Would you eat your dinner in here? Eeew, of course not. Neither should a baby. There. That’s settled.|
Ultimately the best way to determine when and where you can breastfeed your baby is to ask yourself this question: Would it be okay to bottle-feed a baby here? If the answer is no, then put your breast away before it gets nicked by a machete and find a more appropriate location feed your child. If the answer is yes, then by all means, feed your baby. If anyone has a problem with it, tell them they can go sit in a bathroom until you’re done.