I just happened across this through a friends facebook page. I am not trying to troll, but I think it is not a good thing you're doing. You're not extremem from what I can gather, but mothers who let their boys wear dresses our in public, and makeup, and whatever is damaging. I know you're tryign to fight the norm, but there should be a limit. These kids WILL look back and be in disbelief that you let them do that, also they will become sensitive to the mocking, and you know they WILL be mocked.

It all seems like you're tryign too hard to be different. I am totally for letting a kid be a kid, but there needs to be a limit. Boys cooking, cleaning or evern playing with dolls, not a bad idea... thats fine, but dressing like a girl? Looking like a girl? Buying girls clothes? That seems very strange and damaging.

Got here via @OHmommy's post about the tv show. Neat.
I don't have kids but would definitely offer toys without gender barriers if I ever do.
Cheers!
.-= Al_Pal´s last blog ..Sensitivity: I have it. =-.

I loved your part of the show! We don't have cable, but I caught your segment while at my in-laws and thought it was terrific. I did think it was odd that gender-neutral parenting was radical. I guess I had much stranger ideas as to what constituted radical and what you do seems so normal for my own family and upbringing.

We try to be gender-neutral in our family, too. I have four children and my son has long hair and gets a lot of rude comments about it. I was raised with more than a dozen male cousins as a big tomboy, and loved that I had that choice to be one and do boy things without my parents making a fuss. I wish I had seen the rest of the episode-we flip flop unschooling and relaxed eclectic homeschooling. Keep up the good work, I'm enjoying your blog!

Hi Scott & Remy - thanks for your question. That's a complicated one to answer because much of the clothing on the show had to subscribe to a very specific color palette so it would photograph well. This was a production requirement. Our boys do not generally wear so much blue - in fact, most of what they wore on the show were clothes purchased by family members (the family I mentioned who buys them nothing but "boy" clothes.) But no, we do not keep dresses and skirts in the house (to me, that would be transgender parenting, not gender neutral.) To fit our gender-neutral philosophy, we usually buy a wide range of color choices for our kids, bright colors and fabrics, every color of the rainbow. Unfortunately, their more vibrant clothing wouldn't photograph well, so we all had to wear very toned-down colors. Unfortunately, it was just one of those things lost in the filming. I hope that answers your question.

My wife and I were just speaking about your episode on extreme parenting on Discovery Health. We have two boys the same ages as yours. We have never dictated gender stereo-types to our boys and they seem to be well blended. Superheros and dolls, some times the fire trucks roll up to the doll house, etc. We never thought about it, even once, until we saw your episode. We never thought it radical or unusual in anyway.We both find it interesting that gender neutral parenting is considered in anyway "radical", it is 2010.

We also found it interesting that your boys only appeared in traditional boys clothes except when they were playing princess dress-up. Do you have equally male and female clothing for them to choose from on a daily basis? If you allowed your children to wear pink dresses to school do you think that the external pressure from other children and teachers would force gender stereotypes?

Don't forget! Tonight at 10 pm CENTRAL time I welcome the other moms from our "Radical Parenting" special on my radio show. Tune in to hear these moms dish on what you may not have seen, and voice their own opinions about the special. You can CALL IN with your own questions and comments! It's an internet radio show - all you need is a computer to listen.

Visit the show page now to set yourself a reminder to listen! http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thefeministbreeder/20...

"See" you there!
.-= TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..The Birth Advocate’s Fable — Dr. Seuss Style =-.

@Lauren - yes, all my shows are available as podcasts. If you subscribe in iTunes, you'll always stay up to date! :)

I saw your show on Discovery Health and I'm looking forward to the radio interview. I noticed you have previous ones up on iTunes as podcasts - will this one also be available as a podcast? (I'm much more likely to remember to listen if I can download it afterward and listen to it on my commute!) Thanks.

i think what your doing is not gender neutrality but is instead gender bias. your are not allowing your son to pick for him self but instead putting feminine things in front of him and letting him choose them. i do agree with it to a certain extent, but you are on the extreme end. you are setting your son up for a lifetime of hardship. society is not gender neutral and will not be for the foreseeable future. i respect your decision to raise your son as such, but believe that is a mistake which you will see in the long run.

