October 20th, 2009
Women are the Problem with Women
It’s been happening since the beginning of time. Women stand in the way of their own progress. When some women fought for the right to vote, other women opposed women suffrage – even going so far as releasing pamphlets like this one stating all the reasons why women should not have the right to vote. Yeah…. WOMEN did that.
When some women fought for the right to hold a job without being subjected to sexual harassment and sexual violence, other women told those ladies to sit down and shut up, because they had jobs and they should count themselves lucky.
And while some women fight for the right to safe, legal access to family planning services, other women fight to criminalize any woman who needs or wants these services.
But today, there is a newly realized (but not newly practiced) form of social humiliation and injustice for women: Birth Rape. And like with everything else, some women want to make these women victims all over again by denying that such thing exists.
Birth rape is a term that many women apply to the treatment they may have suffered under the care of a maternity provider who forced, coerced, and/or threatened their way into a woman’s genitals without her expressed permission. Make no mistake – this is a criminal act. A woman whose provider performs procedures on her against her will is in violation of the law and the AMA and ACOG Codes of Ethics. It is grounds for criminal assault charges, malpractice filings and loss of license. Even in cases where a women may not suffer any long-term physical damage from the act, these incidents can cause extreme physical and emotional trauma on a woman. These events can cause a woman to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or suffer from long term anxiety, depression, and fear. These events should not be tolerated by a civilized society.
But they are. Why? Because some women refuse to acknowledge the suffering. Instead, they blame the mother for her feelings. They tell her “at least you had a healthy baby, who cares what happened in the process?” They so eloquently tell her to “shut the fuck up” when she talks about her genitals being forcibly touched, entered, or even cut open. They tell her that she is not allowed to call what happened to her “rape” – and that her attacker “had the best of intentions” so they couldn’t possibly be to blame. They marginalize her – the way women have always done to other women when they don’t understand, empathize, or care what has been done to them. It is too difficult to see the truth, so they choose not to.
But don’t get me wrong — A woman does not have to experience any negative feelings from a cesarean, or any other type of birth for that matter. Furthermore, a mother does not have to experience any type of forced non-consensual treatment to feel a great sense of loss or depression over an unhappy birth experience. A mother is entitled to feel anything she needs to about the birth she had. It is HER birth. HER feelings. HER right.
But so many women will not allow a mother to have negative feelings about her own birth experience. And of course, this upsets me a great deal. Unrecognized and untreated feelings of loss, depression, and/or violation can send a mother spiraling deeper into an emotional chokehold. Her very real, and very justifiable feelings are invalidated by some uneducated and ignorant voices. She may feel isolated, misunderstood, and shamed. Some women never have children again because they cannot bear to revisit the scene of the attack (i.e. a hospital.) Some women choose to give birth without the supervision of any care provider whatsoever because they cannot trust anyone to keep them safe. Some rise up and empower themselves to achieve a birth experience that helps heal their wounds. And some women try again, only be set up to fail by a system that does not respect their need for bodily integrity or autonomy.
No woman should have to feel violated during her birth. And I will not rest until this very real epidemic has the recognition that every other act of sexual misconduct has. If the suffragists or the Lois Jensens of the world agreed to “Shut the fuck up” because some ignorant women didn’t want to rock the boat, imagine where we’d be today.
Whether you are a doctor who thinks they have the right to violate women’s bodies against their will, or you are another woman who believes that doctors should have the right to do whatever they want to other women, I only have to say this: NO MEANS NO – regardless of the medical degree.
______________________________
If you are a mother who has suffered some form of birth trauma, or unresolved feelings about a negative birth experience, please know that you are not alone. Help is out there. Here are a few resources to help you begin healing:
Solace for Mothers– Healing after Traumatic Childbirth
International Cesarean Awareness Network – Cesarean Recovery and VBAC Support
Citizens for Midwifery – Article on filing a formal complaint against a provider
BirthCut – “The Ax Forgets, the Tree Remembers”
The Unnecesarean – A Resource for the Latest in Maternity News, Studies, and Information
Click to Leave a Comment
THIS makes me love you SO MUCH MORE!
“No woman should have to feel violated during her birth. And I will not rest until this very real epidemic has the recognition that every other act of sexual misconduct has. If the suffragists or the Lois Jensen’s of the world agreed to “Shut the fuck up” because some ignorant women didn’t want to rock the boat, imagine where we’d be today.“
You rock!
Pretty amazing links. I can count myself lucky that I am not a victim of birth rape but I sure can see how it happens on a very regular basis. One more thing doctors need to think about before they go into that delivery room. As they should!
That was Brilliant! Everything you said — I want to shout it from the rooftops. AMAZING!!
Off to RT and FB share like mad…
This is it. This is what I am feeling right now, even before I read this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Gina you are such an inspiration to so many women, and could be a beacon of hope to so many MORE childbearing women if they weren’t so busy telling YOU to shut the F up. I applaud and thank you for not listening to the women who would like to stand in your way or simply marginalize what you are doing. It is huge. and I, for one, am grateful.