I was so happy to see this. I watched the show just to check out the gender nuetral parenting. After watching it for a while and seeing all the other "radical" parenting mthods, I was begining to think I was a little crazy for wanting to raise my (future) kids this way. All the other parenting methods seemed a bit extreme to me, but when they finally got to you guys, I was relieved to see that it wasn't crazy and even the family therapist was cool with it. I feel better knowing there is an entire community out there with the same ideas as me. Not radical or extreme, or crazy at all.

We don't live in a gender neutral society, and that would be the only way to raise children that way. I found the attachment parenting family a little more neutral than yours. I thought their son was a girl at first, I could tell you had sons from the preveiws of the show by the clothes they were wearing. High heels,wearing make-up, and dangling earrings is not gender neutral. You and your husband are dressed very much like a woman and a man. As parents you are the biggest role models. Maybe it was the shows fault.

I saw this on TV yesterday; that's how I found your blog. I think you and your family did a beautiful job on the show; the only thing that saddens me is that this is somehow seen as "radical". In my worldview, gender neutral parenting and AP are "normal". It did irk me, though, that they were showing formula commercials *during the show* - real ::headdesk:: moment! (though I guess you've gotta acknowledge that for a lot of people, formula is the norm).s

I (finally!) watched the show with my husband. While the unschooling family just made our jaws drop, we had much more in common with the attachment parenting family and your family.

We do some attachment parenting - although not quite to that extreme - but we just never had a label for it.

Also, we have two boys and a girl and we mostly have a gender neutral home although, again, we didn't necessarily think about it having a name before reading your blog about it.

That's not to say that our boys don't sometimes have "boy" clothes, but mostly geared to their interests, i.e. balls, Elmo, Thomas, etc. It's nothing for our little guys to go from trains to baby dolls. My husband's brothers have weird issues with their sons playing with "girl" toys and it just irks me.

It's nice to know we're not alone.

@Jackie - watch the show again. The first pair of shoes my son is shown pulling out of the closet are my husbands motorcycle boots. There were 3 12-hour days of footage taken which was condensed into 14 minutes of television. Of course they couldn't show everything.

And yes - if my son says that he has heard a toy or sport or activity is "only for girls" I will ABSOLUTELY tell him that if HE wants to do it, it's for him too. I'm sure if your daughter came to you and said she heard that only MEN can be pilots or engineers, you'd tell her that if SHE wanted to be that, then that profession is for her too.

My children are not confused about who breastfed in the house. They know Mommy pumped, but they knew that Daddy also helped me with that in every way possible that he could. My children knowing their way around a breastpump, and seeing breastfeeding as totally normal, will only benefit their parenting skills in the future.

Seriously - it's not like I turned my children into Eunuchs. They know they have boy parts, but that doesn't mean they can only have "boy" interests.

Hi, I don't know that I would consider myself a feminist. I'm a single woman in my 40's, own my own home, also own more power tools than the average man. My parents did not raise me gender neutral but they didn't raise me to be helpless either. I can do anything a man can do, not because I'm trying to be something I'm not, but because thats just the way it is. My son was not raised gender neutral but he has seen me do everything from construction to housework and so he doesn't know any different.

I just saw a repeat of the radical parenting show on Discovery and I have to say that while I don't disagree with what you are doing there were a couple of things that I noticed and wonder about. Maybe it was just how the show was edited, or maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention. :)

The thing is that I didn't see real neutrality. You certainly made clear that your children could participate in things that have traditionally been for girls, but when your boys were playing with your shoes I didn't see that they had been offered Daddy's shoes to play with also. There was also a comment that if one of your boys mentioned he thought something was for girls only and didn't want to participate you would "re-direct" him. I think the key here is that the parents should remain neutral, but if a child decides he doesn't want to do something he shouldn't be re-directed toward that activity simply so the parents can be satisfied. That would seem not to be neutral.

I'm also wondering if you explain to them that there are indeed differences between genders. When you were showing Jonas how you held a baby to breastfeed and he was acting like he was using the breast pump it made me wonder if you've thought to explain to them that they can't actually breastfeed a baby. Surely they would notice that your husband didn't breastfeed so it may send a mixed message if you didn't explain the differences. For instance is Daddy not breastfeeding because he can't or because he just doesn't want to? Why are Mommies the only ones who ever has a baby in their bellies, etc...?

I think its great that you're exposing your children to many different things, there are many benefits to this. I'm just concerned that they may have some trouble adjusting when they realize that they themselves aren't really "neutral".

Best wishes.

I really liked your segment on Discovery Health! As the parent of two boys, I have become increasingly conscious of the gender stereotyping that goes on in our everyday lives. My father-in-law is an ex-Marine and my husband and I have had many discussions about not "masculinizing" our boys-I have also had to fend of comments telling my kids things like "big boys don't cry" (to a two-year-old!) My older son plays with anything featuring Hello Kitty and he also likes play horses (targeted towards girls) and to carry and raid my purse. He also has his own apron Thanks for being such a staunch advocate for moms that want

I am proud of you and the way you are raising your sons. I have 4 daughters of my own and they each have totally different personalities. I never put a name to the way we raised our girls but we never told them that this or that was for boys or girls either. My older two daughters whom are 11 and 8 are very prissy but on the other hand my 4 year old is all boy. She loves trucks and cars and fishing with her dad. And I wouldnt have her any other way. I myself was raised with 5 brothers so im considered the a typical tom boy myself.

YES YES YES!!! Just catching the end of the Discovery Health show now. I've been an occasional reader for a while. Finally, a SANE depiction of parenting on TV. Eventually we won't even be considered "radical" or "extreme."

I just saw your segment and LOVED it. My partner and I don't have children yet, but I have always believed in gender neutral parenting.

Also for those thinking it makes you gay (which is insane) my partner and I were both raised in very gendered homes.

It just makes sense and I don't understand why toys are seen as being male and female.

Good for you and your husband and I'm so glad I found your blog.

Hi,
I was surprised to see you on the show. When my son was born i gave him a cabbage patch kid ( anew one) left over from the 80's and alot of people made fun of me. I even went out and bought them the same outfits like you do with girls. Again alot of people made fun. I have wanted to buy him a kitchen but my husband and i are trying for another one and hoping to have a girl. but i want to buy him the kitchen or a doll house but i hate that people make fun. I normally dont say anything what do you say to people who think its "silly"? I dont want him palying those violent things boys are into.
help

Hi Gina, I just saw the show on "Radical Parenting". (I had it on DVR) I must say that perhaps the first set of parents would be considered "radical", but not you or the "Attachment Parents". I love the idea of being "gender neutral" with your kids. You are amazing! Keep up with the good work. Your boys are going to be excellent partners someday :)

While I would never claim that our family is gender-neutral, we are fully supportive of our boy, and boy-2-be, to be allowed to express himself any way that he wishes. He has never been interested in "girl" things, not because we discourage it, he just has never shown interest. His dad is the one who suggested we get him some baby dolls so that he can role-play before the new one is born. He helps me in the kitchen, loves to clean, and went through a phase where his favorite color was pink. I am so glad that my husband is not the kind of dad that thinks using a pink crayon will make his son gay (and we know a few dads like that!)

I watched your show and it surprises me that you are considered "radical". Although I don't consider myself a feminist and I have never called it "raising my children in a gender neutral environment", I encouraged (and still do)them to participate in whatever activities interest them. My boys are older now but we bought our boys a dollhouse too. We had a kitchen with food and a shopping cart. We had babydolls and bottles. Both boys enjoyed walking around in my shoes. They both look great in pink shirts. My husband cooks and does the dishes. I take out the trash and put windsheild wiper fluid in the car. One of my favorite photos of my youngest was when he was about 2. He is dressed in a tiara, pink tutu, and red cowboy boots. Boys are no less boys if they play with dolls and girls are no less girls if they play with trucks. It's all good! I didn't know it but I guess I am a radical too!