“They tell her that she is not allowed to call what happened to her “rape” – and that her attacker “had the best of intentions” so they couldn’t possibly be to blame.“
…ok shall we define the provider’s “best intentions”? = home for dinner, bed or tennis match.
Great post, could you add a link to the section about support groups to Joyous Birth, it was through them that I found out such a thing as birth rape existed (and homebirth) 
http://joyousbirth.info/forums
TIA
Thank you for having the courage to speak out — we need more voices like yours. As a woman who identifies with much of what you write. I am fortunate to have moved forward from a traumatic birth to an empowering, healing birth for which I am eternally grateful. That’s not enough for me — birth culture must be changed so as not to take advantage of more women and families.
Thank you a million times for posting this. I have been recovering from a traumatic birth experience for 15 months (my daughter’s entire life). I had the sort of delivery I wanted. It was orgasmic, beautiful, mine. I did not have the support I wanted during labor because my midwife acted very “medically” and removed my support team from the room for 5 of the 6 hours I labored. I also did not have the afterbirth I wanted. After several interventions of tractioning, pitocin, and methergine, I was transferred to the hospital. I had 3 blood transfusions and lived in the hospital for the first 9 days of my daughter’s life. What was most traumatic is that I chose midwifery specifically to avoid that sort of scenario. Thank you for providing the resources you did. Maybe they can help me.
Yes, yes, a thousand times, YES! You know I’ve been tearing my hair out over the same unfathomable garbage. THANK YOU for summing it all up so perfectly.
Amazing post, thank you. Linking you everywhere!
Oh & the “They tell her that she is not allowed to call what happened to her “rape” – and that her attacker “had the best of intentions” so they couldn’t possibly be to blame.” is so true. I was molested as a kid and the man did not have the “intention” of molesting me, but he touched me and wouldn’t stop as a screamed and cried and said no. There seems to be no difference at all between any of the effects on me and the effects of molestation on anyone who’s attacker was trying to be sexual. I’d actually almost love someone dare give that excuse to my face, so i could punch them in theirs. Violence is justified sometimes, imo.
“You don’t want to experience postpartum depression“
http://www.spontaneouscreation.org/SC/Chapter51.htm
HEAR, HEAR!!!
Brilliant, inspiring, and empowering.
You should consider posting a link to this on the comments sections from all of those Jezebel, Daily Beast, etc. articles. If you can stomach accidentally reading some of those asinine comments, of course…
I was birth raped. The doctor took it upon himself to spend some time rubbing my clit without my consent, and with me only half realizing what was happening. That was only the tip of the iceberg, really. I was verbally and physically assaulted, all under the aegis of ‘medical procedure’. I was so traumatized that when my son was born and placed into my arms (only after I demanded they give him to me), I was out of body. It was a surreal experience, not a good one at all. I swore to myself that I would NEVER have another baby, and I never have.
Thanks for a wonderful post! Loved it.
JEEZUS, Betty Poprocket, that is horrific. I’m so sorry!
What a great post, thank you. My son is 7.5 months and I’m coming to terms with the fact that I probably have PTSD from his birth, an unnecessarean. I still have nightmares about it and shake in fear if my husband tries to get intimate with me. A little more compassion on the part of other women could go a long way.
Thank you for posting this — we absolutely *need* more women out there saying this.
Hi there.
Obviously, there’s a lot right with this post but I feel that the authoress is missing the point. The voices of prejudice speaking through the women’s mouths who argue that one should…“shut the fuck up,” are actually recycled views of the dominant patriachy and socially enforced. This is not to say that these women should therefore abdicate responsibility for what they’re saying — on the contrary they should educate themselves more. However, I think to blindly lay blame at women’s feet is to re-inforce what is wrong with our culture and to a certain extent is reflected in ‘rape’ crimes. That is to say, while certain women for different reasons throughout time have been strong enough (for a number of reasons) to fight what’s going on around them because they’ve been displaced enough, the majority of women are under the control of a patriachal system.
Very interesting article however and of course, we should pursue any and all doctors who abuse their powers and the bodies of women who seek treatment.
[…] This post was Twitted by nueva_voz […]
Listen, I want to hear from you - I really do. And if you're being nice to me, I encourage you to leave eleventy-billion comments. But for realzies - don't be mean to me or anybody else here. I mean seriously, do not make me use the delete button, because I will. Oh, I will.
AvatarsThe avatars that are shown are via Gravatar. If you do not have one associated with your email address it will show a default image, however I suggest you sign up to get one since many blogs use this feature!
Commenting Additions You may use the following mark-up within your comments. I only permit XHTML mark-up at this time. Line breaks are converted automatically.(<em> <del> <strong> <pre> <code> <blockquote>)