This show grabbed my attention and I found your segment very interesting. I am 55 years old and had no set agenda, but received some harsh criticisms 30 years ago for letting my son play with stuffed animals and dolls. I was a single parent. He played with trucks and stuff too, but loved his stuffed animals and baby dolls. I didn't believe what people told me (that it would make him gay) because I believe you are born whatever you are and if he happened to be gay then so be it. Anyway, he is grown now with his own wife and kids.l I truly believe my allowing him to play with the animals and baby dolls contributed to the very nurturing father he is today.

I thought the show overall was great. I love the concept of raising our children with gender neutral toys, chores and the like. And, I think your presence on the show was very insightful. I like how you state "raising your boys in a gender-neutral environment will make them better partners." Your future daughter-in-laws will love you for that alone.

I did have an issue with the Parent family in their unschooling. We too unschool, but we don't allow television and videogames. Several times the Parents stated they allow their children to choose their own foods - donuts and mass produced cereal. That's not a healthy choice. But, the Parents insist they are providing healthy options. I didn't see any in their clip - I saw donuts, cereal and bottled juice (no nutritional value). And, their son is learning math by watching tv and playing video games. He is also going to bed when he chooses by watching tv and not brushing his teeth. I'm all for unschooling, but the way the Parents showed it in this show is actually irresponsible because their children are learning via television, junkfood, video games and the like.

But, again, I think your segment and the segment about attachment parenting and elimination communication is spot on. Keep it up! And, if you know the Parent family - teach them about healthy alternatives. That would be an education not only for the parents themselves, but their children. Donuts aren't healthy.

I saw no problem with the gender identity/equality part. I mean, in a daycare/preschool there are toys of all kinds and children play with all of them. Having a young boy and girl we have all kinds of toys and I am just happy they can play well together. I don't label them boy/girl toys. Kids putting on parents shoes is just common and not an indicator of their sexuality. The attachment parenting isn't for eveyone. I could do parts of it (co-sleeping) but not the extended breast feeding. Now, the unschooling...I simply call that the unparenting. The world is filled with boundaries. I am not saying that school is the only place to learn those boundaries, but I believe the parents are doing a disservice by not setting up structure. No matter what they choose to do in life, they will need to learn how to structure their day to accomplish a goal. The world isn't designed to do what you want as you want. Just my 2 cents. Danielle, KG teacher educsbf@aol.com

Very cool! Congrats on the exposure! Love the message you're sending.
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Because a rooster by any other name would be a, well, you know... =-.

Watching the show featuring your family, and was curious when I heard about your blog. Of the 3 families featured, I could relate to yours the most. While I don't really think of myself as "feminist", I totally agree that especially when the kids are younger, there shouldn't be boy or girl toys or chores. My husband comes from a little more old fashioned family, and wasn't sure how my hubby would react when i wanted to buy our son a baby doll. He didn't have a problem with it, and while the doll was a boy, with primary colored clothes, I still thought it was great that he didn't object. More dolls followed, all boys, but they were the ones our son picked out them out, cause he wanted one like him, all blonde boys. Every Christmas for about 5 years, his main doll, Chad, got a new outfit, and accessories (diapers, bottles, etc). When our son was almost 3, the only things he wanted for Christmas was a kitchen, and a train. Hubby again, didn't have a problem, and J cooked us many good meals in his kitchen.

I also think it is important not to assign girl jobs and boy jobs. J helps cook as I think is important for him to learn to be self reliant, and not have to depend on anyone else, male or female to get what he needs in life.

Just wanted to say that I think it is great what you are doing. We need more men who can take care of themselves, who value women for who they are, not for what they do for them.

I enjoyed watching your segment on the show last night.

You have a wonderful family!

Hi again TFB! Just wanted to leave a comment here (you already saw my post) to congratulate you again on the show. I think the most important thing about your appearance is going to be exposing other people to feminism and feminist-minded parenting. Showing the world that sexism should be out of the ordinary, not gender-neutral parenting. You and your family did a great job and I hope more people will see you all, a light bulb will go on, and they will come to embrace equality and think twice about forcing gender stereotypes onto children.

People who fear boys "not learning to be a boys" are essentially admitting that gender roles are LEARNED! If it were so natural, it would not need constant, strict enforcement.

We enjoyed the special. I wish it hadn't been on DH. I can't think of any network that would fully support anything that's not mainstream.
.-= Darcel´s last blog ..Discovery Health Special: Radical Parenting =-.

Oh, Gina....

I'm so glad that blonde lady didn't hate on you nearly as bad as she did the Parent family. She wasn't as hard on the Parises, but man was she ever a hater.... ;)

You and John did a fine job of coming across as educated, rational and totally normal parents. There is certainly nothing radical about letting kids explore both traditionally "feminine" and "masculine" sides of ANYTHING, and raising children to view work, chores, responsibilities as gender neutral is simply responsible parenting. And even the parents who don't agree with gender neutral parenting can agree that if nothing else, you're setting your boys up to be great helpmates for their future wives (...or husbands/life partners/themselves if that's the path they choose...)

I caught the Radical Parenting documentary last night and felt so inspired by your family. I try to raise my son in a gender-neutral environment but I often feel unsupported or just downright silly asking friends and family to give neutral gifts and clothing. I'm so glad you're out there, even if our methods are given the label "radical". It really shouldn't be that way.

Well done!
.-= Eleanor Turner´s last blog ..Some days you just have to throw in the towel =-.

From what I hear I give you a great big "Hell yeah!" but we don't have cable so I haven't seen it. Will there ever be a link available to see the clip?

(I must admit when I heard the three example of "extreme" parenting I thought--hey those sound like all my friends ;D)@MauricaZ
oh my gosh! card catalogs. major flashbacks. =-.

I have just finished watching your segment on Discovery and i am pleased to see that I am not the only one who finds nothing wrong in allowing my two boys and two girls to share toys clothes or anything else! I have two boys 9 and 7. I also have twin girls who are 5. My girls love superman boy underwear, so guess what they got for Christmas? :) My boys as well as my girls LOVE to help me cook and I let them do so as often as I can. As a matter of fact my 7 year old son got an Easy Bake oven for Christmas this year and has been cooking ever since! I always wondered if I was the only one or that I was in a weird place to allow my kids to play with gender neutral things. But then I did realize that it wasn't going to change their identity in any way. (Besides I would be totally comfortable if one of my kids did decide that they wanted to be gay) I have a neighbor who has 3 boys and does not allow them to play with my girl's toys. It makes me feel a little bad for them because they want to. THEY don't find anything wrong in sharing those things and they feel left out. It is my mission to change her mind and help her grip the reality that they are "manly" boys(weird huh) regardless!
I do know it will make them better partners in the future also. Doing things that traditionally women use to only do makes them realize how tough it is being a wife and mother and they want to share the load. Of course my husband is 100 percent with me. He himself is very comfortable in his sexuality and also shares the chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry and shopping.He is a great example and my boys are very attentive to myself and also women or girls by opening doors and doing nice things.I am proud to see that you have so many positive responses to your segment. I will continue to visit often and contribute my stories and experiences for anyone else who enjoys this style of parenting. Thank you! The Ast Family

Nice job, Gina and John. The boys are adorable.

We didn't really see anything particularly radical, either.

I just talked to a friend of mine who runs an in-home daycare and she had one father who was horrified that his toddler son would sometimes ride the pink tricycle. He threatened to remove his son from the daycare but his wife was adamant about him staying there. I'll tell you the rest of the story sometime.
.-= Jill--Unnecesarean´s last blog ..Too Polite to Fight =-.

I love Tom's realization that he too is a Feminist ;)

I still have quite some time before I would consider having children, but I have put a lot of thought into this issue. I think your model of parenting is wonderful, and I wish it would catch on! If only every parent would at least expose their children to these progressive ideas, it might be a safer place for freedom of expression. Sigh... hopefully in my lifetime.

I was thinking, though... While people do perceive your parenting as radical, I think one of the major reasons people can swallow it is that you and your partner/husband seem to adhere to gender and hetero norms. Of course we only saw a portion of who you are, but I think if you were a same sex couple or had "gender issues" of your own, people would be appalled that you "passed it on" to your children. Sadly, I have seen several same sex couples raise their children gender normal to the public eye so that people do not point the finger back at them for raising children in such an environment. If anything, children will be healthier if introduced to the spectrum of gender, and taught that it is okay to explore their sexuality. I applaud you for bringing your family to the public's attention. I hope many parents watched the episode and let their children play with "opposite" toys tonight :)

I really liked watching the show, even though some of the things from the other parents I personally didn't agree with. It at least opened my eyes to other people's value systems. What I find a little frustrating that the idea of gender-neutrality (i.e. equality) is as radical as not having your kids in school or to breastfeed toddlers. It's a sad statement about the state of our society that inequality and stereotypes of the sexes is as expected as sending your kids to school. I hope parents are inspired by your family and at least incorporate a very small aspects of gender-neutrality into their families.

I really enjoyed your segment of the show, and that is saying a lot considering how angry an earlier segment made me. My brother is only 15 months younger than me, so we both played with dolls and trucks growing up. Like someone else said, one of my favorite toys was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, and my brother (a guy's guy for sure) played with my doll house all of the time. I wouldn't call your parenting style radical at all.. I would call it responsible parenting.

I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to comment respectfully on this blog. I will try to respond to each of you individually, but it may take me a few days. Thanks again for tuning in and spreading the love.
Gina - TheFeministBreeder

I've been waiting to watch the show for weeks; when I finally got the chance tonight, I couldn't stop nodding my head and making comments like, 'Exactly!!'

I have the same parenting notions as your family; as the first-time mom of a 13-month old, I've long had my mind set on raising my son to understand that clothes, toys, etc. are nothing more than mere objects, that they have no bearing on the people we become or our respectability as human beings. Of course, the bulk of items that he owns are of a boyish nature because that is what friends and family buy for him; the things that we buy for him, however, need to meet only one of a few requirements: 1) Educational 2) Cute 3) Fun. It's so sad that most children are denied the opportunity to be themselves and experience a bit of joy for no better reason than his/her parents and society place deep/false significance on stuck-together pieces of material.

Congrats on such a wonderful segment! Everything that you and the Hyphenated Husband were doing seemed so natural and normal -- not at all "radical." Your boys were great. I especially loved the part where your friend asked Jonas if he wanted to dress up, and he just looked at her and just got his doll and stroller. Cute! I've been following your blog for since the birth of Jules (his birth story was the first time I, as a childless 23 year old, realized how manipulative and insensitive doctors were to birthing mothers), and it was so exciting seeing your family on tv! Well done!
.-= Carly´s last blog ..don't judge! =-.

Woahhh, that last comment was a little "intense", to say the least.
Anyways, that was a wonderful show Gina, I enjoyed all 3 families. Can't wait to try this "gender neutral" thing with my future children!

Watching your show right now! I do not agree with you entirely but did enjoy watching the show and just thought I would share that.

I am watching the show right now and I felt compelled to go to your blog to read more. What you are doing is a true inspiration. I never realized the extent of the stereotypes that we impose on our children from the day they are born. Who says that a dollhouse is feminine? Why can't boys use a play kitchen? Your model is admirable. You are truly helping to raise a new generation of openness and tolerance. Kudos!

while I didn't 100% agree with all the parents on the show, I thought your segment was wonderful and agree that while your approach may be different than every other parent on this earth, "radical" may not be the most appropriate term for you! Your children are adorable and seem well adjusted and will grow into wonderful adults!

i am watching your show. and i think its amazing. i have never heard of that kind of parenting. but i love and respect it. i think thats a very good way to raise children now a days.

Hey,

Just saw your bit in the TLC show, and wanted to say I totally support you guys. Being transgendered and bi-gendered (basically gender neutral...), I and my partner (also trans) believe in what you taught. Not many parents, although more than we thought today, go about parenting this way (the way we plan on parenting our children) and we wanted to commend you.

Thanks,
Alex and Trevor

Loved the show!
Kids should be free to express themselves however they like!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Working Mommy Wednesday: Coping with criticism =-.